needhope

Hi Everyone, Though I haven't posted in quite some time, I do read updates on many of the members here and just want to reiterate that this site was a Godsend to me while my dad was fighting his battle against lung cancer. Tomorrow will mark the two year anniversary of his passing and it seems like he has been gone a lifetime. It still seems like a dream sometimes. The life I had before this nightmare is so far removed from the life I lead now. I don't like this new life but I have to manage. I still struggle with the reality of my loss and sometimes feel numb from it all. Will I cry tomorrow? I don't know. I don't think I have anything left really. I am amazed at how well my family and I have handled this tragedy though. You never know your personal strength until it is tested I guess. To those of you who are just beginning this journey called grief, it does get better though. Believe it or not. Just take one day at a time.

I can relate to your post. I lost my Dad at the age of 27. He was only 58. He was very much in his prime, a very active person who most people did not even know was sick until he was hospitalized (never to return home). I feel cheated and, as a result, struggle with anger quite frequently. His parents are in their late 80s, although his Dad was recently diagnosed with cancer as well, so I always took for granted that he would live a long life. It's tough and it feels so unfair. I am the oldest of two girls, neither one of us are married or have children. There is an entire second part of our lives that we will not be able to share with him and it hurts so bad. I wish I had some advice that would help. I am a year and a half into this journey called grief and on most days I function well but there are those days when I am a complete mess. Since I lost my dad, I have witnessed (and had to be there for) people my age and younger that have lost a parent and that reminds me that nothing is promised. I understand that death is a part of life and I try to intellectualize my experience sometimes but it doesn't negate the fact that he is gone and I am hurting. Though it is hard not to think about the future, try to take one day at a time. Sincerely, Rochelle

Flo, I was worried when I hadn't seen you post in a while. I am so very sorry to hear of Terry's passing. Words escape me right now. I pray that peace finds you in all of this. Sincerely, Rochelle

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I will keep your family in my prayers. Rochelle

Yesterday was my 2nd Father's Day without my Dad and it was "easier" than last year. Last year, I didn't go to church (my dad was active in the male choir and male usher board and they always have them on duty during Father's Day. It is often hard to see them without my dad). I just pretty much lounged around the house. This year I went to church and mom, sis, and I had lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and did some window shopping (women stuff). It was still hard but we made it through. We even shared some laughs. If you didn't know us you wouldn't know that we were still grieving. -Rochelle

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray that God grants you peace in the days ahead. -Rochelle

My Dad- Army (during Vietnam War) He actually passed away last year on Memorial Day. -Rochelle

Well, A year ago today my dad was admitted to the hospital never to be released. 34 days in ICU and he passed away. I have been dreading this day all week. Today is also my sister's 23rd birthday so we are going out for drinks later. Tomorrow we will have another celebration with family at a restaraunt(the older relatives, predominately my Dad's side. He was one of 13 and they were very close). So I have to put on my game face (the white-elephant-in-the-room syndrome). This is hard and I don't know how I am going to get through the next month. I am already reliving last year's ordeal: 4/25-Sister's Birthday. Dad admitted. 5/5-Cinco De Mayo. Last time I spoke with Dad. Ventilator, Medically-induced coma until the end. 5/28-Memorial Day. Dad passed away. I have a history of depression but this may be a little too much for me to handle on my own. For those who have received therapy after your loss, where did you go for help? Psychologist? Grief counselor? Pastoral care? Did it help? Thanks, Rochelle

Karen, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Your husband's journey sounds very close to my Dad's final month and they were around the same age. I pray that God grants you some peace during this difficult time. -Rochelle

I just want to say that this post has been very helpful for me. It is giving me some insight on what my Mom is going through. They were married for 35 years (the majority of her life) and she is learning bit by bit how to cope. I have been worrying about her alot lately. -Rochelle

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. May God grant you peace during this difficult time. -Rochelle

It is difficult for me to say that my dad "died" also. I usually say "I lost my Dad" or "passed away." Ten months later...Sometimes I am able to say it. Sometimes I find myself holding back tears. I almost burst into tears yesterday when I told one of my middle school students that "my dad passed away last year." I had to go in my office and get myself together. I am wondering if it will ever be easy to say any of those words.

