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I'm doing some research on Coley's Toxin and finding it very interesting. I'm wondering if anyone here has had any personal experience with it, or knows anyone who has.

That IS great news Ernie -- all of it! Somehow you don't strike me as the kind of person who allows yourself to have too much time on your hands! Looking forward to those recipes!

Hi Liz, I know I'm not alone in being happy you're here (on this web site, I mean)! For one thing, every time I look at your picture, I smile. You often have a way of lightening something up -- and that can be invaluable. From the spouse's perspective, it's been very difficult going through so many tragic events on this site lately. In one case, I became so emotionally involved that I couldn't stop thinking about it night and day. I was checking for updates constantly, crying about it, etc. I realized that wasn't helping anyone, especially my own hubby who needs me the most. I've learned how to be involved and give/get support without it completely taking over my thoughts. It's a balance. For example, I very rarely go in the grieving section. I can't deal with it right now. A lot of people write and say they hope that Bill posts again. It's so nice of people to say that and I'm glad that people got something out of his posts early on (even if he ticked people off). But, the truth is it became very unhealthy for him to be here. He didn't have the discipline like Ernie to only read uplifting things or posts where he could offer useful advice. He read everything and took it all in and couldn't shut it off. So for his fight, he had to leave it completely and abruptly. He's now putting his writing energy into a book. I fill him in on people from time to time, and that's good. He's giving back in other ways that are healthy for him. That's my long-winded way of saying I think everyone has to find their comfortable balance with something like this. Sometimes you need it several times a day, and other times once a week or less is right. And sometimes it's okay just to leave it alone for a while. If anyone is going to understand that need, it's the people here. Liz, you have find the balance that allows you to maintain your positive outlook and strength.

I've shared this web site with two different people with friends who have been diagnosed in just the last week and a half. It's invaluable -- definitely pass it on. If it's not their thing, at least they had the chance to check it out for themselves.

Hi Nova, I'm glad you found us. I'm not sure what I would do without having this site to come to. Because I know that the people here know exactly how I'm feeling. And it's great to be able to offer support and encouragement to others too. And yes, reading Don's wonderful note and knowing he's still going strong is a huge source of inspiration (I just PMed with him yesterday). It was the first thing I read that made me believe we could beat this. We're going through this nightmare together. Keep your hopes high.

Jen, I think when your dad was actively going through his initial diagnosis and treatment and all that it brings -- physically and emotionally, they were both concentrating all of their energy on that. It sounds like they're having a tough time getting back to "normal." And knowing that life is still anything but normal brings anxiety. They don't know what's coming next. No matter how thankful they are for your dad's remission, they know that their life won't return to how it was beforehand. It's a huge adjustment. It's hard watching your parents argue, especially when you love both of them and you just want them to be happy. Give them time. If it's not crossing the line, perhaps you can speak with each of them separately and help them to see the other's point of view.

Teresa, I'm pleased your little kitty was able to pass away with you by her side. I know you'll miss her so much. Can we stand one more cat story? Some will call this coincidence -- that's okay. The very night before we would receive the call from the doctor about Bill's first x-ray, I was out for a jog. As I rounded the corner of our street, this adorable black cat (very similar to my Delilah, but probably about a year old) started chasing me! I stopped, petted it briefly, and went on my way. It was relentless -- literally at my feet. I stopped again and picked it up. It was purring and just staring at me. At that point, I started to cry. There was something at work here, I could feel it. This went on for 5 to 10 minutes -- me picking the cat up, it following me, etc. I didn't want to leave it (it was someone's pet -- it had a collar). It sat there and watched me walk up the street and out of view. I walked in the door and told Bill all about it -- he believed it was something more than a friendly cat too.

We go for Bill's chemo today (regardless of what the blood count is, the doc is doing it). Hopefully we'll get a chance to talk about it, but it's always a little awkward in the chemo room. I get copies of other test results, but it hadn't really occurred to me to get the copies of the blood work. I'm going to ask for copies of all of his blood work, along with the x-ray report today. Thanks again everyone.

Melinda, I'm so sorry. I know your hubby doesn't mean what he says. But that doesn't make it any easier on you. It must be absolutely heartbreaking. You're doing everything humanly possible to help him and to make this time as good as it can be, and you have to believe that and never forget it. He'll know it and he'll appreciate it and he'll love you for it, even if he's unable to express it. And your kids will know it too. You just have to believe that. A lot of people wouldn't have even tried to make the trip happen under the circumstances -- that says a lot about who you are and how much you love him.

