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one more time is needed I think


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I spend little time here compared to what I once did. The reasons are many and varied. I will say that I find retirement quite enjoyable but also busier than I would like at times.

A year or more ago I posted a subject that had many responses. Sense that time many new people have joined us here. Not just on the board but in this area where we are free to share our grief and not be afraid of being misunderstood or judged by those who don't have a clue.

One thing that helped me through my grief when Johnny died where the amazing signs I had from him right from the first day. Those signs let me know that he was still around that he hadn't ceased to exist.

I see so many people here looking for signs or hoping for signs or thinking that maybe they have had a sign but are afraid everyone will think they have really lost it. So I come here again and say let us have your stories. Tell us about your signs. If you have had one that is good. If there have been more even better. Share your signs to help you and all of the others who are still waiting for theirs or may not have recognized one. It will help believe me.

I won't repeat my signs except to say that though not as numerous I do still get some. Just a couple of weeks ago I had something strange happen and I know that Johnny was once more letting me know he sees and one also to let me know that my ex Denis sees as well.

I have a digital camera. I had taken some pictures of Misty and some of my neighbors. Sense I have the printing dock I decided to print them and pass them around. My camera sits on the dock and the pictures print. It is not connected to the computer.

I found the picture I wanted and pushed the print button. When I looked at the camera screen I got a real shock. Instead of the picture of Misty there was an old picture of Johnny when he was about 10 years old with his mom and siblings. That picture had never been in my camera. It was sent to me 4 years ago by Johnny's uncle.

It really upset me because Johnny and all of his siblings have died except one brother. I was certain that something had happened to his brother. I had not heard from his niece in a while. I wrote to her to check on her dad and told her what had happened. She called me. She told me that she had the copy of that picture I had sent her blown up and she had just hung in on the wall outside her dad's room so every time she passed she sees it.

A day or so later I was looking at pictures of my new great grandson and wishing that Denis could see him. Well when I tried to print another picture one of the baby came up on my camera screen. That picture is posted on my space by my grand daughter. Again it has never been in my camera :!:

So come on lets have your stories. It may be small or large things but everyone of those things are a message saying "Don't worry I'm still around."

Johnny never wanted tp talk about dying. I'm sure it was on his mind but that is the only thing he would never talk to me about. He was just so determined to fight and live. That last night in the hospital he asked me to take him home. I knew that he couldn't leave and I had no idea how to get home from there. I told him I would take him home in the morning hoping he would forget. He answered me "Alright I'll go home in the morning at 4 o'clock". When I finally got someone to check him they decided to bath him. That was when he was unresponsive. It was 4am the morning of December 2,2002.

We can't understand everything and we are probably not meant to. Still we can take some of those things and use them to see us through the hardest journey we will ever take in our lives. So I want stories :!:

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I still see my "Honey Bunny", and it is always a better day when the Honey bunny is out in the front yard as compared to some where else in the neighborhood.

Even when I forget to put out fresh Hummingbird nectar, they still come around to remind me of things I have to do in Memory of Deb. :( but in a :) way this morning....

I get and see my signs occasionally. Nice to "See ya, again!!!!" :wink::)

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Last night I was very sad thinking about the one-year mark of losing my mom. I'd been outside most of the day and it was sunny and hot, and I'd come in to make dinner. I decided to go get the trashcan from the curb, just to get out of the house before I became tearful again, and I walked out the door and noticed it had suddenly clouded up, but no trace of rain. Right in the middle of the clouds was a beautiful full rainbow. It stretched from one end of the sky to the other. I haven't seen a rainbow here in the nine years we've lived in this neighborhood. I called the kids out and my little daughter said "Look what Nana made us! Thank you Nana, it's bee-yoo-tiful!"

I smiled for the first time that day...

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Your stories are so touching. Don't those things make you feel better and above all still connected?

When I was back in Louisiana for Christmas my daughter in law told me something that I'm not sure she has told anyone one else, not even my son.

We were talking about Denis not being there for the first great grandchild's birth and one thing led to another. She told me that she dreams about Denis everytime they are going to do something special as a family, something he would have joined in like camping or a crawfish boil. She tole me the first time she dreamed about him she had told him to go comb his hair because it was all flat and sticking up from laying in the casket for so long. She said it just wasn't a regular dream. As she discribed it to me it reminded me of the times Johnny has come to visit me. That is just too real and I remember every detail even after 4 and 1/2 years.

I think they will do anything they can to help us. Sometimes that means showing themselves to us. Other times it means very subtle signs that we have to be open enough to recognize.

I'm so glad that both of you have had something so positive to hold on to. I'm praying it continues for both of you as well as myself and all of those who need those signs so desperately.

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I was reading here about one of our friends who had streetlights go out overhead when she passed under them, like a sign. That day, I went to pick up my daugter and niece at volleyball practice. On the drive home, I was thinking about signs. There had been a truck parked on a busy corner here for weeks. It annoyed my daughter and I because it had been cut so low that one really wouldn't be able to drive it over railraod tracks, bumps, etc.

