I'm about to lose my mom now, too

[Addie]

Karen....

I'm so sorry! But, honey....there is always hope. For one more day or even one more hour!

Thoughts to your family.

[ma's kid]

Karen,

Praying for you in this difficult time.

Libby

[luvmydog2]

Hey Karen. Glad to hear from you. Wish it had been more plesant news tho. Think about you a lot and often wonder how you are doing. Sorry to hear about your mother. As always I will keep you in my prayers.

[Remembering Dave]

Hey, Lily, that quote about the prayers was Dave's quote, I think he came up with that himself.

I get another CT scan on the 16th and then schedule surgery when I see the doc on the 20th, so nothing there yet.

gosh, now when I talk to my mom her voice quivers, it sounds just like my grandma's voice when she was in her 90's.

I got my mom an early Christmas gift, a portable DVD player with a 7" screen (I have one with a 10" screen and it's a lifesaver with Faith in the car), anyway, mom doesn't have a decent computer and wanted something she could look at her digital photos with. then I decided to get myself a new camcorder - one that records directly to a DVD - so that all of the things she's missing because she's sick, like Faith's upcoming christmas program, I can just video it and give her the DVD to watch. seems like a good excuse to upgrade from our three year old digital to tape camcorder we bought for the china trip. I know I can put the Hi8 tapes to DVD but I don't know how and it would be easier to just get an easier camcorder, ha.

I'm trying my best to make everything cheerful and normal. I decorated the front of my house as best as I could on my own with tacky Christmas stuff, but I am especially proud of my 14 piece, colored molded plastic two foot tall natvity scene. It is a birthday party for Jesus, after all, and I don't want anyone to forget that! anyway, I left the lights on during the day when it snowed and my parents drove by there after radiation on Monday and Mom loved it, so I'm glad I went to the trouble.

I am rambling so I will go.

God Bless,

Karen

[Ann]

Karen, you're never rambling on, so don't even go there. Lady, I have to day that you're one tough cookie. I do believe that God has one hand right there on your shoulder to help you through these tough times. I am so glad you did the lights and rreally glad that your mom got by to see them. I know how very proud she must be of you. Although I never had a daughter (always wanted one) I think it's a great thing to raise daughters to be strong. Sometimes, people think that only boys need to be tough. Boy, as widows (what an ugly sounding word), can we prove that theory wrong! Karen, thanks for being such an inspiration for us all!

[shirleyb]

Karen and Faith,

You and your mother/grandmother are in my prayers.

May you find ways to see the joy you bring her.

Praying for us all.

Shirleyb

[Kaffie]

Karen,

So sorry to see you mother is not doing well.

You are going through so much, my thoughts

and prayers are headed your way.

Kathy

[Lauriannessister]

Karen - I am really sorry to hear about you losing Dave and now your mom. I think it is so sweet that you asked your mom to write those recipes down. It is something you will always have from her, and eventually pass to Faith as well.

I feel like you are very blessed to have your mom for the holiday season. I hope that it is a good one for you, and that you are able to enjoy your time with her.

When my sister was in the hospital to have her brain tumor removed, I bought her a pair of slippers that said, "Miracles are all around us". I hope you will have some miracles this holiday season.

[Remembering Dave]

Crap, Lynda, how horrible. You know, it just makes sense that lungs are so susceptible to cancer - it's an organ with soft tissue, and it takes direct hits constantly from outside carcigens as you breathe. I'm getting less and less surprised to hear about young people who get cancer and I hate that. that picture of your sister and her baby is beautiful, she looks like a Madonna. I'm so sorry about this loss, she's so young and it totally sucks.

while I'm on the subject, does anyone else get pretty mad about all the pink breast cancer stuff that is being sold everywhere you go? the thing that irks me is that alot of it either doesn't benefit breast cancer research at all - you look closely, stuff never mentions any portion going toward that - OR, it says "10% of proceeds goes to breast cancer research." 10%????!!!??? just 10%? Or it says "breast cancer awareness purse, socks, scarf, water bottle, etc." AWARENESS, not money raising. someone's making money off of other's misfortuntes. so that's one pet peeve of mine, the other is the fact that it's all PINK, why can't the market be flooded with items sold to benefit or at least raise AWARENESS of ALL cancer? You don't hear much about colon cancer and it's killing my mom, it killed my mom's neighbor lady friend last year. you hear very little to NOTHING about lung cancer and look at Lynda's sister not to mention all our other loved ones. geez. if I see one more pink water bottle or coffe mug I may smash it on the floor of the store.

ok now I feel better.

yeah, I'm pretty strong, what choice do I have? and I think to make myself feel a little better, I'm going to get out some more Christmas lights I bought at 75% off last year (I have about ten more boxes I haven't opened hee hee) and string them all over the yard. I noticed someone did that and it really does add another element of tackiness to the whole display. and I might get the ladder out and put the icicle lights on the gutters. why not? I probably won't kill myself but I'll have a real sense of useless accomplishment. oh, and I've been trying to figure out how to mount the Star of Bethlehem over the nativity, now I know, I'm going to make a tripod out of garden rakes, duct taping the top, and then duct tape the star to the top. I think that will require yet another extension cord out to the nativity. I've spent more on extension cords this year than I have on any other Christmas item combined, including gifts (so far, ha). I'll take some pictures after I feel the display is complete and see if I can change my avatar to one of those photos.

