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Just One Of Those Nights...

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Where everything seems to be settling in and the "normal" just ticks me off!!

I'm not mad at Mom...I'm not mad at anything in particular, actually. I guess if I had to say I was mad AT something, it would be lung cancer in general. But it's not even that.

I'm so tired of life being up in the air. I'm tired of wondering if what *I* have planned for this week, or next, or the next will be tossed out the window because of something or another that happens. I have NO problem taking time to do what needs done, believe me! It just seems so unfair that we're all in such limbo...just wait and see. I love that Mom and I get time, now that school's done for the year, to spend together and that I'm going to take a couple days to take her to treatment so my step-dad can get some stuff done. That makes me happy, actually. I feel like I'm back to doing SOMETHING, at least. But it's when I look at the "future" and wonder what's going to happen out there that I get so stinking frustrated.

Just one of those nights, like I said. I'm sorry to be such a downer. Thoughts sometimes find their way in and rattle around 'till I let them out and I don't know a better place than this to do it. xoxo

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Thats what we are here for to listen and help or just listen. IF it makes you feel better just do it.Don't have to apologize.

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I know what you mean, I can't remember the last time I was able to make advanced plans, and after a while people just stopped asking. The unknown and uncontrollable are frightening and frustrating all at the same time. It Sucks, and is so unfair.

Go ahead and vent. You are right, and we all understand.

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Carleen (and all of you who responded!) thank you so much! I feel so selfish sometimes, worrying about ME and what *I* might have planned or be wanting to plan!! But, Carleen, I compeletely understand about "friends" not even asking after a while about planning things! I feel so isolated sometimes, simply because I CAN'T plan for next week, even! Who knows what's going to happen? Yet, if I think THAT too much I start to think that NONE of us knows what next week will bring. *sighs* It just gets so overwhelming, sometimes. Thanks again, guys. I really DID expect to pick up some grief for being "selfish" about it all...you prove, once again, how you ALL understand that sometimes we all get in a mood. :)


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I totally understand: I think we all do. How many times I've had my own appointments scheduled and had to change them around 3+ times because of something unexpected happening -- friends giving up, yup....and then there's the friends that figure they are on a mission to "save" you because they don't understand what it takes and why you can't advance plan time with them -- they figure they are gonna' give you planned "me time" on their terms like some sort of intervention. Frustrating.


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Hi Missy..

I got the most fun pm from sues the other day. She is a livewire, as I am sure you already know!

It is a mess not knowing what the days ahead will come. I read something somewhere about today's troubles being sufficient for today. Don't know the quote exactly.

Tentatively plan things with an out. That's about it. And swim all summer long.. you and everyone else!


Cindi o'h

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I know exactly how you feel... I remember having plans for somthing fun and having to drop everything to go be with mom, i would get mad and frusterated. Even this summer, our whole family vacation was to rent a houseboat the last week of July. We had it planned, paid for and even started shopping for things... was goign to be mom, step dad, my hubby and kids and my brother and his family. Of course it is all cancelled now and really even though we can plan things for sure now, I don't much feel like it.

I hate to sound selfish though and say I wish I could go back in time when I could go and sit and be with her and help my step dad out. I long for the days of driving her here and there.

I know this is better for all of us, and someday it will be better for you too. It is a tough road and I will keep you in my prayers.


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I just spoke with Missy about this very topic. You caregivers are to be held in highest esteem. You drop your lives to make us ( the patient ) comfortable. You disrupt your family life for us. That's not fair. We know we need help - don't like to admit it. Our loved ones are the ones that are always there to help. We know without you angels, we couldn't keep up the fight .

Missy and my son Mike are the first 2 to come running to help me -not that my other daughter wouldn't. She would too. But my family has always been the glue that holds me together. Missy told me it was Me that held them all together. I told her that's because I was sticky !!

I feel for Missy -they're trying to put together a new home - trying to help me.

Trying to keep things together. Actually, she's at her best when she's busy -just not this kind of busy.

Cindy - she did get to get in the pool on Saturday !!!

That's the first thing she asked me today -if I got in today - still a little too tired to take the plunge alone.

I finished my 20 rounds of WBR on Friday -now, Mon , Tues and Wed I have pinpoint rad each day - then the wait begins. I wish we could get the answers right away....I just want to know if I have a reason to be bald again.

Love to all of you .

Thanks for listening to me babble this time.


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