As I was stopped at the intersection, looking at the annoying truck, its lights flashed. I thought nothing of it, thinking someone was just uunlocking it. It flashed again twice more as we sat and watched it. No one was anywhere near it, and then it stopped.

The girls thought it was really odd. I told my daughter a week later what I had been thinking of when we saqw it flash, and she thought it was cool. The truck STILL sits at that intersection, and it has never blinked since.

:) Kelly

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I haven't post much lately, but have been drawn back here alot lately as I find myself missing Bill more so than a few months ago. Many reasons for this, one of them is that I have our home up for sale and a contract pending. I'm torn about whether this is the right thing for me to do or not. I know it is, but feel a tremendous amount of guilt over it. The buyer's home inspection was scheduled last week and the night before the inspection the garbage disposal quit working. I've been saying to myself all along that if this change is meant to be, it will happen, but then secretly talking to Bill and telling him if he wants me to stay put, he needs to intervene, or send me a sign. So, the night before the inspection I'm laying in bed thinking about the broken garbage disposal (which I realize is not a big deal) and decided that this was Bill's way of keeping me in the house and so I said out loud to him..."I hear you, I'll stay here a little longer if that's what you want" when out of nowhere, I heard the disposal begin grinding in the kitchen. We had left the switch in the "on" position, thinking that the motor had burned up, but apparently it had just overheated and needed to cool down. At any rate, the timing was perfect and gave me the needed push to move on. I felt like it was REALLY Bill's way of telling me to quit looking for signs!

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Moving seems to be a big one for everyone. It seems to me that you got your answer from Bill loud and clear :!:

I stayed in Washington for 4 months after Johnny died. I knew that sooner or later I would have to move closer to family but I was in no condition to make that decision sooner.

I was just so shattered how could I possibly leave behind the place where Johnny and I had shared so much? I finally made the decision but still questioned myself all of the time. Like you I felt so guilty as if once more I was running from the love and life we shared.

I had been getting signs from him almost on a daily basis after his death. Once I made the decision to move and started making plans the signs all but stopped. I was devistated. I started talking to Johnny asking him for a sign. I asked for one of 3 things to happen but they never did (only later did they start and continue to this day) . My nephew was coming up to drive the moving truck with my things in it. I decided that my car needed an oil change and a wash so I took it to be done.

When I got home I noticed that a bottle had rolled out from under my front seat. It was a Starbucks bottle from the last frapachino that Johnny drank on one of our rides. Some how it had stayed there all of those months. I decided to check and see if there was anything else there. I saw a small scrap of paper and pulled it out. That paper was something that no one else would have taken a second glance at but to me it was my answer. I knew that Johnny approved of my moving and would still be around me after I did move.

The paper was a receipt for a newspaper I had bought for Johnny. The date was on the paper. He had wanted it so he could read about all of the horses in the Breeders Cup, the last race we had watched together. Nothing could have said Johnny more than that little piece of paper did. He didn't give me the sign I asked for. Instead he found one to send that could never be considered a coinsidence.

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I've had 2 signs since the passing of my husband. The first was the day of his funeral at the cemetary. The funeral home had placed the floral arrangment (the one with ribbons that say husband, dad, son etc.) on top of the casket before putting it in the back of the hearst for the drive to the cemetary. When his casket was being taken from the back of the hearst one ribbon flew off the arrangement in my direction. It was the ribbon with husband on it. The wind was blowing a little that day but in the opposite direction of where I stood. I was so distraught that day and that ribbon brought me some peace. I took it as a sign letting me know that he was with me and always would be. A lot of people came up to me afterward and said it gave them goose bumps and thought it was so awesome.

The other sign was a little over a week ago. It has been 4 months since his passing. There are some days that I just can barely make through. The week I am talking about was extremely difficult for some reason. (Over the last 4 months I get like that from time to time). Anyway I was hanging bedsheets on the clothesline and I just couldn't keep the tears from flowing. I reached into my basket for a handful of clothespins and dropped one. Reaching to the ground through my tears to pick it up I saw something on it. It had my husbands name John carved in it. I have been using those wooden clothespins all summer and have no clue how his name was engraved in one or how it got into my basket. I felt the stangest warm feeling come over me and my tears stopped. I believe it was another way he found to let me know not to forget that he is still with me. (The ribbon is hanging on an angel and the clothespin is pinned on my bakers rack as reminders for me). Just wanted to share and tell everyone I believe in signs.

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About a week after my dad passed the doorbell started ringing on its own. My mom said after living in the house for 35 years they have never had that problem. We wrote it off as a shortage. One day it was so loud, almost like someone was just leaning on it. My mom beat the ringer to get it to stop, but it would still ring sometimes on its own. Then the doorbell stopped working all together for a couple of weeks. Two days ago my mom said that the doorbell rung again. I don't know what to make of it. I hope it is my dad.


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