lilyjohn
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Posts posted by lilyjohn
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I guess I will have to agree with the others to an extent but I will also tell you that there is really nothing that you can really do for your dad. Loosing the person who defines your life and is the center of your hopes and dreams is just not something that anyone can make easier. Time helps and knowing that someone is there who cares. Other than that each day will write it's own beginning and ending.
Your dad has to know that you are there and that you care. He also has to know that he has the right to feel the way he does without guilt feelings. I suggest that you explain to him exactly how you feel about the situation. Let him know that you love him and miss your mom too. Make sure he knows that in an emergency you will always be available but let him know too that you have a life seperate from him. A life and love like he shared with your mom and you want and need to devote time to that relationship as well as to him. I believe that if he is really clinging to you it is because he feels it is a way to feel closer to your mom. The two of you were the closest to her and with her gone you are as close as he can get to her and he feels the need for that closeness.
He will grieve in his own way and nothing can change that. There will be days in the future when he may feel like part of the world again but you have to remember the better part of his world is gone and will never return because of that he will never be the person he was before. There will always be a part of him missing and believe me when I say one half of a person will never be the same as the whole person was. Give him distance and give yourself a life seperate from him. Just let him know that you are there and make sure both of you know that you can't and won't be a substitute for your mom.
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Hi Deb
I can certainly relate to some of the things that you are feeling. I still have days when I am so angry that I want to punch someone or throw things.. I have questioned God's reasons over and over again. I do trust God again but I have a very hard time trusting anyone else but my story is different than yours and so is the reason for that.
Right now I am visiting with my children in Louisiana. Last year when I was here just 6 months after Johnny's death my ex husbands mother died. It was so hard for me. Part of the reason was because despite our differences I had some very good memories of her. Mainly I ached for my children and grandchildren and even my ex husband. My biggest problem tho was seeing all that she had that Johnny had been denied. I think there is always a reason for that kind of jealousy and anger.
Her doctors kept her alive and fought for her as long as she wanted. Johnny's chose to kill him. Her kids were there for her everyday. I was the only one there for him and their "out of sight,out of mind" attitude helped cause his death.
She had a big funeral with tons of flowers and everyone got a chance to say goodbye. The last I saw Johnny was in ICU when I left him 3 hours after he died. HIs son's chose to cremate him because it was less expensive not because of his wishes (we wanted a place to be together). He is now in his son's house. Seems that tho they never had time for him nor wanted him while he was alive they do now.
So you see I like you feel very jealous and angry at some of the injustice I have seen. I love the people on this board and cry with them (right now I am down because I just saw where Shelly's dad died). I want everyone to have a long life and beat this monster but I am human and honest enough to tell you that I even feel jealousy when I see someone here that I have grown to love and respect post good news. I believe it is only natural to feel that way. We all want our loved one back. It just seems so unfair that they could be gone and others are alive and doing fairly well. When that person is someone like your FIL that makes it seem even more unfair.
So Deb don't beat yourself up for the way you feel. I've been down that road and it is not an easy one to get off of. Hell I'm the champion when it comes to beating myself up for any number of reasons. My advice is feel what you feel and don't let guilt get in the way. As for your FIL and others like him, their time will come. Lillian
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I just stopped in for a minute to catch up on things and saw your post. My heart aches for you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you are an incredibly strong lady. Hang in there and you will get through the next weeks. I know how hard it is to turn to God when you feel that he has betrayed you but that too will pass so I say may God bless and care for you until you are better able to care for yourself again. Lillian
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Well just a few more hours and I will be on my way. Everything is packed and ready to go. Now it is just the wait. I dropped Misty off at my nieces house and already miss her. I spent the day just soaking up my surroundings. What a day it was. I saw the Eagles twice and the blue jay that I feed cookies too kept coming back looking for more. I also so two beautiful yellow birds for the first time. I was told they are a kind of Oreal(Sp). The hummingbirds emptied the feeders so I filled them one more time. There were at least three deer I saw going through not far from me. I sure am going to miss the beauty and nature here but I will be back again.
