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Depression isn't just a hole in the road, anymore.


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Journal Excerpt:

Wednesday, April 27th- Tuesday, May 3rd Well, it’s been about a week. I guess I don’t owe an apology for neglecting my own Journal; but, I feel that an explanation is in order. And I don’t have one. Not really. Ok, I’ve got the “Bluesâ€

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Uncle Doug,

Glad to see there is some light trying to break through the end of the tunnel. Happy to see to you will be getting some income and that your medical bills will be covered. I'm sure that is a substantial load off of your shoulders. Very interested in hearing about the ingredients to your creamy onion soup (hint hint)..I love onion soup and well....cream added to anything only makes it better :-) Glad to see you posting again...was missing your journal updates. Hope your appetite returns quickly.


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Uncle Doug,

This ride we are on has been compared to a roller coaster with the steep hills and deep valleys. Sometimes, it's more like a carousel, smaller ups and downs but still just going in circles on a well-worn trail.

You will have emotional ups and downs. It's not just the smoking question that is doing that, I swear. Peaks and valleys, self-doubt and hope...it's a mind trip moreso than it is a physical journey.

I compare my cancer to the monster under the bed (or in the closet). There are times when the monsters come out and I scramble desparately for a flashlight - I don't always find one. For the times that I can't make them go away on my own, I have my "Monster Cocktail" of an Ambien and a Xanax. Quiets those voices and lets me sleep. I have noticed I can face anything on a good night's sleep. Are you sleeping?

Uncertainty and fear - take a step back from it. You truly don't know anything more about the day and time of your death than you knew prior to your diagnosis. Why fear it any more, it was always there, now it just seems to have a clearer face. Hey, like I tell most of the newcomers, you ain't out of the Random Beer Truck Lottery. Make sure you look both ways before crossing the street!

Depression is not an odd thing on this ride. If you feel it's something you can't kick or need help just when the monsters break out, talk to your doctor.

As for feeling like an addict and lowering your dosage, don't do that. You and your doctor have a partnership. You tell him what's going on, he gives you something to help. Trust him. When the pain starts to leave, THEN worry about being addicted, but right now, your plate is full - no need to add some cold spinach to the mix! Long-term side effects, in an odd way, are something to look forward to, donchathink?

Take care, and keep moving. Remember, a bend in the road is not the end of the road -- unless you fail to make the turn.


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Hi Doug,

Always look foward to reading your journal. You are so inspiring and so whitty.

I was sorry to hear you are going through a funk, :( well Iam not even sick and I certainly have my funk daze... That saps my energy right there. So it is understanable about your funk with all you are going through, especially chemo and the pain medication.

I hope you start to feel stronger and get out of funk land real soon.

Thinking of you and praying for better times real soon. 8)


PS, that soups sounds good. yummy...

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:) I think Becky has a wonderful insite in this whole screwed up mess we have to deal with. cancer is in our lives and we have to learn to cope. I also have found I can't deal with much without sleep. Hang in there and listen to all these very smart, supportive, wonderful people. God bless, Nancy C.
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For those of you who responded to this small missive of mine on depression - thank you. I know now that many of us suffer from the same symptoms from time to time - it's nice to know that I'm at least normally depressed. As a gift to you here is the recipe for Creamy Onion Soup. I can attest to it's effectiveness, as I was seen cracking a smile and, at one indiscrete moment, letting loose with a guffaw after only two bowls. Enjoy!

Creamy Onion Soup

Outback Restaurant

2 large sweet onions; sliced and quartered

2 Tbsp butter

¼ cup Wondra flour

1 14.5 oz can chicken broth

1 tsp sage

1 10.75 oz can French onion soup

1 10.75 oz can cream of celery soup

1 10.75 oz can cream of chicken soup

1 pint (16 oz) whipping cream (or ½ and ½)

1 8 oz pkg Colby/Monterey jack grated cheese

fresh ground pepper

Melt butter in large soup pot. Add onions and sauté over medium heat until soft and transparent. Add sage; stir. Add flour and stir until thoroughly mixed and roux is formed. Add chicken broth all at once and continue stirring until thick and bubbly. Add cream, pepper, French onion, celery and chicken soups; stir until mixed and heated through. Blend in cheese. Serve with croutons or crusty bread. Serves 6-8

I had this soup at the Outback restaurant one night at a company dinner. It was by far the best part of the meal. I searched the internet for a ‘copycat’ recipe, and although I found several, I developed this one as a quick and easy version. Tastes very close to the real thing!

Uncle Doug

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