mrmust Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 It has been 6 months since Joe passed and I have been struggling with ups and downs, which, I think is normal. I hate being in this "limbo". Which brings me to this topic. I finally got out with some friends and met a very nice guy. We had everything to talk about (his mother died of cancer a year ago) and he understood my situation. I agreed to go to a movie with him the next weekend (last weekend). I threw up before he picked me up. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I really feel like I am "cheating" on Joe. I know it was only a movie and phone calls but I really am physically sick. He wants to do something Sat. but I feel like bailing out of it. Am I just a freak??? Or is this the sign that means "too soon"? I do not ever and will not ever replace Joe but I can't continue to cry all the time. It hurts too much. Please....I hope someone has some similar situation or some advice for me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Jill, I am 13 months out from losing Deb. that does not really matter though. It is my experience that you can not continue to live in the past relationship wise. At some point that first and next step has to be taken and it is better to go forward than backwards. If this is someone you really care for, go for it. the oppurtunity presents itelf so gerab the oppurtunity. Go on the Dates and see how things workk out. Let this person know the situation and be honest with them. Some days may feel right and some days you do not want the phone to even ring. BE HONEST ABOUT THE PASTin order to protect the future. You are not a freak or a cheater or anything bad. You are geting on in life. If it works out great. If it does not you have lost not much. You are doing what feels right. I belong to an online site that allows me quick access back into my cave if I want to. Some days I want to move on, others i don't. It is all about how you feel and don't feel wrong for wanting to take the next step.. If this works you are a step ahead, if not you are a half step back, which is better than a full step back. Good Luck and Have fun, do not feel badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kim Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I have to agree with Randy. My dad started dating relatively quickly after my mom passed. Some people thought it was to early, but I said go for it. Life is to short and what matters most is your happiness. If it makes you happy and you enjoy the company, go for it. You have to do what is right for you, not what is right for everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I'm just a 'kid' in all this, but after watching how my Dad is handling things, I have to say that only *you* know if it's time. And it's ok either way. You *aren't* cheating on your dear husband.... you're living life as he, I'm sure, would want you to. And good for you for being open to that. And at the same time, if it doesn't feel right, that's ok too. I think it's very ok to be honest about that with this guy too--and even, perhaps, open the door to a friendship until you're ready for more. If that's something you'd feel 'ok' with. The one caveat I will add is this: I don't know if you have kids, but if you do,expect them to have feelings about this. That does NOT mean you should hesitate to pursue a relationship, but.... just know that this is going to be difficult for them to swallow at first. It's something my Dad has yet to acknowledge with me, and THAT has been hard. I am so happy for him (he's getting married in March), but it is still hard for *Me.* However, from day one I have tried to support HIM all the way in his new relationship. I want him to be happy, and if this new woman (who is wonderful by the way) makes him happy, then that is what is important. That may be more than you bargained for.... I hope I didn't cross a line being that I'm not a bereaved spouse, but it's a subject I've become very familiar with from this side of things. And regardless--you're not a freak. All this new relationshipy stuff is scary and hard no matter what. I freaked out when my husband and I started being 'more than friends.' So I think it's hard in the best of circumstances. Even more so when dealing with the loss of a much loved husband. Take your time and do things at your own pace. (((((hugs))))) for you as you work through this. And I wish you so much happiness no matter what you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Your just dating, there is nothing wrong in going to a movie, dinner etc. I think that will help your healing. But if you are not comfortable that is a different story. I could understand that you do not want to be alone. No one does or no one should. You seem to have someone who could fill some of that void. Its all in your hands. You definetely not a freak. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmust Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Thank you all for your replies...... I did cancel out on getting together this past weekend. I was having a moment and actually shut out EVERYBODY! I was honest and told him that I have days like this and I know I will continue to have them. He was understanding. I just have to not THINK so much about it and go with the flow.......as everyone has been telling me. It's just good to hear it from others! Thanks again for listening and advising! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Jill, We aren't meant to be alone once any person in our lives who we love leaves us. I'm not in your situation. But I don't like solitude. I don't think Lung Cancer should sentence you to a life of being alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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