nancy c Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I am feeling depressed --as I read this site daily --these last few weeks there have been too much negative news ---and losses.I am sure part of it is losing Mike less than 2 months ago-so wounds are still fresh. But I am starting to feel a feeling of helplessness and that many of the patients aren't getting the support from the medical community concerning positive outcomes of this disease. Or they are not recieving the aggressiveness they do deserve. I feel there's too many uncertainities with this disease. Maybe I am reliving my turmoil of Mike's illness. Something just doesn't seem right.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Nancy, Things are not right. You miss Mike...........it seems so odd that things go on.........like why do you still ahve to pump gas or pay the paper boy??? Doesn't anyone have a clue that your husband died??? That is why things don't feel right. The aren't right. Honey, I am so sorry and I can only hug you from here. (The next time we think Brian can go a whole day w/out throwing up we are going to head for the QC and take you out for Harris Pizza and then for Whitey's Ice Cream. We want to spend the whole time getting to know Mike through you. It is so hard to come here and feel the bad news. But then the warm love comes through and we all help hold each other up. Want us to hold your pork chop tonight? It will be safe I have ice cream in the freezer and Bri is too sick to eat it. consider youself hugged and know that I really get it. Love you P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Nancy. You are absolutely right. Things are not right. We have all suffered terrible losses. Some of us greater than others, obviously. We are all struggling to do the best we can with what is put in front of us. Not only has there been tragic deaths to this damn disease, but there has been the newly diagnosed, the families who are reeling, the recurrences that are coming at us from left and right. This is not a fun illness. It is downright horrid. When my Dad died and we were going to the cemetary, the world continued on and many an eye did not even look the way of the hearse as it passed. I could not understand why everyone did not stop as my Dad was going by for the last time. Didn't they know? Nicely put, Pat. You DO get it. You have been there too many times. This is hard, Nancy. Your Mike was a very special guy, wonderful husband and father. And you are just as special. All my best to you. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Many things are just not right and the hurt we are all reeling from watching our loved ones or our friends lose their lifes partner, their parent, child, friend , sibling or whatever.... It just hurts right down in the gut! Time heals our wounds but never takes away all our pain. You are here supporting others and watching a very bad month so far unfold and you have just lost you're husband.. How can anything be right? We just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking forward, doing what we can for who we can and hope in some small way we have helped. You are wonderful Nancy and I am praying for a less heavy load for you as time goes on. We love you. God Bless, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Nancy, You are so right. I am always wondering if the researchers and doctors are really doing all that they can. Sometimes it really scares me. Dealing with these issues is a very challenging thing to do. You hang in there. Living life, Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Nancy, I am heartbroken after reading your post. I know what you are feeling at this point in your life. Yes, we have had so much sadness and grief here to deal with and you are still trying to cope with Mike's death. Right about now is the time that people around you (friends, co-workers) are all consumed with their lives. They will rarely mention Mike anymore. To some, it's because they don't want to upset you while others just don't remember. I know that talking about Dennis was my way of keeping him alive. I know it's hard for people to understand that. Dennis knew so many people here in town and now it seems that I never talk to anyone that even knew him. Sometimes, I feel as if his live was nonexistent to anyone but me. Nancy, please talk to us about Mike. Like Pat said in her post...tell us all about him! You know, there are so many times I just want to tell someone...even a stranger...about the wonderful man I shared my life with. Nancy, please know that I am here to listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 You all are so wonderful. I feel so much better reading the site tonite. You guys really do know how I feel. Cyndi-you are right--doesn't anyone realize he is gone forever? He will never come home again--he will never meet me at the door when I come home from work. It is so final. Jane-you are right too--how can anything be right? Pat--I know you know how I feel--and it breaks my heart that you are going down this road--a roller coaster. And Ann, you have been one of my greatest supporters, and thank you. You are still giving support after your loss. You are a saint. God bless you all,Nancy C p.s Jamie--that is a beautiful face in the picture!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Nancy, I had hoped I would never know how you feel, but I do, at least in the early stages now. I've been trying to read posts every day, and there have just been so many that I haven't even felt like starting to try to catch up, plus I've been terribly busy with paperwork and all. It's all starting to slow down now, and I'm finding myself alone with my thoughts more often. When I read your post tonight, I had to grab my chest and take several deep breaths because I felt like I was going to die - it just took my breath away - the depth of the losses and the sadness is just overwhelming to me right now. It's especially hard for the bad news posts. I love everyone here so much, and I don't feel like I have anything to offer anymore. Every time I try to type something, I just start crying, and I just delete my words. I want you and everyone else to know that just because I haven't yet been able to post or talk about this, you are all in my thoughts and prayers every single day. I weep for people like Pat & Brian, Joyce and Steve, Tina and Charlie, Fay A., Dean Carl, Cindi, Addie, SBeth, Justakid, Frank, TAnn, Sue & Mike, Andrea, Don & Lucie, etc. I pray for all of you that I know so well that you or your loved one are NED or in remission, or stable - Snowflake, Maryanne, Connie B, Cindy RN, Kasey etc. And I pray for all of you who are fighting so hard to fight back this disease, and all the new people, and everyone waiting for tests or test results. I just can't think of all the names or list them here - but every last one of you are in my thoughts and prayers every single day. Nancy and Ann and Ginny and Lynne and Margaret, and all of you that have been through this, I just don't know how you do it. There was just supposed to be more time . . . . Love to all, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 (((((Nancy))))) (((((Peggy)))) (((((Everybody)))) The ache hurts so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I am just so sad Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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