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Just One Of Those Days


missyk

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Things are going pretty well, life is as normal as it gets...and yet i find myself sitting in tears. Spring break starts tomorrow for our school district and Mom is having Sabrina stay with her Sunday night and maybe longer, depending on how she feels and all...and just the thought brought tears to my eyes once again.

I'm SO happy Mom is feeling up to it at 10 months since diagnosis...yet i can't help myself from thinking of all the times that Sabrina will miss if this dang disease takes her grandma.

I worry so about Mom...what she's going through is unimaginable to me. I told my husband tonight...the feeling for ME is that someone reached in and grabbed a handful of my innards, so i can't fathom what it must feel like to be Mom.

Then, there's that pesky thought that floats around in my mind (and God how it makes me feel guilty when it floats close to the surface!) that it seems like it's taking forever. There's that part of me that says "she's going to die" and it wonders how cruel it can be on making us wait in limbo, i guess. Yet, when i feel like that i immediately burst into tears feeling like i'm wishing her dead when in all actuality i hyperventilate when i even ponder her being gone.

I have GREAT things going on in my life that we're all sharing in, we're getting ready to build a brand new house, i have a new nephew, my sister's getting her master's degree, my daughter's....well, she's goofy still...and we've NEVER been happier than we are now sharing it with mom. Yet, there's that lingering feeling for me that it's so special because she's dying. :cry: I'm not sure how to get around this.

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One day at a time Missy. Just keep doing what you are doing. Spend as much time with your mom as you can as that is so priceless. She is so lucky to have you by her side.

You have many positive things happening in your life right now so sit back an enjoy that.

Make those wonderful memories to last a lifetime.

Hang in there, you are doing just fine.

Maryanne :wink:

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Maryanne and Frank Summed it up pretty good. We all will die not just Mom. enjoy every moment and know that it will happen but not for a LONG time. that is what Deb and I did. MAKE LOTS OF NEW MEMORIES. Will say aprayer as always.

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Aw Missy, those 'what ifs' can grab us every time. I have a difficult time with them myself. Just push them outta the way and enjoy every moment. Your dear Mama may be here enjoying those moments with you far longer than you can imagine! Lucky you with all that GOOD happening right now. Lucky you that Mom can enjoy with you!

Kasey

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Thank you all for your kind words, your understanding, and your advice. What would i do without you all to advise me through this?? I don't even want to imagine!

My step-father called today and brought me to tears with him saying the simple words, "I've accepted what's going to happen."

He's been the one, since her diagnosis, that's said "she's too much of a bit*h to die" *giggles* so for him to say that he's accepted that things aren't going to work out like we'd hoped just crushes me. Yet, tomorrow's another day and every day after that...and each is a blessing, as you've all reminded me, yet again. I really DO think we're starting on the downhill slide...but who knows how long that will take with this danged disease. I pray that she makes that year mark that the doctor's said at first she'd never see...it would be like stickin it to them just ONE more time! LOL

Thanks again, everyone...i've come to love you all and pray daily (and nightly!) for everyone...

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Missy,

I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR!!! Everyting seems so bittersweet. You are so lucky that mom can keep yur daughter. I think my boys are the reason my mom keeps fighting and if she could get out of her bed to play with them just one more time, it would be heaven on earth.

I hope that your mom and daughter have a fabulous time filled with sillines and laughter. I send you my love. XOXOXO

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Oh Missy

(((hug)))

Michele is right. Try not to miss out on the here and now, all the good stuff- by worrying about what might happen in the future.

One day, one MINUTE at a time if you have too. I remember how incredibly hard it was for me, so taking it a moment at a time was the only way I could move forward each day.

My prayers and hopes for your mom and your family,

K

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