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Hi! I posted a "new here" message on the welcome board. I won't repeat really just recap.

Mom diagnosed with lc early 1999. Part of one lung removed and also tumors in brain removed initially. Currently has tumors in both lungs and just found out Fri, more in brain as well.

I don't know the terms. I think I'm afraid to ask. I think I should have found you guys a long long time ago. I think Mom's Dr isn't aggressive enough. My mom is 57 and is my best friend.

My questions are these: How do you cope? What will the end look like? Is it premature to think the end is close? (I certainly don't want to think that but I'd like to be realistic) How do I get my Dad to open up and discuss things with me? I'm afraid he's going to implode eventually. He's not much of a talker and he and I have a close relationship but we never talk about anything deep or meaningful. I think we need to start but I don't know how to begin.

That's just the start of my questions. Thanks so much.

Amy

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Hi Amy,

Sorry to meet you under these circumstances but I think you will be very happy you found this site....I sure am. This is a fantastic network of people here who are experiencing LC one way or another. I find for me it is a great way to deal with what is going on...somedays I just read all about everyone else, somedays I get really sad when others are grieving, but there are the days where I feel so loved and feel that no matter what is going on there is always someone here to listen.

In respect to your questions....no one can ever tell when the end is near and that is why you have to live each day to the fullest....one of those things people always say but until you are in a situation like this you never really do focus on it.

Give your dad time...he will open up eventually. I can see what this is doing to my mother seeing my dad this way and its probably the same way reversed for you. I am not sure if you are married or not (I am not married) but I sure cant even imagine what it must be like to watch the person you love the most in life go through this.

Dont be scared to know what the terminology is. For me it has made me able to get a firm grasp on what is going on because I feel apart of it by knowing each detail...but at the same time try not to research too much because there can be alot of discouraging things out there.

As a daughter I can relate to what you are going through..anytime you need to vent feel free to "pm" me.

Tracy

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HI Amy

How to cope, its not easy. You just take one day at a time, try to enjoy every day that you have with your mom and know that there is hope. Hope is what keeps us going. The support you will get from these boards is also a great coping mechanism. You will find out there is usually someone here going through the same thing you may going through. No matter what it is someone here can usually relate and that helps just knowing your not alone. My dad doesnt talk a lot about his feelings either, but for me thats ok, because evertime I see him he gives me this special smile, and I know thats his way of saying I love you. Welcome to our family Amy, I think you will like it here.

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Hi Amy,

So sorry we must meet this way but welcome to our family. Read all you can on this board. It is full of wonderful information. Also, is it possible for you to go to the doctor with your parents? I know that each time we go I prepare by writing down a list of questions I have to ask. I also found that the oncologist's research nurse is very helpful when I email her with questions. I agree with the others - NO ONE can take away my HOPE.

Blessings to you,

Peg

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Hope is certainly what gives me to ability to get through each day. I found this site because after my husband was diagnosed I was on the internet day and night trying to find information. My advice to anyone who asks is to STAY OFF THE NET! The only good thing that came of it for me was that one day in desperation I typed Lung Cancer Survivor into a search engine because every single thing I found on the internet was so grim. Some of that research stays with me even now. But I don't look for information on the internet anymore - EVER! I ask questions here and I ask questions of our nurses and doctors.

I get up each morning and remind myself that I have to stay in "today" and I don't allow myself to go into tomorrow, next week or next year. I am not always successful with that but when I find myself thinking about what could happen next week I have a mental talk with myself. Its so important to enjoy the present. I just don't want to waste any of this time that Hugh is feeling so well on worrying what may be happening down the road.

This is an awesome place to come and vent, share successes, get information and just talk with friends who know what your going through!

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Guest Betty
Hi Amy,

So sorry we must meet this way but welcome to our family. Read all you can on this board. It is full of wonderful information. Also, is it possible for you to go to the doctor with your parents? I know that each time we go I prepare by writing down a list of questions I have to ask. I also found that the oncologist's research nurse is very helpful when I email her with questions. I agree with the others - NO ONE can take away my HOPE.

Blessings to you,

Peg

Peg.....I have to ask you.....your husband has stage 1V nsclc with mets and in a clinical trial?

Our Doc {Onacolagist} told us no trials were being done on stage 4 nsclc that had met. Can you give me information on where?

Many thanks, Betty

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Guest Betty

Peg,

I thank you so much. I don't understand why he was not told of this trial when I asked about any trials for stage 4 metastic lung cancer and was told none that he could find.!

I;m wondering now if he is getting the best treatment....I am his caregiver as well. I love him too much to lose him..

Many thanks for the reply and may God watch over us all.

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OH, WHAT QUESTIONS YOU HAVE. I GOT ON HERE LAST NIGHT AND STARTED TRYING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS BUT IN THE END I ERASED IT. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT ONE JUST COPES. THERE ISN'T ANY RECEIPT FOR IT, ONE JUST DOES. YOU ASKED "WHAT WILL THE END BE LIKE". I SAY, DON'T THINK ABOUT THE END, ONLY GO WITH TODAY AND TRY TO MAKE IT AS PLEASANT AS POSSIBLE FOR BOTH YOUR MOM AND DAD AND YOURSELF..

BEING A SPOUSE, I KNOW WHAT YOUR DAD IS FEELING. HOWEVER, I AM THE FEMALE AND THAT IS JUST A LITTLE DIFFERENT I AM SURE. I AM PREPARED IN THE FUTURE IF MY HUSBAND GOES BEFORE ME TO TAKE OVER ALL THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES FOR BEING BORN A WOMAN, THAT WAS ONE OF MY JOBS. MEN HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH THAT ONE. THEY FEEL LOST AT FIRST, SOME NOT KNOWING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELF FOR THEIR WIFE ALWAYS DID THAT. WIFE'S USUALLY HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH FINANCES BECAUSE THEY NEVER TOOK CARE OF FINANCES, HUSBAND'S USUALLY DID THAT. BUT IN THE END, WE ALL LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE....FOR THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT, SURVIVALLLLLLLL.

AS FAR AS HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR DAD, JUST START THE CONVERSATION AND GO FROM THERE. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND HOW HARD OF A TIME YOU ARE HAVING DEALING WITH THIS ALONE...HE WILL HELP YOU AND YOU HIM AND MOM BOTH WILL HELP BOTH OF YOU......GOD BLESS

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Knowledge IS power!! Research lung cancer on the internet...multitude of important information available...As for the end..cross that bridge when and if you get to it. Fight hard and live each day like it is a year...take charge of this thing and make each moment count...take pictures...write stories...record voices...maximize the good days and cope with the bad...switch onc. if you are not satisfied....and PRAY for God's miracles!! Good luck and welcome..

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I absolutely agree with all the previous posts. See how great these people are? THEY are my inspiration, reading their stories and getting to know them gives me HOPE, and spending all the time I have with my dad and loved ones with each day I have with them.

Hang in there, and welcome to the board.

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