I think the reason it has had such an affect on me is that it is reminds me of leaving Washington just a few months after Johnny's death. I loved it there too. I will have some pictures with me of him and us together. I also have the best picture of him in a frame and that is going with me. Instead of his robe that takes so much room in my suitcase I am taking his shirt. I can snuggle that instead and that will help because sometimes I still get his scent on it.
So once again thanks to all of you. I wish you all great news and clean scans for those of you who are scheduled. I will be checking on you while I am away just not as often. Take care and God bless all of you. Lillian
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I'm on the first leg of my trip to Louisiana in a few hours
and boy that is one thing I am looking forward to. All of the crab that I can eat! Of coarse it is a different kind of crab but hot boiled crabs or shrimp are always a treat. Enjoy it MO and remember crabs are like Chinese they are good for you and an hour later you will be hungry again so stay longer and eat again! Yea right -
At 2:21 am Thursday morning my long awaited trip begins. I will spend eleven days in the Bay Area visiting with my brother and various family members. I will also see Johnny's brother who is much improved but still suffers the brain damage from a heartattack in 1990. Johnny's niece Pam has been my rock sense Johnny's death. She has been there for me and was there for Johnny when no one else was. I am looking forward to spending some time with her as well.
Then on to Louisiana for my granddaughter's wedding. I know that the wedding will be wonderfull and seeing all of my children and grandchildren is something that I really look forward to. Still I am uneasy. None of them knew Johnny and my daughter is the only one who has any real idea of how close mine and Johnny's relationship was, how special. I don't intend to force him down their throats but I will not act like he never existed either. So hopefully I won't be on pins and needles all of the time.
I am also worried about my reaction to my brother. He has his own health problems and I do worry about him. The problem I have with him is that he never approved of mine and Johnny's relationship. He also has that attitude that we speak of so much. Just a few nights ago while on the phone he told me that I need to "get past this" after all I hadn't seen Johnny in over 40 years and I knew he had cancer so should have expected him to die. He has no idea that you don't just "get over" someone who is a part of you. Then that attitude. If I can't change it in him how can I ever expect to change it in anyone else?
So you see my trip will not be without problems. I just hope that I have grown strong and smart enough to handle them well and not allinate anyone.
I do dread leaving this place that I have grown to love so much. I know how much Johnny would love it here and I feel him close to me all of the time even when I don't get signs from him. Where else can you look out one window and see hummingbirds feeding and eagles flying at the same time? I can count on seeing a deer, jackrabbit or quail nearly everyday. Sometimes many times a day. Then there is the wind in the pine trees. You can listen as it makes it's way down the mountain side and sings it's song of pleasure. I can also leave my windows open and hear the sound of the creek as it makes it's way over the rocks heading down hill. All of those things combine to give me a sense of belonging that I have never felt other than when I was with my Johnny. I have so many of his things and the thought of leaving them behind for even a short time bothers me. Sense his death I have prayed to wake from this nightmare. Now I am afraid that I will wake up somewhere else and realize that living here is just a dream and I won't have this beautiful place or my Johnny. What a frightfull thought that is.
I guess I am being paranoid thinking so many negative things but somehow life has not made me expect all of the best. So my dear friends I have learned to depend on your prayers and well wishes and ask for them again. I need someone to pray with me that I have the strength and courage to make this trip a good one and then return to this paradice that has given me what little peace that I can find.
I will check the board and my email as often as I can while I am gone. There are so many of you that I will want to know what is going on with. You will all be in my prayers while I am gone as you are now. As always my prayer is to find a way to change that attitude and that soon lung cancer will not stike so many but if it does it will be as manageable as any other chronic disease. Bless and keep all of you well. Lillian
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Has anyone heard from Jane about her brother Allen? It has been a week sense her post saying that she was going to be with him? If anyone hears please post about him. Lillian
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I agree that there are still some good doctors. I just think that even the best have to be riminded once in a while that there is more to medicine than drugs and medical treatments. Attitude and hope go a long way. Believe me when I say that I saw that first hand. I also had to deal with the consequences that taking away hope can cause. So bless the good ones and hope that someday all doctors will remember that lung cancer patients are just as human as everyone else and deserve to be treated like they are.
