missyk Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Things are going pretty well, life is as normal as it gets...and yet i find myself sitting in tears. Spring break starts tomorrow for our school district and Mom is having Sabrina stay with her Sunday night and maybe longer, depending on how she feels and all...and just the thought brought tears to my eyes once again. I'm SO happy Mom is feeling up to it at 10 months since diagnosis...yet i can't help myself from thinking of all the times that Sabrina will miss if this dang disease takes her grandma. I worry so about Mom...what she's going through is unimaginable to me. I told my husband tonight...the feeling for ME is that someone reached in and grabbed a handful of my innards, so i can't fathom what it must feel like to be Mom. Then, there's that pesky thought that floats around in my mind (and God how it makes me feel guilty when it floats close to the surface!) that it seems like it's taking forever. There's that part of me that says "she's going to die" and it wonders how cruel it can be on making us wait in limbo, i guess. Yet, when i feel like that i immediately burst into tears feeling like i'm wishing her dead when in all actuality i hyperventilate when i even ponder her being gone. I have GREAT things going on in my life that we're all sharing in, we're getting ready to build a brand new house, i have a new nephew, my sister's getting her master's degree, my daughter's....well, she's goofy still...and we've NEVER been happier than we are now sharing it with mom. Yet, there's that lingering feeling for me that it's so special because she's dying. I'm not sure how to get around this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 One day at a time Missy. Just keep doing what you are doing. Spend as much time with your mom as you can as that is so priceless. She is so lucky to have you by her side. You have many positive things happening in your life right now so sit back an enjoy that. Make those wonderful memories to last a lifetime. Hang in there, you are doing just fine. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Missy,lung cancer brings about what a lot of us call a new normal.Enjoy all your time together to the fullest,be prepared best you can for the worst,and fight for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Maryanne and Frank Summed it up pretty good. We all will die not just Mom. enjoy every moment and know that it will happen but not for a LONG time. that is what Deb and I did. MAKE LOTS OF NEW MEMORIES. Will say aprayer as always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Please don't worry about tomorrows....live todays and you will be even happier. jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Missy, I hate having those days too You have to stay positive. Right now my dad is doing good and that is what I focus on. Like others have said, take one day at a time. love, jorja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 It is worth it because your mom gets to share the every day things and the special things with all of you each day she gets. That is what gets me through the day with Lucie. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 Aw Missy, those 'what ifs' can grab us every time. I have a difficult time with them myself. Just push them outta the way and enjoy every moment. Your dear Mama may be here enjoying those moments with you far longer than you can imagine! Lucky you with all that GOOD happening right now. Lucky you that Mom can enjoy with you! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missyk Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 Thank you all for your kind words, your understanding, and your advice. What would i do without you all to advise me through this?? I don't even want to imagine! My step-father called today and brought me to tears with him saying the simple words, "I've accepted what's going to happen." He's been the one, since her diagnosis, that's said "she's too much of a bit*h to die" *giggles* so for him to say that he's accepted that things aren't going to work out like we'd hoped just crushes me. Yet, tomorrow's another day and every day after that...and each is a blessing, as you've all reminded me, yet again. I really DO think we're starting on the downhill slide...but who knows how long that will take with this danged disease. I pray that she makes that year mark that the doctor's said at first she'd never see...it would be like stickin it to them just ONE more time! LOL Thanks again, everyone...i've come to love you all and pray daily (and nightly!) for everyone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Missy, I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR!!! Everyting seems so bittersweet. You are so lucky that mom can keep yur daughter. I think my boys are the reason my mom keeps fighting and if she could get out of her bed to play with them just one more time, it would be heaven on earth. I hope that your mom and daughter have a fabulous time filled with sillines and laughter. I send you my love. XOXOXO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Missy, I know exactly what your feeling, but try not to miss out on the good worring about the furture. My thoughts are with you and your Family. Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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