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Missing him


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Eighteen years ago today my husband and I knew we were absolutely in love with each other. It was a Halloween party. He was my Caesar. I was his fairy princess. It was a magical night.

I'm really missing him today. I wanted to sit here and cry all day. But I made myself go out. Trick or treating with my sister and nephew. Dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. I was fighting back tears the whole time.

We should be together today. Reflecting back on that special night long ago and all the other wonderful memories we made along the way. Making plans for our future together.

Each new day is getting harder, not easier. I feel like each day takes me further away from him. And I hate it. I hate that he suffered. I hate that he never accepted that he was going to leave this Earth. I hate that he wasn't ready to let go. I just hate everything today.

Thanks everyone. I needed to get that off my chest.


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Each new day is getting harder, not easier. I feel like each day takes me further away from him. And I hate it.

Oh ((((Nanci)))),

You're preachin' to the choir here with the above statement. I want time to stop so I can somehow hold Tony's being closer to me. I think of you every day and wish this would get better, but I know it's only going to get worse. Me too. We'll bottom out and then make the slow climb back up. Keep writing and venting -- many here understand your pain all too well. Thank God for our families -- we are so lucky to have that love around us right now.

We spent our first Halloween together at a party dressed as a nun and a priest. My first son was born less then a week later. Oh Father Tony!! (Nothing sacrilegious, all in good fun.) I miss our outrageous sense of humor together. Half of me is missing now.

Huge Hugs and love,


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Nyka, Debi and Randy,

I am crying after reading your posts. I feel like I am so close to being where you are and I don't know how you go on, AND you keep posting to help others. I hope it helps you more to vent your feelings. I am SO D___ sorry you are in so much pain. If there were words to ease your soul, I would come to you and say them.You are all in my heart tonight.


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I am so sorry that you have to bear this pain so soon after losing your husband. Holidays are always hard no matter what but when they have special meaning that makes it much worse. I know nothing can ease your pain. I sure you are still in shock at your loss. I just want you to know that there are many of us here who know and understand. We also keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Try to hold on to those special memories even though right now they are just as painful as the bad ones. The day will come down the road when you will want to take those memories out and relive all the joy that he brought to you. Prayers for you all all who are in such emotional pain right now. Lillian

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Just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain..in a different way, but I feel it just the same. It is so odd how little things can bring on so many tears. Then, a day or so later, little things can make you laugh. I wish for you more of the latter. When I am crying, I can almost feel my sister there telling me to stop. This is so hard to go through, but I know we can do it. I know a sister is not the same as a spouse, and I am not trying to compare the two, but my sister and your husband died pretty close together and I just wanted you to know that it is still so soon. It is wonderful to have happy memories of our loved ones..hopefully soon, they will take over our thoughts.

Love to you,


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