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We all know that statistics suck. As Becky says we all know that at any given time one of us could get hit by that beer truck. That doesn't mean that we would want to spend the rest of our lives watching it speeding toward us.
There are many things that we ALL know. Just because we know them doesn't mean that we want to have to deal with them everyday. As a caregiver who lost the one I love I will simply say that it is more important to have hope and encouragement than statistics. I say let's work to change those statistics instead of dwelling on what they are. Who gives a damn what the statistics say? Isn't the final word on the statistics how they affect the individual?
A very wise man told me not too long ago (Johnny,not long before I lost him) that some things are better left unsaid. I think it is time we all remember that and get back to the business of fighting the disease and giving encouragement and hope. This beast is bad enough without adding more problems to the ones who already live with it all of the time.
I just posted in the General column a sign that should be in all oncology offices. Maybe it should be at the head of each of our forums. HOPE; IT COSTS NOTHING TO GIVE BUT TAKING IT AWAY KILLS! just a friendly reminder to all who forget that sometimes.
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I think there should be a big sign in every oncologist's office that they will see many times a day. It should read:
HOPE IT COSTS NOTHING TO GIVE BUT TAKING IT AWAY KILLS.
Seems to me that a lot of hope along with compassion is missing in the treatment of lung cancer. We can only hope that some day they will learn and let people become people again, not just a disease
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I too had an experience. I really don't think it was a dream. Dreams are never that vivid nor do I remember them in such detail.
It was less than two months after Johnny died. I had just fallen asleep when I felt a hand on my hip and arms around me. Arms that could only be Johnny's. I jumped and looked over my shoulder and he was there leaning on one arm and looking down at me. I could see him so clearly and to this day I can still see how he looked that night. I could see his chest and his arms where they left the sleeves of his t shirt and I could see his hair and even the black hairs in his beard that had appeared so suddenly the day before he died. I heard him say "it's alright, I just want to snuggle you. For the rest of that night I felt like his arms were around me. I had slept very little after his death but that night I had the best sleep that I had had in months. I always sleep with his robe snuggled in my arms or against my back. The next morning when I woke his robe was on the far side of the bed nearly falling on the floor. There was just enough room between it and me for Johnny. Was it a dream? I will never believe that it was a dream. I know that he came to me to help me through a time that I was ready to give up and die.
All experiences are not as dramatic as mine but things happen every day that tells us they are still with us. Keep your eyes and heart opened and don't let reason get in the way. Somethings are just too special to be able to understand. God bless you and please know that you are in my prayers. Lillian
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I can't add much to what the others have said except to say don't fight the grief. When it hits really hard go with it. If you fight it it is harder to get through.
It has been a year and a half sense Johnny's death and I still have days when I am so lost I forget to eat and can't sleep. Like everyone said it is different for each of us. I don't think time is really what makes it easier it is what makes it doable. Easy is a word that just does not go with that kind of loss.
I find that writing about my feelings really does help me. I started a journal soon after Johnny's death. There are just so many things that you can only say to him. I often write letters to him and that does help for a while.
Bless you and may God take care of you. There is no right or wrong way to face what we face. A strong faith will help you to know that you will be together again but it sure doesn't warm a cold bed or an aching heart. Lillian
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Thank you Pamela for replying to me. I will continue to tell Johnny's story to anyone anywhere. I hope that you will do the same. I realize that what we are saying is not something someone facing cancer wants to hear. Believe me I know that they and their caregivers and loved ones have enough fear to face already. It is not my intention to frighten anyone but to inform. At the time of Johnny's problems I would probably have just read over a message like yours or mine because I really didn't want to hear those things. Point is that I would have remembered anyway. Had anyone been as persistant as I am I have little doubt that I could have saved Johnny's life. I know too that he would not have had to live through the torment of his last days.
