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not doing so well


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I find myself wanting to be alone more and more. My doctor has increased my Paxil to 50mg and has also given me Valium 10mg three times a day. I'm still so anxious and find it hard to even cook for my kids. I love my kids so much and I feel like I am failing them because I need time alone. I have a checkup with my doctor Thursday to see how I'm doing. I don't know what to do with myself

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Karen, you are grieving deeply. Though your level of functioning may seem alarmingly abnormal to you right now, I feel that it's appropriate to the situation. I had similar issues after the death of my Mom a couple of years ago. I'm glad that you have medical support.

This is very, very hard, but not abnormal. Your grief is using up most of your inner resources right now, and you don't have enough remaining resources to deal with you day to day life. Remember also that the Paxil and Valium can cause significant fatigue, expecially in the first several weeks and after dose increases. Though time doesn't really "heal", human beings are made to recover, and they do. I'm so sorry that you are having such pain. Keep up the medical help, and take the time to mourn as needed. Things will slowly right themselves.


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I am normally a very outgoing, party on extrovert. That is my nature. Since Lucie's death, there are many times, I just want to be by myself. I think it is much a part of the grieving process. Several in my grief support group have expressed the same. I think we do need time for ourselves.

I did not realize how alone I was feeling until my son came home for Christmas and spent several days here in the house. It was so good to get to talk with someone on an ongoing basis. So, sometimes we need friends and family, and other times we need to be by ourselves. It's normal, and we should do what we need to do for ourselves when we need it. Blessings. Don

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I think meds are good, particularly if you are REALLY having a tough time. But also know, this is normal.

I'm snippy, less of a fun outgoing person than I used to be.

It will pass.

We'll always miss our loved ones. I often feel like a donut...big hole in the middle. But we shouldn't throw the donut out because it has a hole in the middle. I am also not suggesting we eat our selves...that's the bad thing about the donut analogy...the hole makes sense, but it's hard getting the rest of the way there.

Either way, don't be hard on your self. You are seeking help and will keep moving forward.

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It's a normal part of the grieving process and I've found it to be very healing to the heart/mind/soul to just be alone and quiet for periods of time, sometimes for days. I think Don summed it up best when he said that we just need both in our lives: time with family and friends and time to ourselves. How much of what is individual.

You're not failing anyone to need time to yourself. Understand that the medications you are on can make your feelings of depression & anxiety seem heightened too (both note that in the side effect literature and there may be interactions between the two drugs as well). Again, it's individual on how these work on folks.

Have a good heart to heart conversation with your doctor to be sure that you really need that level of medication for your situation -- finding yourself not able to function or not wanting to function in simple everyday tasks for yourself to the point that it concerns you is reason enough to clearly cover this with the doctor.

Keep us posted.


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Karen, I felt the same when my mom died. it was so hard to take care of my kids, my husband, to do the everyday routine. It's really hard to snap out of it. But you need for your kids. It's almost like nothing matters anymore, you don't trust life anymore. But life needs to go on.

TaKe care of yourself.


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