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I am going mobile .....away


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with our car and our dog Charlina.

I think it might help to be in more contact to other people, although I am afraid of meeting people I last saw together with Richard.

Normally that would happen every day around you, but as we are living abroad since more than 20 years ...moving house frequently and having lived onboard a boat ....our friends are in every wind direction as well.

So in a way I feel like bringing the news of Richards death personally...

I think it that way...

Well the real reason for writing is to let you know that I will be in contact via internet cafees if and when I find them on route.

I will be in northern Spain, France and Germany.Wishing you good luck.


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Bettina, Just wanted to tell you to have a safe trip. I think that you are right about it being in more contact with people.

Sometimes we find comfort in the thing that we think would cause more pain, as you mentioned your fear about seeing people that you saw last with your Richard.

It is good that you are taking this step, you must be ready for it. Travel safe and try to enjoy your trip. Take it all in, Richard will be with you, I really believe that he is with you. I am glad that you will stay in touch, when you can. We look forward to your posts, as always. Let us know how you are doing and we are here for you, as you have been for us. Take care, you remain in my thoughts-Deb

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i can't think of a better way to start getting one's life back together. i sure give you a lot of credit. the hurt will only for a split second when you see your friends for the first time since your husband's death. just that split second, then you will be able to carry on fine. I feel that is the way it would be for me.

good luck and have a nice time. life does go on and we have to go on with it...... :D

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  • 4 weeks later...

A friend came along for the first part of the trip with her husband in a new camper van ....we made it in one "big "jump to the swiss border. During the night (I slept on the back seat of the car ....really recomendable for past 45 year old ones ) my friend suffered a very painfull heart condition but refused to go to the hospital in Bern. Once we arrived at her home town (300km onwards)she did go in and the docs found, that only half her heart worked etc etc . She spent over a week in hospital ....I was so áfraid that it was s.th. else. Having been through all the problems in the last year one seems to be always fear for the worst ....she is a heavy smoker too.

Now I she is stable again and I will be heading off to the north of Germany and start to see friends and family.

Internet Cafes are not that frequently to be found or identified and are real armpit theatres as it is stifeling hot here at the moment.

I am only given 30 min to play with and send all my best wishes to you.


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Bettina, I've been wondering how your travels are going. I am so glad that you got the opportunity to post. I am sorry about your friend, but glad she is on the up-swing.

Enjoy your journey, and keep us posted when you can. I've never really been outside the USA, only as far west as Ohio (oooh, aaah) and to Florida. Oh, and there was our honeymoon in St. Lucia-which was beautiful-there was a stop over in Puerto Rico-but only stayed in the airport-how exciting is my life? Never been to Europe, but hope to someday. Never been further north than Lake Placid, NY-which was also beautiful. Never even been to Canada...so I live vicariously through those that are able to travel anywhere else. Take care, Bettina, looking forward to your future posts. Deb

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  • 1 month later...

Hello again !

After 10 weeks I have made it back ...a few 7000km...It really turned out to be a flight or I should say a way to have my mind doing other things but brood.

Trying to escape reality...and what I found where very few people being able to deal with Richard's death and me.

Mostly they wondered that he was still so much part of my life and in my thoughts.As if one could just wipe 20 years out of ones life ....That would be as if I had not lived either in that time. People can be so strange.Death is almost an untouchable subject, as if it did not happen to all of us.

But no, no great response and at the end I stopped trying to even mentioning him.Which is difficult because the brain comes up with so many examples in which he played a role as well.

Well, what I really was able to enjoy was Berlin and my old school friend there...bizarrly , once I left her companion, 69 years of age was diagnosed with imminent danger of heart attack and even more bizarr, when I visited friends in Dijon, France .

He looked very ashen and shaky and had a pulse of 132 ....no I need no doc ...no I am well....We managed to talk on the phone with his doc in Germany who said : Testament and head in sand or immediately back to Germany and straight into the clinic.

What a job to convince him ..well he went and is safe now.

Hey, I better stay away from people ...or may be I should carry on ???

When arriving at the french boarder to Spain I did not want to drive across and face our house...so I stayed another night in a hotel until I was able to master the emtions.

Now it is the big black whole again...lonelyness..and no one to care for.No one means RICHARD to care fore as nobody could replace him.

I think the only happy one here is Charly our pooch ...happy because so many homes we stayed in meant so many potential new places to live.Now she has her things around her she seems much better.

Anyway I must go on reading the message boards to get back on track with you!!

Many fond regards


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Tina welcome back, glad to hear how you are doing. Did you hear about the wall that Rick is making in memory of our loved ones. Perhaps you would like to participate. Donna G

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Good to see that you are back with us!! Your posts are always so honest and insightful.

I understand what you mean about friends being reluctant to talk about death or to mention those that are gone. I remember when my dad died.. I went back to work and half the people didn't even bring it up..they came by and said hello, asked me how I was...but didn't even address the fact that I had had a loss. Like bringing it up would upset me or something as if it were not on my mind all day anyway!!

I had been real close with my dad and felt the need to talk about him alot, and about the way that he had died. After a while I stopped because I sensed how uncomfortable it made people. And I actually had my ex ask me when I cried Christmas morning, when I was going to "get over" it. Just one of the many reasons why he is my "ex"!! 8) People think that you are just going to "snap" out of your grief or something...I don't get it!

I'm sorry that you did not get the relief you were searching for on your trip. I'm sure it will come to you Tina but your grief will lessen on its own time unfortunately. It just will never be rushed.

Again, welcome back!

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So glad you are back with us. Glad your friend is doing well. Fortunate he had you to talk some sense into him regarding treatment. Yes, I too know what you mean about people not talking about a deceased loved one. I suppose they feel talking about them will stir up emotions in us and cause pain. If people only knew how important it is to talk about and remember them. Dennis had so many friends and sometimes it would just help so much to sit down with them and remember good times and happy thoughts. I guess people think they're helping us by being silent! Anyway...so glad you're back!

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