Ann Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Do others out there have real jerks for bosses? Having had our own company for years, I try and understand that the mental stress and strain is very much for a small business owner. On the other hand, I know how important it is to be nice to the people that are running your business and keeping food on your table. My boss is just six months older than my oldest son (30) yet he acts like a two year old. He's a spoiled brat that has always had his parents bail him out of any problems. He has no respect for anyone. He does not treat his mother well, he says terrible things about his wife to others...he's a disaster. He can have his good moments, although few and far between. I stay here because I am good at my job and the money is really great for this part of Florida. My problem is that he can make me so very mad in just a matter of seconds. Instead of yelling when my temper gets that hot, I always cry. It's tears of anger...not sadness. I'm so afraid that he will mistake this for weakness. Does anyone have any ideas how I can stop doing this? This is pretty much something that I have done all my life. Dennis used to say when I got mad enough to cry, it was time for him to take five and let me get calmed down...lol! I've had a really bad morning dealing with the boss! He has a terrible memory (combination of stress and pot) and continuously thinks he told me things to do that he didn't. Any ideas other than change jobs??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Ann, I work in a law office and have to share with you that homicide is still illegal, so let's work on a Plan B... I also cry when I am VERY mad, my husband knows that if I'm in tears, it's time to run (insert fire scene scene from "Carrie"). Don't know how to help you with that, it's just how you're wired. Your boss is not a nice guy, he is passive-aggressive. He's a jerk to you, but then he's nice so you won't leave him high and dry. There are ways to deal with such people, but top of my head, I don't remember. It's him, not you. Send him to a time out, that's the best I can do as Plan B, gotta keep your butt outta jail! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Ann, I am totally empty right now and I can't give you any advice but I wanted you to know that you are not alone with having a jerk for a boss. Today I am dealing with the fact that my boss has been transferred to another site temporarily which is a good thing, but instead of me taking his place which is what SHOULD happen, another manager with less experience than me, who also happens to be my best friend here, is being promoted to be the Site Manager. This is because my crazy *ss boss has spent the last year discrediting me in countless ways to the corporate office because he feels threatened by me. After trying for over a year to hurt me in some way, he has finally had the opportunity to do so, in both my pride and my pocketbook since this would have doubled my salary. I am off today and tomorrow luckily, so I have 2 days to somehow get myself together. I just don't know how to right now, I'm an emotional basketcase. How the HELL am I going to manage THIS, I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. I have to try to remember that right now its the only paycheck in town for me, and suck it up. Yeah, right! Too bad we're not closer, we could get together with a box of tissues Ann!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Ok. Bosses. Mine is a jerk sometimes, yes. But she's also my sister. Our mother is still living. We are both terrified of our mother if we misbehave. 'nuff said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Well Ann I'm not too sure about advice. For years I did the same thing you do. I would get mad but hold it in. The tears of frustration were always there. Sense the one I was dealing with was my husband he did take it for weakness and I let him. Well you know how that turned out when I finally decided to hold my own We can only be who and what we are. It took me a long time to blow up and when I got over the shock of it I really felt better. I know this job is important to you but at what cost are you willing to pay to keep it? It may cost you your job then again who knows? He may respect you more if you tell him how it is. The problem with people like him is that no one is willing to stand up to him. That is why he can get away with the things he does. I really think that you need to have a talk with him. Tell him that if he can't show you the respect that you deserve he should find someone else who is willing to give up their identity to please him because you are not going to do it any more. Unfortunately the world is full of spoiled self centered idiots. Some of them really need to be taken down a peg or two. Not only would you be doing yourself a favor but maybe him too. Sounds to me like he is so unsure of himself that he covers it up but being a real *ss That is one thing I have really been lucky with. Every boss I have had has always been fair and kind. That means a lot. I just had on time that there was a problem and I put the guy in his place big time. I did that at a time when I was really unsure of myself but boy did it feel good and he never bothered me again. I was working at a fast food resturant on the early morning shift. We were not allowed to clock in early because they didn't want to pay for it. I would go in and work off the clock sometimes for nearly a half hour. I have always been one who would rather be early than late so I allowed plenty of time. Well one day I was taking my break and that assistant manager came by and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was taking my break while it was slow. A truck was there delivering supplies and the truck driver heard what went on. He later spread the word and a lot of people had a good laugh at that guy's expence. He told me that anyone in his building had better be working or they should stay outside even when it was break time. It just hit me the wrong way. I said "you know I come in here early everyday and work off the clock. From now on I will not do that. If I work I will be paid for my time. I would rather stand outside in a snow storm than give you one more minute of my time free." Well after that I got my breaks when I was due one and I never clocked in early again when he was there. It worked out very well for me and my self esteem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flwrjunke Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Ann, I'm so sorry that your having to go thru this. I know how you feel. Some years back I worked for a couple for real crazys and though it was hard, I did learn a little from it. I would first try sitting him down and talking to him, maybe over lunch or something. By sharing with him some of your feelings, maybe you can come to an understanding. Of course you can't expect to change him, but if you could find some middle ground that might be helpful. Hang in there and I hope it gets better. Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Well if I were you I would first of all ask him to please put things in writing so you will remember. When he wants something done, ask him to put it on a memo. That way he can't say he told you to do something and you forgot. That will at least solve the problem with his memory issues. As for being a putz...no help there except to say we've all been there and we feel your pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Ann, I just smile every time I read anything you write. I just can't believe how much our lives are alike. First with our hubby's, and now this. I am the BIGGEST crybaby that ever lived. I avoid confrontation or anger things because I can NEVER retaliate because of the tears. Back in our 20s, Don bought me a book about how to be assertive because he got tired of me coming home from work crying about something somebody said or did and all I did was cry. LOL! I've read books, listened to tapes and done everything to try to overcome this and have decided there is no cure, so if I just try to avoid angry situations. I know any psychologists on here will beat me up good for that, but that's how I handle it - AVOID IT!! Love and hugs, Peggy P.S. Boy, what I wouldn't LIKE to say to that brat boss of yours. LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ann i had a Boss almost that bad a few year's back and one day after being snowed in and unable to go to work and the highway's were still closed for around 3 day's i was crawling up the wall's. Well i went to work and was setting at the break table when he started running his mouth. Yep you guessed it i knocked him over the break table twice and was immediately fired but i never new untill then how bad he was disliked including his own fatherinlaw and he was given the buissness by his dad and his less educated brother who was really a hard worker and had load's of common sense and a;most all there customer's thought i was a hero. I guess that was why i never went to jail over it but most people were afraid to hire me for along time but darn it i did feel better. Sorry you can't do the same..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie221 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ann, It's beyond me why so many people with such lousy people-skills get to be in positions of authority. But, apparently, it happens enough that there are a ton of website devoted to dealing with bad bosses. Just Google "bad boss" and you'll see! Here's a site I found that has lots of help and info. Hope it gives you some tips. http://www.badbossology.com/ By the way, I used to get teary when I felt angry but powerless. Writing a letter to the person who gets me angry and around whom I am afraid to express anger or stand up for myself works wonders for me. It either gets it out of my system enough that I can actually talk to the person without losing it or I just give them the letter. I get to express myself without the tears and the weak feelings (which only make me feel angrier about the whole thing!) Hang in there, Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midge Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Yep, yep, I read the messages and agree with em all..as we all know, life is short... However it pays the bills so grin and bare it or look for a new job..I have had my share of shi##y bosses and it seems as though they run in packs.. Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh yourself silly and get on with it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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