There is a very sad truth in this country today. That truth is that sense coporations have taken over medicine and pharmisuitacles have grown to be probably the largest industry in the world the human factor has mostly been removed from the practice of medicine. That is why things like what happened to your dad and my Johnny continue. They will never be stopped until people open their eyes to them and start demanding change.
In forty nine of our fifty states assisted suicide is illegal. A person can be in terrible physical or mental pain and request help to die and if someone helps that person goes to prison for murder. Still doctors and others in the medical profession are allowed to take lives under the guise of morals or ethics or even being humane. They can take the life of a person who wants to fight for their life and get away with what amounts to the same as murder. I believe they should be held just as accountable for their actions as the rest of us.
What makes what they do even worse is that they are the ones that we have to trust our lives to. Their victims are very vulnerable and unable to help themselves. That makes that kind of treatment even worse. The fact that they do it claiming that they are being humane is probably the worst thing of all. Believe me had anyone experienced what I did with Johnny his last day they would never call his treatment humane. Because I was there and asking questions they chose to poison him slowly instead of all at once. That caused a torment that gives me nightmares every day of my life because I witnessed what he went through.
I know there are a lot of people who depend on those medications. I know too that there are times that some of them are needed. My problem is when those medications are given for a reason other than what they are meant for or when a person is left on them past the time that they are needed. Often that happens because their doctors know how addictive they are and don't want to have to deal with the withdrawal stopping them will cause. Morphine has been a drug of choice for years for cancer and other severe pain. I have read everything I can find about morphine and I know from my research that if pain is present a person can take continuous increases in the dosage. I also know that if no pain is present it can and does kill. The warnings about giving it in the absence of pain are very explicit.
My goal is to inform and make people aware. I also want to do as much as humanly possible to change that deadly attitude. I think that doctors should be required to treat cancer patients with the same kindness and intent that they do others. I think that all precautions on medications should be observed just as they would be with anyone else. Most of all a patient's rights should never be abused. When they are the person who abuses them should be faced with a major fine and possible suspension of their license. I know that sounds harsh but we are talking about not only peoples lives but there right to be treated with respect and not tortured.
Like Johnny I believe that a person should fight until the very last breath. Problem is it is easy to say that when you are not facing the posibility of death or suffering with in days or even hours. It would be much harder to make that decision then. Nonetheless it is a very personal decision that only the individual has the right to make. Once that decision is made every effort humanly possible should be made to carry out their wishes. It is their life, their body and their choice. Until the time comes that these changes are made or I join my Johnny I will keep fighting for these things. I will not be shut up nor will I back down. It is high time that someone stand up for the people who can't speak for themselves.
You see Johnny was given a booklet stating his patient's rights. When I filed complaints they never even considered what was done to him. They were interested in knowing that he recieved his booklet about his rights and that he was offered the chance for a DNR and an advanced directive. They had little care as to wether his rights were given to him or what his personal wishes were. As I told the medical board in Washington when I replied to their denial, they are not there to protect the public but to cover the asses of the doctors who either screw up or try to play God.
To answer your question Johnny died December 2,2002 at 4:55 am. I was with him for his last breath and three hours after he died. I am doing alright at the moment. I'm sure that those who are going through what I am will tell you too that could change in an instant. It takes very little to knock you back to day one so you have to start all over again. Losing someone who is so much a part of you is something that you never get over. Losing someone under the circumstances that I lost my Johnny makes it ten times harder.
Bless you and your family. Stay with your dad as much as you can. There are enough of you that someone should be able to be with him at all times. Believe me I only left Johnny for a few minutes at a time to eat and try to rest but that was all it took to take him from me.
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I'm back and meaner than ever.
