MsC1210 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Hi Friends I have not posted any updates in a while about Mom, and for the most part she has been doing fairly well coping with the adjustment to her "new life". We've had continuing issues with the step siblings but Mom has decided, with a minimal amount of coaxing from yours truly, to just stand back and let them continue on their present course and let the courts sort it out in the end. They KNOW they are wrong and yet persist in having "estate sales" each weekend and selling off everything that is not nailed down, even though it is in black and white from the lawyers that they CANNOT do that until the estate has been probated. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh... You just cannot fix stupid and greed. There is much, much more to that whole nightmare but it is not even worth getting into. My latest concern with Mom is her paranoia. I am an only child so all of this has fallen on me. Lately, and this has happened on more than one occasion, if she calls me and I am not able to get to the phone or I am out on the motorcycle, in a no service area, out in the yard without the cell, etc, and she gets the voicemail, she FREAKS OUT! I mean total melt down, hysteria, it is absurd! She leaves me messages saying OH MY GOD!! WHERE ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE?? I JUST KNOW SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED! Yesterday I was at the mall with my daughter when the latest episode happened. I did not have good signal, I could hear her but I was all broken up and she could not understand me. Needless to say she was on the other end ranting and raving and being sure something had happened to me. I don't know why we do this but when we know the reception is bad and the person is not hearing us because the call is broken up we YELL, thinking that will make it clearer.. So, I am yelling at her, in the middle of Target, "MOTHER, STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW!!!" (how to get yourself noticed, eh? ugh..) I ended up going out of the store and calling her back and trying to CALMLY explain to her that I was fine, everything is fine I was simply at the mall doing some errands. I am really just needing to vent. I understand her neediness and I am there for her as close to 24/7 as I can be, I love her dearly, but now and then I do need a few hours to get away from everything. I feel guilty when she has a melt down but I just can't be there constantly. Let me add that I called her today and it is as if yesterdays episode never happened! She was off to cut the grass and do some gardening. Go figure! Thanks for listening. I feel better having been able to "talk" to someone about it and I know that there is most likely someone here who understands this. Love and Hugs Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Chris, Understanding something intellectually and how it impacts you emotionally are two different things. Your mom's lucky that you do understand it. When mom's on a tear, it would probably help to keep reminding yourself over and over that she'll be o.k. and you need, you deserve your time to yourself. That's key, we know we do but when a loved one becomes demanding, some little voice niggles us and tries to make us feel guilty. The calmer and reassuring you can stay in the moment (no matter how maddening it feels) the sooner she'll likely stop doing it. I don't mean that to sound cruel or to suggest she's doing it on purpose to aggrevate you. I don't. It's just a rule of psychology, behavior unrewarded with go away. Venting is good! Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Hey Chris. Sorry about the step siblings but you are right, nothing you can do about stupid and greed. Am so sorry about your mom and your burden of having to be there for her all the time. I am sure it will get better over time but that doesn't help right now. Take good care and I hope things get better soon Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Wishing for easier days for you. I've said it before, you always seem to have a pretty full plate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 ((((((Chris)))))) We have talked about this and you know I understand. My mom was the same way after my dad died and it DOES get better, but at least in my case there were three of us kids. My mom had never been on her own - went straight from her parents house to a house with a husband. Knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier on you. Call if you need to talk. Hugs - Patti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 Patti, I think this is a LOT to do with it.. Mom went from her parents to making a home and life with my Dad. Then they divorced and I was still at home with her for the most part. I moved out and started my life, but by that time, Mom had been on her own so to speak, long enough to appreciate having the house to herself. Then she and Jerry got together and she spent 17+ years with someone in her life again only to go back to the empty nest thingy. It's only been 2 months and the way she has handled the majority of the stress is beyond admirable! It is just those moments I guess when she is feeling alone and vulnerable that she finds so hard to cope with. Of course she reaches out to me and if, for whatever reason, I am not there, it compounds her stress and fear. I want to clarify one thing. Mom is in no way, shape or form a burden to me. I love her dearly as I am sure you all know. I just get so frustrated having all of this on my shoulders some days. I have 3 kids, 4 furry kids, my web site and other charitable work(s) that I do. It's a great life and I would not change one single bit of it, even if, as Nick says, I always seem to have so much on my plate. It's the way things go for lots of people I am sure. My home and family are my greatest joys, and Mom is my family, so together we will get through this. I know this will get easier, I really just needed to lean on someone for a bit and thank you all for being here to support me. Hugs Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Christine, This too shall pass. I developed all kinds of weird phobias after John passed away. I had a real thing about being too far away from my kids. I couldn't go out of town for dinner or to shop because I didn't want to be more than 20 minutes or so from them. I had to drive everywhere-- I was afraid of being a passenger...just weird things. They went away finally. I don't know what it is about losing someone that brings about various fears but I think it will go away. Your mom has suffered a terrible loss and it will take some time. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Chris, No need to explain. Nobody here judges and we all know how much you love your mom. That's the beauty of this place! Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Chris, I have been thinking about your situation too and I have no answers. It just sounds like your mom just needs a lot of extra reassurance and support right now. She is so blessed to have you . Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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