What a beautiful poem! I had a rough night last night but this has lifted my spirit. Thanks, Rochelle

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I can relate to how you feel. She was the same age as my father. I too feel like I was robbed and there are so many milestones that I will not get to experience with him. However, I must believe that he will be there in spirit. I pray that the days ahead pass gently for you and that you find hope, happiness, and healing with your new bundle of joy. --Rochelle

Welcome Mary, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my dad in May. I was 27 and my sis is 22, so I know what it feels like to lose a parent at such a young age. There are so many things left undone and so many hallmarks you will experience in life that they won't be able to be apart of (in the physical sense). It is a lot to deal with and nine months later, I am still having a difficult time understanding why this happened to us. He was such a great father and had so much more to live for. It just seems so unfair. My only advice at this point would be to take things one day at a time. Grief is a process. You will have your okay days and your days when you can barely get out of bed. I still have those days, but things are getting a little better now. I pray that God gives you strength during this time as well. Sincerely, Rochelle

Julia, I am saddened to hear of Aaron's passing. When I first joined LCHelp, he was one of the most memorable posters. We are close in age and I couldn't imagine going through what he went through so early in life. Yet he maintained that fighter attitude and had such a sense of humor. I pray that God gives you peace and strength during this difficult time. Rochelle

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I echo what everyone else has said. My dad was in ICU for over a month and was in a medically induced coma for 23 of those days so I know what it feels like when things take a downward spiral. You can't believe it's happening. You want very much to find something that will prolong their life. And you are caught between wanting them to keep fighting and not wanting them to suffer anymore. I pray that God gives you strength through all of this. Rochelle

Awwww! Congratulations! -Rochelle

I am so sorry. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. I pray that God gives you strength and peace today. -Rochelle

What a beautiful way to celebrate your mom. Your strength despite your immense pain inspires me. I can totally relate to your story. I pray that you find easier days ahead as we are all trying to deal with the new "normal" after losing a loved one. Rochelle

I am so sorry to read this and know of the pain that you are experiencing at this time. I pray that God grants you peace and understanding during the difficult days ahead. -Rochelle

I feel your pain. I found myself very depressed around the anniversary of my Dad's diagnosis. Also with it being so close to the holidays, I think we are dealing with the overwhelming sadness of not spending the holiday season with our loved one. I got through my dad's anniversary by taking it one step at a time. I believe because I had this huge dark cloud over me, I had to somehow find some light somewhere, even in the smallest things like eating comfort foods or taking the day off and sleeping in late. In other words, I had to be selfish for a moment and do what would make me feel better despite what I was dealing with. I had to find that small glimpse of happiness to combat all of the despair. With God's help I got through it and I pray that he gives you the strength as well. Rochelle

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to work in a place that is filled with so many painful memories. A few months after my dad passed, I had to go back to that same hospital for an appointment. I remember the dread I felt when walking down the halls and I even ran into some of the doctors and respiratory therapists that worked in my dad's unit. Needless to say, I couldn't wait to get out of there. As each day goes by, I realize that although we may be experiencing the most excrutiatingly (sp) painful thing that we thought could ever happen (to the point that we are filled with anger and sometimes question God about why life is so unfair.) He gives us strength to get through the most difficult tasks. I am praying that he also provides you with that strength. God bless. Rochelle

Rochelle 27 years old. School Librarian living in Atlanta, GA. I have one sibling who is 22 and my mom is widowed (lost dad to LC in 5/07). No husband or kids yet but working on it:P. Purchased my first home almost a year ago and thinking about getting a little puppy.

I can relate to how difficult of a time this is for you.I pray that God gives you strength through all of this. Rochelle