Well I guess I should say fiesty as ever. I have been keeping my distance for a while because of a recent bout of depression. To help pick myself up I have been limiting my time on the board to one hour at night. I tend to get too envolved and too emotional especially when I am in one of my down times.As some of you know I have spent several months writing mine and Johnny's story. He had asked me to write it because he said we were one in a million. He thought that the story of our love and seperation and how we got back together would make a great story. Well I have been writing that story and unfortunatly there is much more to write about than he ever expected there to be. In general it has been good therapy for me. Not so when I got to the last weekend of his life and his death.
In writing about those last days and minutes I relived every minute. It was even more painful than the aniversary of his death had been. I found myself right back to day one. I couldn't sleep or eat or concentrate on anything. That old feeling of having the world pulled out from under me and drifting in world with no foundation was back as bad as ever. I couldn't pull myself out and really didn't want to there for a while. I tried everything but nothing worked until I realized that fighting it was making it worse. I started to just give in and let my grief take over. That gave me a chance to shed more tears and deal with issues that I have tried to avoid(like my relationship with his kids).
That went on for nearly two weeks letting myself go with it did help but I was not getting past the pain or able to do the things necesary to survive mentaly in tact. Once more a dream pulled me up by the straps and got me out of the pit. Ordinarily it would have been a very frightening dream. Not so this time because that dream gave me a message that I needed to learn. I have to be the person that Johnny loved. I can't do that by forgetting all of the things that he loved about me. He gave me a new life and a chance to live and do something that is not only dear to my heart but I believe important. That is fight that deadly attitude that we all know takes such a toll on those of us who have learned what it is like to live with lung cancer hanging over our lives.
So I am up and I am ready. I will be leaving on my trip in less than two weeks. I'll spend nearly two weeks with various family members in the bay area and then on to Louisiana for my granddaughter's wedding and some quality time with my kids. I have every intention to be the person I know that I am and that Johnny knew and loved. If there is anyone who can't deal with that it is their problem not mine. If life gave me lemons to make lemonade then there had better be a hell of a lot of people ready to drink it or I will pour it down their throats!
I have been reading and my heart aches for those of you in pain or who are not doing well right now. I am elated at all of the good news. I don't always post my prayers and support but I hope all of you know that is a given,never needing a reminder.
So ladies get your humor ready because chat this week will not be dull if I have anything to say about it. Ok Snowflake we have to make up for Debi being gone. Let's not let Ry overcharge us for advice because it will be only her alone with Debi gone! So Ry be ready to get your ears burned. If Becky is up to it we should be able to find a fun subject to discuss!
Oh yes Ry I will be looking for that pass on May 20th. Get your writing hand ready.
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Pam welcome to our little or I should say big family.
I joined this message board last summer to try to make people realize the dangers of the medications that you speak of. I have been taking an emotional break from the board for the past two weeks to get past yet one more bout of depression. I have to tell you that when I read your post last night it was like going back in time. Unfortunately my Johnny was treated with that same deadly attitude. It took his life in December 2002.
His cancer was confined to both lungs. He had Taxol/Carboplatin and no real problems other than the usual fatigue a few days latter. He actually gained back all of the weight he had lost plus ten pounds. Our problems started because of that attitude that you speak of. One thing I will tell you is that I was told by a member of the medical board of the state of Washington that once a person has lung cancer all precautions on medications are ignored. In other words a person with lung cancer is considered terminal so they are given any medication indiscrimanately hoping that something will help but if it kills them instead so what they are expected to die anyway.
Johnny's problem started when one drug he had been taking (Theodour to make it easier to breathe) was stopped suddenly. That same day a chemo nurse started his IV in a room the size of a closet (he was claustrphobic) and told him that it didn't matter how well he was doing he would never beat the cancer and would be on chemo for the rest of his life. That started a cycle of panic and anxiety attacks that his oncologist chose to ignore and refused to treat.
