NoreneM Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 My mom is going to be 71 this next week. In June, 2008 she found out she has lung cancer. My mom had breast cancer when she was 23. She had it again in 1986. She was cancer free for years. The doctors feel that somehow the breast cancer caused the lung cancer. My mom started off with some sort of drug treatment. That wasn't doing the trick, so she started chemo. That caused blood clots; one in her lung and one in her leg. She is now on cumidin and oxygen. She is doing well, except she lost all her hair and she is having numbness is her fingers. She she stopped the taxol treatment (excuse my spelling issues). She hasn't done any chemo for about a month and 1/2. She is going to begin taking a new chemo treatment in 2 weeks (which was scheduled before she got the MRI results). I get the impression that the cancer is not operable. She had a mri and today she found out that the cancer is growing again; albiet slowly. She has had great blood tests consistently. The cancer has not spread any where else. I realize that it is what it is and I am preparing myself for the worst. But at the same time, I need to stay positive for my mom (and my dad). My mom wears the pants in the family and my dad is sorta useless most of the time. I love them dearly, but most of the time I am incredibly overwhelmed by all of this. My sister died 2 years ago at the age of 49 from a massive stroke. We have no extended family in the area so I am under incredible stress. I am married with no children. I have asked the neighbors and church, etc to help. They will do anything my mom and dad ask for...the problem is my parents won't ask anyone for help but me. The doctor hasn't said anything like her time is running out; so I'm not sure what to think. Do you guys have any ideas? I have really encouraged both of my parents to talk to our minister or to a counselor; but neither one of them will. Again, I want to be positive for both of them; but I want to be prepared to handle whatever is next. I just don't know what that may be. Again, any input would be GREATLY appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Norene, you have done the right thing by coming here. We are all here to help you and your family get through this. As far as your mom and dad asking for help, I hear what you are saying. Do you live close by? Can you talk to their minister? I guess what I am getting at is can you set up a support system to help your parents and yourself? I know my church was more than willing to bring meals, etc. so that we could concentrate on medical matters. If your parents wouldn't be offended, you might call on the church to help you through this. And we are here to help you in any way we can. If you need to vent, bouce ideas off of us, etc., we are here. Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I have asked the neighbors and church, etc to help. They will do anything my mom and dad ask for...the problem is my parents won't ask anyone for help but me. That's very typical, and in these cases, as you say, everything falls on you. At the same time, you'll frequently hear friends and neighbors say, "Oh, if I can do anything, just let me know," and it stops there. Some people will do thoughtful things on their own initiative, but not many. You might try this: Make a list of things that need to be done, but don't have to be done by you personally, and carry it with you. Then when someone makes what you think is a sincere offer to help, pull out that list and say, "You know, there is one thing..." Just a few of these will really lift your spirits. Do you know what specific type of lung cancer your mom has? My first line treatment also included Taxol, and I can attest that it's a challenging chemo. My peripheral neuropathy (numbness and tingling in feet and hands) resolved after a few months with the help of Neurontin. Look through some of the profiles in the lower part of the messages here, and also browse the My Story and LC Survivor forums. Ask any and all questions that come to mind, and someone here will be sure to have first-hand experience with the same issue. Best wishes and Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoreneM Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I'm getting all my information thru her...she has stated all along that the doctor has never really given her a prognosis. As in you have ?? months, years, etc. He keeps telling her she is doing well. I'm sure this growth (again, albeit slow) isn't great, but I don't think it necessary means that she is going to die tomorrow or even in a month. She is really depressed about it and can't talk to her doctor until monday. I wish they wouldn't give that information over the phone on a friday. I wish they would share that information in the doctor's office so they can discuss it and all that it means for the patient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce u Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Hi Norene You will find support here and lots of information. Members here are very knowledgeable and are more than willing to answer your questions. I am very surprised as well that they would provide information like that over the phone. My Oncologist is 900 miles away and he would not discuss anything over the phone. I would have to fly there for a meeting where he would give me all the information in person. Please keep us posted as you receive more information. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 ...the doctor has never really given her a prognosis. As in you have ?? months, years, etc. It's good that the doctor won't give her a prognosis with a specific number, because nobody knows. The statistics figures you hear thrown around or even published are just historical averages/means for a very large number of patients with a similar diagnosis, and there's a great amount of variation from one side of that group to the other. We have members here who were given a prognosis of just a few months several years ago. Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Hello Norene and welcome to the "family" As you can see already, there are some wonderful people here with some excellent advice! I'm so glad you found this site and you can lean on us here whenever you need to. Please keep posting and let us know how Mom is doing and we will do our best to help you! Warmly Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoreneM Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Thanks for the encouragement! Lung cancer is an awful disease, isn't it? My mom has never smoked a day in her life. She gets checkups regularly, etc. Then WHAM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoreneM Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 My mom is starting to plan her funeral and make plans for my dad. At first this totally freaked me out...like she was giving up. She did tell me that at times she feels like giving up. I understand that. The chemo therapy really wipes her out. She has finally started taking the anti-depressants the dr prescribed. They are starting to help, but I think she just gets so tired, both physically and emotionally. As far as planning for her funeral (and my dad's future without her in it), I think she is doing it more because that is something she feels she can control. My mom is a control freak (like me) so I sorta get it. As for the lung cancer, she is at it's mercy, so I think she is looking for things she can control. She thinks that I don't want to talk about it or that I will be angry with her for talking about her plans. But I'm not at all. I totally get it. Hey guys....I only joined this forum last night, but I feel 1,000 times better than when this journey started. Thank you for all your encouragement and advise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 ((((Norene)))) I know this is a very difficult thing to be dealing with but you are doing a great job of supporting your Mom. I think it is pretty acceptable and "normal" for Mom to be trying to make some plans. When Brad, my friend that died at 31 from LC was fighting, he took care to make all of the arrangements early on. It was one of his final gifts to those of us he left and one that meant so much as we knew things were done the way he wanted them to be. I am so glad you found this site and that we've been able to make this easier for you and help you feel better. Keep posting and we will keep reading and replying! Hugs Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce u Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Hi Norene We are here to support and provide encouragement anyway we can. If you need to ask questions or just to vent, we are always here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Norene, I am so glad you found us. It sounds like you are handling things with your mother admirably. I agree that doctors offices should have a rule--NO RESULTS BY PHONE ON FRIDAY. I've experienced it with family members and it's dreadful. I'm sure that the cancer has brought her immortality into focus for your mother as it has for many of us dx'd with lung cancer. It is, I suspect, especially hard for her to consider going first if your dad is (as your words suggest) very dependent on her. Try to reassure her that he isn't as helpless as he seems and will do what he needs to do if he has too. Even if you don't believe it, it might help her to think you do. Keep posting. We're here to offer help and support. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Welcome Norene, Glad you found. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Hi Norene. Please add my welcome to the mix. Please take it 1 day at a time. The first part is so overwhelming but it will get better. Take good care and please keep us posted. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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