Hi Laurie, I'm glad to hear you're taking a trip -- what a great idea. Have a wonderful time!

Loretta, I'm so sorry and I know it's just awful. Sometimes it just becomes overwhelming and we want to scream, "I need help too! No, I'm not okay!" Then you let it out, pick yourself up, and keep going the next day. It's the most helpless feeling I've ever felt knowing there's this monster attacking the person I love more than anything in the world and it's out of my reach. I pray for strength and peace for you today.

Heather, I'm so terribly sorry.

Teresa, I can relate very well, and I'm so sorry. We lost our cat just over two years ago to old age/kidney failure. She was 19 -- beautiful black short hair pound kitty. We were going to Europe to visit family. I was so scared she wouldn't be here when we returned. My parents faithfully looked after her, despite the protest from their own cat. My mom called us in England saying she didn't think Delilah would hold out until we got back. I was heartbroken -- she'd been with me since she was 6 weeks old, and I wasn't going to be there for her at the end of her life. She helped me through divorce, job losses, the death of my grandparents, and so many other of life's challenges. We arrived in Los Angeles from London exhausted. Bill insisted we drive straight down to San Diego to my parent's home. She slept the night in bed with us. She died in my arms on the drive home the next morning. Call me crazy, but I know she waited for us. I still miss her so much, and I swear I've felt her walking around the foot of the bed. It might sound a little weird, but toward the end I used to tell her how much she meant to me, and I thanked her for being so faithful. Bill and I say all the time that we simply could not imagine going through this cancer nightmare without our Mrs. Dickens (crazy great dane). She's our angel.

Thanks again everyone. Yes Barb, it was a chest x-ray. I know in the past his liver/kidney function tests have been very good. I learned a little more later last night. The doc said something like "nothing is showing up in your bone marrow, so I want an x-ray to see if anything has changed." He also asked if Bill had been out of breath at all. I guess it's pretty obvious what he's looking for, but I still don't get the blood part. Of course, I wasn't there this time. He just had a CT can about 3 weeks ago. Oh yeah, and chemo was postponed a 3rd time because the white blood counts were still too low. Higher than last week, but too low. So now it's the anxious waiting period that you all know too well.

I didn't even know what tumor markers were until now. And I see that there is one used for sclc (NSE). I don't know that that's it, because the blood wasn't sent to the lab. The doc looked at it under the microscope when he saw the white cell count was still low (just found this bit out). I guess it's silly to ask people to guess on something like this. I suppose we'll find out soon enough. Thanks everyone. I hate tests.

If a medical onc is looking at a routine blood sample (to test cell counts before chemo), what might he see that would prompt him to order an x-ray?

Tanner, Geez, what an ordeal. I'm glad Karen has you looking after her so well. Hope she can come home soon. It all must be very difficult on the kids. Praying the Tarceva does it job...

Heather, I'm so glad the Sugar Shack day worked out. I'm deeply sorry to hear where you all are. I don't know what to say, except that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Bobby, My understanding is that the person is NED when they do PCI, and that it might be done less with extensive than with limited. Although Bill has yet to start radiation (as you know), our radiation oncologist did mention to us last week that PCI is something we would be discussing after any chest radiation is completed. All of this contingent upon the results of a PET scan in 3 weeks or so. Sorry I don't have more info.

I agree, definitely talk with both doctors. Being in pain is just awful, and if they can do something about it, why the heck not? Who isn't "difficult" when they're in pain, right? Also, I've never dealt with this myself, but I have heard that people speak with social workers who work for the hospital. Perhaps they might intervene or help the communication. The treatment is your hubby's decision. No one else knows what he's going through. However, I would imagine that a decision about further treatment would be very difficult to make if the pain is unbearable. Thinking of you guys...

Grace, I think it's amazing that you could think about something like that in the midst of all you were dealing with. What a wonderful gift.

Heather, Praying for a good day tomorrow with friends. Yes, friends and family are invaluable. I'm so glad you have them close by. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you,

Hi Loretta, I'm so happy you finally got some good news. I know exactly how you feel. At first, we felt like every time the docs told us something new, we went home feeling worse than we did when we got there. Hang onto that good news. Keep us posted on the new treatment stragegy.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know you're doing the right thing taking the leave from work. I pray that after the brain radiation, you'll be able to take that trip. People have made remarkable turn-arounds here. Thinking of you...

Hi Heather, I'm so sorry to read that your hubby isn't doing well. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and will keep you both in my prayers. I don't have any experience with Tarceva, but it seems that there are definitely people here who do. Don't give up hope.