lullabelle21302 Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 I actually just needed to let some emotions out. First mom hasnt been feeling the best. she has been dizzy and just feeling kinda yucky. She went to her doc monday(this one treats her for diabetes, high blood pressure, etc) Anyways, on her last chemo treatment her blood pressure was low so they told her not to take her medicine for that, so she didnt. When she went to the doc, she took her off of one of her blood pressure medicines, and said that she wasnt to concerned about the cancer spreading cause mom just had some scans run. she wanted additional blood tests run. So we went to the hospital cause mom had to have regular blood work done and she was told she had to have lukeine shots, wbc to low. so that put mom in a even worse mood. Well, we had a arguement yesterday which I felt really terrible about, I was grouchy and so was she and she told me she had a reason to be grouchy. well this morning she was sitting out on the porch and I went out to apologize and I told her that I donot know what she is going through and I started to say that I too am tired and that I in a sense am going through this with her, but she started crying and said she was so tired, so I thought well now is not the right time to express how I feel. I told her to let it out to cry, scream whatever she needed to do just dont let it bottle up inside. I told her she was strong and she can beat this and she said she doesnt feel like she can today. The thing is I have NO idea what she is going through but I do know what I have been through since sept. 2006. And I guess I feel guilty for worrying about how I feel and not really looking and paying attention to how she was really feeling. I guess sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to be feeling this way when she is the one who is fighting cancer because I am not the one fighting I am the daughter that takes care of her, that loves her. I guess I overlook her feelings cause she does live with me and I guess I just dont think much about, which makes me feel even more guilty. I am sorry for babbling but I honestly feel like screaming, crying, kicking, whatever to make this all go away. My brother and sister-in-law live about 30 mins. away and they help but I am the one that is with her day in day out. It is just so frustrating. I just dont know what to do, dont know how to make her feel better, I am just lost. Thanks for listening(reading) Not sure this has even made much sense. As always I am praying for each of you and your family Rhonda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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