I may be strong, but little bit crazy. but you know, I think my mom has FINALLY learned to appreciate my wackiness. it used to scare her. I'm glad we found that middle ground.

God Bless,

Karen

[Treebywater]

(((((Karen))))))

Thinking of you today.

I wouldn't get through the day if I wasn't both strong and a little bit crazy these days.

[kimmek]

DITTO on all the PINK stuff...no offense to anyone with breast cancer, as its terrible also, but its just not fair, right, or any of those other things. Before Lung cancer came into my life I did buy the little Pink things they put out in November, but no more. I will go out of my way to donate or do anything I can for any other cancer but that one, I just dont think breast cancer needs my help, they have enough. It makes me sick. Now watch, next week ill be dx with breast cancer after the trashing i just gave it. But its not the cancer itself, just the way the public treats it.In my book Cancer is Cancer, every dime raised, donated, whatever should be divided equally and fairly for all to reap the benfits, not just women. Isnt that like discrimination anyway? Ill stop now before i get my self in trouble. And no I did not feel this way before lung cancer was a part of my life, I never gave it a thought actually, and certainly didnt know how unfair it all is.

Kim

[daggiesmom]

Just have to agree. There is AWAY too much pink stuff in this world. Women are NOT aware that the number one cancer killer for them is LC. They just don't know.

Please don't take this as my thinking Breast Cancer is not important - I certainly don't think that. I think ALL Cancer sucks, BIG TIME. But I just don't think that women are getting a fair shake in all of this. Honestly, how many women know that lung cancer will kill them before breast cancer will?????

Before I had this, I always thought that breast cancer was the silent monster for women.

Unfortunately, many, many women are so wrapped up in PINK Frenzy that they don't know what will get them first. What is desperatly needed is a famous person to take up our cause. Of course, this has been mentioned many times before. Just venting, but I really wish that we could get some help, solid help. Does anyone know someone famous that could help us? If so, please contact them and do what you can. But yeah, we are neglected, BIG TIME.

[gerbil runner]

Karen, I so hear you on the "last" problems. Our Thanksgiving dinner was held in my parent's bedroom. It was bittersweet, but there's still that sweet part in there.

Get your mom to talk to you as much as possible. If she's willing, get her to star on that camcorder for Faith. Spoil your mom in every way you can think of (did you know some restaurants will do up a baked stuffed lobster to go?). Desserts should be a main food group right now.

Think of this time as a way to wrap up your mom's life here. A "going away" party. We never enjoy someone going away, but those parties help us remember to get the most out of the remaining time.

If you haven't read the material already, the "Crossing the Creek" site offers a few publications. He has 2 others, "Transitions" and "Dying to Know" which are more about the spiritual work of moving on to eternal life. Worth paying for, IMHO.

I hope you have a beautiful Christmas with your family, one which will supply terrific memories for years to come.

[Remembering Dave]

Hey, guys, more on the pink stuff. I think I failed to mention that my mother, who is now dying from colon cancer, is SIX YEAR BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR. and I still feel that way about the darn pink stuff. but the fact that it's a profit maker for the retailers and not the researchers is the thing that irks me the most, or irks me as equally as the pink frenzy in general. I also had a DEAR cousin, the only person in my life most like a sister to me, who died of breast cancer at age 38, leaving behind three small children. so I am not a stranger to breast cancer and because of my mom's history I fear I'll get it one day, too, colon cancer, too, although I did have a colonoscopy a few weeks ago that was squeaky clean (so to speak) thank you God. I HIGHLY recommend them for anyone over 40. Anyone. they are not diagnostic, they're PREVENTATIVE. as the colon surgeon explained to me, if they see a polyp a remove it, that PREVENTS that polyp from turning into cancer. how easy could that be? what other cancer besides skin cancer can you just cut out something before it turns to cancer? (which I am, by the way, a melanoma survivor myself)

ok, I babble again.

oh, I'm going to try to videotape my mom doing stuff, but she has asked us not to hover or be too sentimental, she doesn't want to act like she's dying, so I have to try to not make too big a deal out of her last interactions with all of us. we'll see, though, what I can do along those lines.

Karen

[berisa]

Karen, videotaping is a good idea, this is the most precious gift I had from my dad. You know what, one week before, there was a fire alarm in our building (home), I was sleeping at that moment and while I got a bit more awake, I then put all those tapes with passport & insurance policy plus dad's & mom's & us "old-day" pictures into my bag and left my home. It was the false alarm !! I do care about those tapes more than anything else, those are the moments we shared that I can see my dad whenever I can by watching those tapes.

My dear Karen, my thoughts are with you, Faith & your mom.