Despite his emotional problems his cancer continued to shrink. When we went to another oncologist in the same office to get Paxil for him the one he was seeing got mad. From that day on he did and said things that I know were intended to make Johnny's emotional condition worse. He succeeded.
The medications envolved are what caused his problems that led to his death not the cancer. He was started and stopped on numerous medications that should not have been given simotaniously and should never be stopped suddenly. As a consequence he put himself into the hospital for help with the anxiety and an addiction to the Vicodin that his doctor was glad to let him use to try to help himself when he recieved nothing for the anxiety for over a month. Instead of helping him off of it he was at first given the maximum safe amount per day and then that amount was nearly doubled. All of this at a time when he had no pain what so ever.
The last weekend of his life he developed fluid sounds in his lungs after being given Morphine in a nebulizer. That proceedure was very new and it is suggested that even modern hospitals do not have the proper equipment to administer it that way. I have learned that one of the adverse reactions to Morphine is that it causes sucretions to form in the lungs. That last week end he was badgered by 3 different doctors trying to force then scare him into signing a DNR. He refused and as a cosequence was refused treatment and shipped to another hospital. I was forced to leave and after I left he was given Morphine to make it easy for them to get him into the ambulance because he was fighting not to go. The reason he was so messed up was that he had been given an injection of 4 milligrams of Ativan a drug that he had had a previous bad reaction to. It is a drug that is very well know to cause both confusion and hulicinations.
When he developed Myoclonus he was told that it was because his blood gases were so bad and that he would have to live with it for the rest of his life. A tactic that was used to try to scare him into signing the DNR. Still he refused and remained full code. I was his full time caregiver and we were to be married but I had no legal rights and really little time to learn about cancer or medications because his kids did absolutely nothing to help us. That last day of his life his son finally decides to do right by his dad. The only problem is that he knew nothing about his condition or what had gone on the past several days. When the nurse told him that his dad was dying and the only humane thing to do was give him Morphine he agreed. Johnny was awake and they could have asked him but knew that he had already refused the morphine so they chose not to ask him.
He was again given all of the other medications that had been stopped along with the Morphine. When I found him in a coma with his sitter reading in a chair next to his bed I was told that he was sleeping naturally and not to disturb him. They left him like that for hours and did not even take his vital signs one time. I didn't know any better at the time. When they finally did do something for him all the did was bag him not put him on the resperator as he had requested if need be. I know that they deliberately left him to die so they would not have to honor his wishes. I also believe that the medications were given to him so he would die. They were just tired of dealing with the problems of the anxiety that they had let get out of hand.
I know this is a long story but believe me I haven't even touched on all of it. Those medications can be just as deadly as the cancer and I believe that is one reason that doctors give time lines. They know that if the cancer doesn't kill a person something they give well might. I am so glad that you were able to see what was happening and stop it. My regret will always be that I didn't see. I just had too much to handle alone.
I would like to know more about your dad's condition and when they decided to put him on a resperator. Did he have a blood gas test and what were the numbers? Is the Myoclonus gone now? Is he on oxygen and what medications was he on at the time he went into respiratory failure?
It is too late for this information to help my Johnny but will add to my knowledge and somehow that gives me a little peace. I pray that your dad continues to improve and you never have to know the heartache that I do. God bless you for being there for him. Had Johnny's sons been there for him like that my nightmare may never have started.
Just one more question. You don't live in Washington do you? If so is his oncologists Western Washington Oncology? I sure hope not but they sure do sound like the ones that Johnny had.
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Berisa
I was away from the board until tonight so I just saw that you lost your wonerful dad. You have both been on my mind all week. My heart goes out to you in your loss. May God hold you and give you the strength you need to get through these next days.
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Fay I am so sorry that you had such a terrible experience. Not treating the tumor properly is bad enough but that remark is cruel and uncalled for. I faced that same remark every time I tried to get help for Johnny. It makes you feel like because of lung cancer nothing else matters because you will die of lung cancer. They don't think of the damgage they cause emotionally or what thier un professional actions cost in other ways.
