Jump to content

Im desparate for a good answer.....


Recommended Posts

My very dear friend had his lung cancer spotted by accident last October and has since had part of his lung removed. He just recently underwent his first 6 month retest and came up CLEAR! He was very, very relieved by the results and happy. However, now in dealing with other people he feels a great sense of guilt about surviving while others around him havent. When he states that he doesnt understand why he is still here and other people he knows arent, what can I say to him to help him get past this???? I want to help him get past this guilt so he can move on, but I am at a total loss. I would appreciate everyones input -- I am desparate. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Maria,

I wonder where in PA you are??? I am in Lancaster County and I suffer from the same feelings as your friend. I don't know what you can tell him to answer his question. All I can say is that there is no rhyme or reason sometimes as to why some survive and thrive while others do not. I suffer survivor guilt almost on a daily basis. BUT I also try to live my life to the fullest because I am HERE to do it. It serves no purpose to beat ourselves up over it. So we are here and others are not.....I'll take it, ya know?

Maybe your friemd may want to come here and let us know just how he's feeling. Many of us will be here to support him and maybe give him a more positive outlook.

Thanks for being such a good friend to him. Wish some of mine were doing for me what you are for him.

Kasey

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I could be cured, I would take my chances with the guilt. Anyway, I have only one lung now and so that will go a long ways to wiping out any guilt. I hope your friend can just drop it and be grateful.

Speaking of being grateful, there is a writer, David Steindel-Rast who wrote a book called "Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer" I recommend it to your friend or anyone else. I am grateful that after almost 4 years I am still alive and have a reasonably good quality of life. I am grateful that some of us are cured. I read the book about 15 years ago. Maybe I should read it again.

http://www.gratefulness.org/books/dsr.htm#gratefulness

Don M

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kasey and Don -- Thanks for the input. I wish I could hook him up with the forum, but he has no internet access.....So all I can do is help to forward some of the info I might recieve here. I will pass on what you said. I have told him....life is for the living and you cannot always expect an answer as to why, but you must LIVE because you ARE. Don I think he will espcially like your comment "drop it and be grateful" Its kind of like I get with him sometimes. You just need to accept that you ARE and make nice ;) I think I will look into purchaseing the book you mentioned for him also. I know he will read it and hopefully come away with some positive attitudes from it. Again Thank you both. and Kasey, we are from Lycoming County-- the Williamsport area. A beautiful place to LIVE!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I live in NJ and I know someone who was actually in the towers on 9/11. He was downstairs at the coffee shop instead of on the upper floors (where he was supposed to be). He was in the first tower hit and literally heard the elevators smash down onto the ground floor (when the jet slammed into the building, it cut the cables from some of the elevators) and the doors opened where he saw a bloody mess of limbs, as he described it. Suffice to say, he saw so much death that day.

Frank didn't return to the city for over a year and went through a very hard time with lots of therapy. Making matters worse, his good friend who he golfed with worked several floors above Cantor Fitzgerald and though he lived through the impact crash, he never made it out of the building. My friend Frank said it would be a waste for him to live in sadness because Ronnie would have wanted to live for the happiness in life. And that if that was going to be the case, Ronnie should have lived instead, because he would have deserved it more.

I can honestly tell you his perspective changed my own about feeling guilt over an absolute blessing. I realized that maybe we are in debt when we survive - that the payment is to make yours a joyous and purposeful life in thanks.

Best wishes for your friend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maria,

I would pass this along.

I miss my mother more than anything. BUT, I am SO happy to hear there is someone who is surviving this disease.

All I want today and all my mom wanted was there to be more and more people like your friend who catch the disease in an early stage and are in turn cured.

Tell you friend don't feel bad. We all would want no one to get this disease...but if they do we all want them to be cured.

With a second chance at life, spending that time being guilty isn't what anyone wants...spending it living...now you are talking!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jane and Nick!! Thank you!! Those are powerful thoughts and will certainly make Robbie THINK!!!! Sometimes, because I am on the outside so to speak of this, I am at a total loss. I often hear "you dont know what it feels like unless you have been there yourself" It can be very frustrating sometimes as I am sure you all agree!! Again thank you. I will pass this on to him. Does it ever get easier for those of us on

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.