cdejac Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Thank you all for your condolences. I am having a delayed reaction to my husband's passing. It,as you know, is very difficult right now. Just when I think I'm going to be okay, the tears start anew. I guess what makes it so difficult is that the last two weeks of his life, he was sedated and on a ventilator for 9 days. When he came off the ventilator, it was very difficult for him to talk and we did not understand a lot of what he was trying to say. He was very agitated at first. Then, it was confirmed that he did indeed have the lymphatic spread of his lungs. It was so aggressive that he did not stand a chance. I never got that last hug from him. There are so many other issues that I am trying to deal with that I tend to ramble a little. Sorry. Prior to my husband going on the ventilator was that he was delusional. The Dr. attributed that to the methadone that he had been taking for his pain. My husband was one to have ill effects from medications. I really don't know if he even knew who I was when he passed. It was such a horrible time for him and me. These are just a few of the issues that I am having trouble dealing with. I am going to try and upload a photo of my husband and me. Thanks again for your support. cdejac Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 sorry to hear you had such a difficult time.my condolences to you and i hope things will ease up for you in time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 cdejac, I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying that God will give you peace and comfort in the days and weeks ahead. God Bless, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hello cdejac, I just answered your first post... 5 weeks is a VERY short time. I'm almost 7 months out, and am dealing with new things always. And people tell me I'm strong! I imagine at 5 weeks, the reality is only just creeping in. The shock of it all is enormous. Those specific issues you described are very difficult. It's so hard that we can't control the end of our loved one's life, even though we know it's coming. I know I felt like my Bill had been through so much already, he didn't deserve anything bad in his last days, but bad things still happened. I do understand the anguish. I hope that in time you will realize that most things were not in your control, and you did the best you could under the most dire of situations. Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 He loves you very mucha dn he knew who you were. The drugs do strange things but the heart never forgets or misunderstands. I am over 2 years out adn still have bad days where I want to crawl under the covers and scream at the world so don't feel alone by any means at all. Don't beat yourself up. Things happen for a reason that we do not know and only god knows... Prayers and Hugs for you always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Those first few weeks often pass by in a blur. I felt sort of numb, mostly because there were so many things that needed immediate attention, and just to get through all that, my mind protected me by numbing me. It's all about stages, or phases. Everyone passes through them differently and in different order, but this whole thing is a process, not something to "get over" or put behind you, but rather something to live with. Everyone here understands, so do know that you are in good company. We get it. ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hi, welcome, and my sincere sympathy on the loss of your husband. I'm almost at 4 months (how can that be?) since my husband passed. The early weeks are a blur. Reality has barely set in for you yet. (Hell, I'm not sure it has set in for me still!) Guilt, conflicting feelings, regret abound, and oh, -- it hurts so much. Some of the memories of his last days will eventually settle down in your mind, but they will rear their heads at times you least expect. I'm still struggling with not getting teary-eyed in public. Many here understand what you are experiencing. You certainly are not alone in any of your feelings. We're here to support, hold your hand, and send hugs. Feel free to keep posting and think of us as your "comfort zone". Hugs, Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I'm so very, very sorry for your loss... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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