It was because of things like this that I decided to fight so hard to change that deadly attitude. I came to the same conclusion you have a long time ago. That attitude is responibe for a lot of the deaths from lung cancer.
Don't let an *ss like that get you down. You have more fight and spirit in you than he will ever have. Do what ever you need to do to show how wrong he is. I would also see if there is not a patient advocate that you can report his behavior and unproffesional actions to.
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The Blonde & The Alligator
>
>A young blonde was on v acation in the depths of Louisiana. She
>wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way....
>but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were
>asking for the highly prized shoes.
>
>After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices"
attitude
>of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe <
BR> I'll
>just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes
at
>a decent price!"
>
>The shopkeeper said w ith a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, y'all
just
>go and give it a try, why don'cha!"
>
>The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps,
>determined to catch herself an alligator .
>
>
>Later i n the day, as the shopkee per is driving home, he pulls over
to
>the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing
>waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
>spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning
>speed, she takes aim, kills the creature . . .and, with a great deal
of
>effort, hauls it onto the slimy swamp bank. Lying nearby were several
>more of the dead creatures.
>
>The shopkeeper stands on the bank and watches this scenario in
>amazed < i>silence.
>
>Just then, the blonde struggles and flips the gator on its back.
>Then, rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great
frustration,
>she shouts out, "Dang, this one is barefoot, too!"
_________________________________________________________________
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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men
and
one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
so
they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were
all
going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until
the
woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would
voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was
used to
giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in
general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little
in
return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men
started
clapping their hands.......
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I would be honored for you to use either Johnny's picture or the one of both of us. Wish I were closer so I could help. You are doing a great thing.
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Where did you find an address to send it to? I went to the web site but didn't see one. Must be blind.
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Julie
I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful mother. I lost my mom years ago to lung cancer and I know how that hurts. Now I am going to say something just a little different than the others have.
If your dad always treated your mom like that then I go along with what everyone has said. Now I can see another side if this was NEW behavior for him. His behavior was deplorable I agree with that one hundred percent. There are people in this world who just do not know how to handle a crisis. Lung cancer as you surely know is a crisis. If this is unusual behavior for you dad try to determine if he was not really in denial. It could be that he was using any means to make himself believe that she was not going to die. People can do crazy unpridictable things when faced with something they have no control over.
Your dad may have thought in some twisted way that if he treated your mom like he was waiting for her to die and that he didn't care if she did that she would not die. Cruel yes
Uncalled for obviously yes to all of us but we were not the ones faced with loosing someone that we had depended on to be there for us for nearly 50 years. Sometimes a persons mind just stops working with normal reasoning. Maybe that is what happened to your dad. A lot of what he is feeling now could well be quilt for his earlier behavior. He wants you to see how much he is greiving now because of the way he treated her. If he was in denial just imagine what he must be feeling now. Not only the shock of her death but guilt because his denial made him treat her the way he did. Maybe it is not your greif that he is seeking to see but his grief he wants you to see so he won't feel so guilty.Now it could be that he is just a mean heartless s** but sometimes you have to at least think of the posibility of other things. Maybe I am way off base here but thought another perspective might not hurt. Either way it has to be hard on all of you children. I pray that you find a way to work through this. It is so hard to lose someone you love then have to deal with our feelings for the rest of the family. Believe me I know that because I am pretty much in that position myself right now.
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My Beloved
in GRIEF
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing more to say.
and boy that is one thing I am looking forward to. All of the crab that I can eat! Of coarse it is a different kind of crab but hot boiled crabs or shrimp are always a treat. Enjoy it MO and remember crabs are like Chinese they are good for you and an hour later you will be hungry again so stay longer and eat again! Yea right
My Big Brother
in GRIEF
Posted
I am so saddened by your loss. May God give comfort to you and the rest of your family.