Jump to content

Mom is coming home (update)


Recommended Posts

Mom went from the hospital to a sub-acute rehab center. She was there for 2 weeks or so now and they are sending her home on friday because they stated that they cannot do anything more for her. We have decided to bring in hospice to help my dad out. he is doing all of this all by himself. She is convinced that her doctors dont know what they are doing and she wants to do more chemo/radiation/gamma knife. She has been told that her tumors are too spread apart and havent been effected by the radiation, so there is nothing left to do

Mom hasnt said anything to me. she just plays with the baby when i bring him and we talk about the weather. (if you get my drift). Its been very odd for me because she has been outwardly nasty to almost everyone she knows and anyone that has visited her in the past week. Like she is getting a lot off her chest verbally. Its horrible because she is sending her closest of friends away from her. She doesnt say anything to me. I wonder if its because she has nothing to say or if she knows that even tho she is ill, i would still fight back at her and let her know that she has no right to be so nasty to me. Maybe, she is afraid that if she hurts me like she does everyone else, I may not bring the baby as often. Either way, its odd.

Now I just wonder what is going to happen next. I fear for her and I hope that she can find some peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


your baby is precious.

Have you and your family considered getting a

second or third opinion? If there is no new growth

it sounds like the tumors are stable. This is just

an idea for you and your family. Do you live close

to another hospital or cancer center? Most insurances

do allow and pay for another opinion. It sounds like

your mom wants to continue fighting. Talk to your mom

about getting anoyher opinion and going to another doctor.

She needs you and your helpnow. Be her advocate and

make these suggestions to her. I bet it would put a smile

on her face and she will thank you for helping her. There

are lots of treatment out there for stage IV. Don't give

up, keep up the fight..

Please keep us posted...

God Bless, prayers and gentle hugs,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is your mom on steroids? If so, that can cause a person's disposition to change. She may not be able to help it.

When my Dad was on steroids, he became very mean-spirited. At one point, he threw something a nurse, and the physical therapists refused to come into his room. I found myself becoming very angry with him. Then my older brother gave me some insight into how steroids make a person feel. After that, I was able to be very compassionate when Dad was mean. Thank goodness we were able to taper off the steroids and he became himself again.

Right now things probably feel surreal, and I'm so sorry this is happening to your mom and your family. My heart goes out to you.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

KAren, Thank you for your thoughts and ideas. Mom has had new tumors grow since the gamma knife surgery and the existing tumors have grown. I guess I should fix my signature.

Pam, Mom is on the maximum amount of allowable steroids. This is part of the reason why they dont want to do anymore radiation.

She has seen all the top doctors in our area. Unfortunately they all agree. The meanness of my mon, well that could be triggered by the steriods, but she has always been somewhat like this, so its not a suprise to all of us. We know that she is scared. The other thing I wanted to mention is that she 'says' she wants to do all these things but she doesnt try. Like the doctors ordered physical therapy to help her move about more and she refuses to do it, she refuses to take medications etc. This is because she thinks she knows better than the doctors. So now we see her in pain or discomfort and its because she refused to do what the doctors have told her.

We try to explain and reason. She is a very difficult person.

Oh, and thanks about my big boy. He is now a year old. He gives me the strength to get out of bed every day, these days.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I know how hard it is to see this happening and to have to do battle with her as well. Let's hope that getting home will make some difference to her and that the hospice people, with all their experience, can help. Sounds like your little (BIG!) boy is a godsend and the only bright spot in her life at this point. Perhaps he'll be the one who can get her to reach out not only to him but to the rest of you as well.

Hang in there!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people that are fighting this terrible disease seem to want to push people away from them. I have to believe this is to guard their emotions, as well as those being pushed away. You know, it's easy to not be upset about something you're completely detached from. Maybe by "detaching" herself from friends and loved ones, it is easier for her to deal with the situation. Does this make sense? I also know that the steroids are very mood altering drugs. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time of this. Facing cancer is tough enough during the best of situations. Praying for you and your mom!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, Randi, I have been worried about you. Sorry to hear that thing continue on the downward trend. Hospice can be a huge help emotionally and situationally, hopefully they will help your Mom and your Dad. Just keep on like you have been, the baby is a positive for her, you are doing what you can. Much of the rest is out of your hands. Love, Margaret

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.