I just need someone to talk to

[daddyslittlegirl]

I just left my dad. Overall he looked pretty good. He began his radiation treatments on Tuesday. So far they haven't been too hard on him. He still has a bad cough and he is very weak. Sometimes it's hard for him to even get up. He has taken a few falls. We think some of this is caused by low blood preasure. It's killing me to watch him go through this and think about what it could be like in the future. I keep praying and praying for a miracle. I've looked in to some herbs and vitamins (Ernie thanks for the help) and his radiaologist says he could be a candidate for cyberknie. I've been calling the hospital in the area that does it for the past week and no one is calling me back! My family is worried that I'm surviving on what could be false hope, but it's the only thing that is keeping me going. I read some of your stories about how it is as the disease progresses and I just get so scared to think that c0uld happen to my dad. Every week my whole family is getting together at my parents house and the past 2 weeks he's made the comment that he doesn't want to get to the point where he needs someone to take care of him. He's also said that he has lived through things that most men would have died from. My dad has always been the back bone of our family and he feels it's his job to always take care of us. Therefore, he tries to stay strong and not show any concern. I don't even know what is going on in his mind. I think sometimes I may be living in denial still. I just want this thing to go away!! I feel so bad because back in October they told my dad he had to have a defibulator (I hope I spelled that right) put in. He didn't want to and we all begged him. Maybe he felt without it he could go one day quickly and with his pride and dignity. He has so much pride and dignity and that means so much to him. Now, look he's suffering from this. As long as I can remember every time he would go to the doctors there would be something else wrong and each time I think okay we'll get passed it and he'll be all better. I know he's got to go one day, but I just pray and pray that it's not from this. I'm sure most of this isn't making any sense because I'm really upset right now, but thanks for listening anyway. God Bless!

p.s. please see post below for history.

[wendyr]

Hi there: so sorry you are going through this. Cancer is a hateful disease that I wish they could find a cure for. You don't give us any info on your Dad, age, stage of disease, treatment plan etc. Yes there are miracles & there are survivors and one should always keep hoping (definition of HOPE - Hanging On Praying Expectantly) If the radiologist thinks he's a candidate for cyberknife perhaps you could ask him to do the referral so that your Dad could get in sooner. Just a suggestion, as I have no experience with cyberknife. Anyway I understand your pain & your frustration and you know that the folks on this board will listen to you anytime. Good Luck & God Bless

wendy

[Welthy]

Sorry you are feeling so down today -- glad you thought to post. It always helps to know there are others out there at anytime to hear your fears and worries. We're all doing the same thing. Some days are better then others and we all need to be here for each other for big hugs and prayers. My husband is also the strong silent type who took care of everyone. I'm sure it's been a blow for him to have to give up that care with all the treatments and fighting he has had to do these past 2 years. Your Dad will come around -- don't worry. You will see him have bad times from treatment and then really great times. Take a deep breath and try to relax. It might help others if you put info about your Dad in the signature area under "My profile" at the top of the page. (It will also give you something to occupy your mind. )

Hoping for the best possible results from your Dad's treatment.

Welthy

[daddyslittlegirl]

thank you for your support. I'm new to this forum and still trying to learn the ins and outs. Hopefully I did it correctly.

[Welthy]

See -- did keep you occupied!

You did a fine job -- thanks.

Feel better,

Welthy

[Kasey]

Have you gotten a second opinion? It is not clear in the profile why no chemo was recommended. You are in Md.....I would perhaps recommend contacting NIH ~ National Institutes of Health. If you send your scans and reports they may be able to help you .....or at least offer an opinion. Just a thought.

Kasey

[daddyslittlegirl]

They told him he wasn't strong enough (because of other health factors) to take chemo. My dad HATES going to the doctors. I guess because each times he goes they find something else wrong. That and the fact that he doesn't like to depend on ANYONE to help him. I really want him to go for a second opinion or even go toa comprehensive cancer center, but I'm sure he won't. Do you think they would give a second opinion without seeing him? That probably sounds ignorant, but I'm desperate.

Thank you for your help!

[Ry]

No- it isn't ignorant. You can get a second opinion by sending copies of his records and scans. There are so many new chemo drugs that are milder- I would ask again. My MIL is doing well with only radiation so maybe your dad will too. Keep us posted.

[candys]

I know exactly how you are feeling. It's been a tough time for me dealing with my dad. If you can, I would try and get your dad to get a second opinion about chemo. Can you go with him to his appointments? I think it helps the docs to meet a family member that is a good support....that way it makes it easier for you to follow up with them when your dad can't.

