Treebywater Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Just wanted to check in and tell you of the world of transition I still exist in. The family FINALLY all left today. It was so nice of them to come, but sometimes it just was so frusterating that I didn't know what to do. My Dad and I are both pretty private about our grief and felt like we couldn't really get started doing it until all the gawking extra people were gone. And I am grateful to have 'my' kitchen back. The funeral was lovely... It was so very Mom. I read scripture for the service and got through it pretty well. Carolyn helped. There were tears in the service, but lots of laughs too, just like Mom would have wanted. The last couple days have been wrapped in the question of "Now what?" We decided after mulling it over that I will go back with my huband for this last month before his *BIG ONE* out. We got a rental house squared away today and we'll leave Sunday (may need a hall pass). The decision was clinched when I realized that this has taught me that THE MOST important thing is being with my family. Carolyn and I need to be with him right now. Then, we will come back and be with my Dad. So... that's the world according to Tree. Muddling through. Holding up pretty well though I know there will be tough days ahead. Have already cycled through lots of feelings of happiness for Mom being out of pain, odd feelings of relief, and sadness about just plain missing my Mommy. Overall though, I'm pretty together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarHart Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 It is really hard to lose a parent, but it sounds like you are holding up pretty well. You just hold on tight to that beautiful baby and the rest of your family and it will get better. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Karen H Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Dear Val, First know that you have earned my utmost respect with the care you gave your mother, being a new mother yourself, and support to you dad. What an awesome job you have done! I am happy you will have this time with your husband. I guess I came on board late to know exactly where he has been, and am guessing from the way you said it, where he is going. If I am right, he will be in my prayers daily until his return. Finally, I lost my own dear mother to LC in 1985. I think I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I was 38 years old. I still miss her today and thank her for the gifts she gave me...kindness, courage, compassion, and the list can go on and on. You will continue to remember you own dear mother every day, and eventually find yourself smiling. My very best wishes for you and your family, Val. I hope you keep visiting here. You know I just LOVE that baby pic. Maybe we need an updated one, they change so fast. I would like to see one of you and baby! How about that? Warm (((hugs))), Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Best luck to you Val! Enjoy the time with your husband and Carolyn. Your dad sounds like a strong man! Many prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbays Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 You take care honey, you've done a lot and you will be blessed BIG. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Hi, Val, Hugs for you, baby and hubster. You are awesome and we love you. Glad you will be w/ your husband for the next month and know you will be blessed for all you have done and continue to do. Pat and Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Val, Glad the family has left and you can "regroup" a bit. I am so happy that you will have precious time to be with your husband, the only "good" thing about cancer is it certainly puts things into perspective doesn't it? I am wishing you peaceful days ahead with your family. And lots of wonderful memories of your Mom, it is so hard... emotions will come and go. You have my prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 I so remember when my mom died at age 58 of nsclc. It was one of the hardest things I went thru. I remember after the funeral-a few days later cleaning out the fridge from all the leftovers people had brought out. My hubby took my dad to the county fair to see the pacers (horses) run, I just sat in that empty house. I missed her so much. 11 yrs later I still miss her. BUT it is more like I have not talked to her for awhile. The lost feelings were gone along time ago and all the good memories are there. It takes time but you will get there. Hug that baby. Love and prayers, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Val, Glad you checked in and let us know how you are doing. You've been on my mind. Glad you will have some time now to be with your hubby, you really need that. Like Kasey suggests, We would love to see you with Carolyn. She is so beautiful and so are you. You've been such a wonderful daughter Val. You've done everything you could for your mom and your Dad. Sure hope you can find some Val time now. Take care. Love and Prayers, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Hi Val, I have been looking forward to your post. You seem to be coping quite well. It will be such a relief for you to be out of your parents home for awhile and be with your hubby and Caroline. They are going to be such healing factor for you. Please enjoy your time together as you will make some wonderful memories of the three of you. You both will finally being able to enjoy watching Caroline together. To watch this miracle you made. Your so lucky you can pick her up and smell that baby smell. That aroma is healing itself. It smells life... I miss that so much. That really is PRICELESS!! You are a wonderful, caring,loving daughter who took care of your mom when she was in such need. You were a G-d-sent to her and your dad. You should have no quilt feelings what-so-ever. You did all that you could while taking care of a baby. Where did all that strength come from?? What a trooper you are!! Your up and down feelings I know was felt by us all. You did everything right. Never second guess yourself. That has help me tremendously to cope with my grief for my mom, But knowing that I was there for her, really makes me feel good inside. It brings an inner peace to me. Then there are moments that I break down, when a memory comes over me. It could happen at the spur of the moment when I least expect it.That is the grief process, but I feel this will not linger with me as I must go on with my life, as it is so precious and that is what my mom would want. Any mother would want that for her child. But I miss her so much. Yesterday, was a month. Be at peace sweetie, your mom is. Make those memories... PS. you may want to take a cooking course while you husband is away. You could use the LCHELP recipe book. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patut Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 The folks who have answered you so far are so smart! They say all the words I want to say to you. Just having my house back to myself was another type of grieving for me - I love my family, but I found out I also needed time alone for a bit. It's been 7 months for me now and I get a little stronger each day. But I still have days when I can not believe he has passed on and the tears flow. My best to you and your hubbie and your little one. Cyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 Val, glad to see your post and know you are doing okay. Good for you to go be with your hubby. Healing from grief takes a long time, but it sounds like you are moving with it well. Keep in touch. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Dear Val, I am holding you in my thoughts. I know the pain of losing your beloved mom. My daughter too helped get me through some tough times. Please contact me if you ever need someone to listen. Take care of yourself. All my best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Val, it sounds like you are hanging in there. Good for you. Do take some time and spend it with your husband and daughter. You deserve it. You have been a wonderful daughter to your parents. God bless you and take care. Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 I'm so glad you're staying close. you're loved here. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted August 2, 2005 Share Posted August 2, 2005 Hi Val, You were a wonderful help to your Mom and your family throughout her journey with cancer. Take good care of yourself in the days and months ahead. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.