I hope you are feeling better today! I'm starting to realize that it is one day at a time.

[daddyslittlegirl]

Actually my older sister and mother go to my dad's appointments with him. I would just cry the whole time and that wouldn't do anyone any good. I do think I'm going to try to get his charts sent somewhere else for a second opinion though. I do agree that as strong of a person that my dad is (even at his weakest moments) that he should be able to take some of the more milder chemos. Can anyone give me some names of the ones that are more milder?

I just got back from taking my kids to the park and all I could do was think about my dad and how much he always loved taking his grandkids to the park. My 4 year old and 22 month old are the youngest of his 12 grandkids. He LOVES them to pieces. I just don't want him to miss these "fun years". He enjoys these stages the most. I just keep hoping and praying that he get stronger and will be able to do some things with us this spring and summer. So much of my happiness revolves around him. Spending time with my family is what I enjoy doing the most and he is the center of our family. Now when we're together we all know what he is going through (even though he tries not to show it) and it's hard to be happy. He's not even really doing too bad right now, but it's the fear of what could happen. I know I need to stay positive, because there is hope. Someone wrote (I'm sorry I don't recall who) that they weren't going to let worrying about tomorrow ruin today. I do try to think about it and it helps. I try to hold myself together for my kids sake. I want to give them all the happiness my dad has always given me. I'm sorry that I keep going on and on. I guess I'm not having a better day. Thank you for listening.

[Shelley (MLC)]

Hi, sorry to hear about your dad. We're pretty new here also. My mom was diagnosed in January with stage IV NSCLC. (squamous) Surgery and Radiation were not options for her, so they put her on Carboplatin/Gemzar. She will receive 4-6 cycles of this (each cycle is 3 weeks and she receives both drugs the first Monday, Gemzar only the 2nd Monday and has the 3rd Monday off. She was pretty tired a few days after the 1st week, but has done very well for the last 2. She's out of the house, having lunch with friends, and even squeezing in a little fun with the slot machines. I have heard that this is one of the best tolerated chemos. Certainly worth asking the Dr. about...Good luck with your dad. Shelley

[RandyW]

Click on the following links below for some information;

More or Less Chemotherapy??

http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/re ... atment0301

Types Of Drugs available FDA Site;

http://www.fda.gov/cder/cancer/druglistframe.htm

The second link is very comprehensive. The major drugs are

1) Navelbine

2) Gemzar

3) Cisplatin

4) Carboplatin

5) Tarceva

6) Etoposide

7) Alimta

Avastin

9) Taxol

10) Paclitaxel

11) Taxotere

these are the major and most common ones I can think of. If you click on the link you can see what gets used for what . ITS A LONG LIST OVERALL!! Sending Prayers and wishes. Let me know if I can be of any assistance doing research for anything.

[ztweb]

Please know you have my thoughts and my prayers. Our dads are just so special...it is just so hard.

Blessings,

Jen

[daddyslittlegirl]

Thank you all for theh responses and the info. I'm going to look in to some of this to see if there just isn't something else they can do. If anyone else wants to suggest any other mild ones I should ask about I would greatly appreciate it. Take care and God Bless.

[TamHol]

I think your going threw the same panic I did ... still do from time to time. I don't have any advice for you other than to trust your Dad. He knows what he can and is willing to do ... My husband who has no health problems will say occationally "you know, if I were to go today I'd be okay with it. I've done what I set out to do and a few more ... I'd at least feel like I've achieved what I wanted."

Maybe there is an ounce of that "insight" in your Dad's mind and actions. Maybe it's not denial but just voicing his contentment of his life ... which by my standards is a wonderful thing to be able to say.

It's a hard thing to do ... understand, have faith in the person, and have faith in the bodies response to that persons request. Mystical and unknown .... but it's something!!!! Good luck to you!

Tammy

[janehill]

Even if your dad can't do IV chemo, his doctor might want to consider a targeted therapy like Tarceva.

[daddyslittlegirl]

Please excuse my ignorance, when you say targeted treatment (as opposed to drip) like Tarceva, you are referring to a pill, right? Is Tarceva pretty mild? Again, I'm going to make note to ask about all this at his next appointment on the 30th.

Tammy,

Thank you for your words. I think I've said before that our stories are very similar. My dad has made the comment that he would be fine if he just closed his eyes one night and that was it. I really think he feels that way so he doesn't suffer. It's so hard to hear things like that. I have a better solution to that though and that's to fight this thing. I know in the end I do have to trust him and respect his wishes. So all I can really do is pray. Thank you all.