Grieving the Loss of my Father

[Aubree]

My name is Aubree. My Dad was diagnosed with Non Small Cell Lung Cancer in May of 2007. This was due to the two pack a day habit he had since his late teens. At first we were hopeful. He had very successful chemo and radiation treatments in the summer of 2007, and in September he had his left lung removed. We had every reason to believe that after that, my Dad would be cancer free. In January of 2008, the doctors came to us and told us there were microscopic cancer cells in other parts of his body, and that he would always have cancer. We were still hopeful. People I have known have lived with cancer for many years, and I looked forward to many more years with my father. However, every chemo that was tried after that were ineffective, and dad developed heart problems late 2008. I lived 20 hours away, and was very dependent on what Dad told me about how he was feeling. Every day I would talk to him sometimes 4 times a day, and he would assure me he felt fine, even when he had to go on oxygen because the cancer had spread to his only lung. Dad went downhill very fast, and still I was in the dark. Dad died February 3, 2009 in the hospital, after he had been told there were no treatment options left and he had maybe 3 weeks left. I didn't make it home in time. The last time I had been home was in July 2008. I hate myself for it. I am having a very hard time grieving, not wanting to think about anything. I'm hoping I may hear from some people here who may have had an experience similar to mine, or just someone who had lost someone to this horrible disease. I miss him so much, he was my best friend. I am having a hard time grieving. It's been close to two months now and I can't think about it, can't cry about it. Any advice I could get would be great. Thanks.

[fillise]

I don't have advice, but just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers that you find comfort in the love you and your father shared.

Susan

[Nick C]

I saw your post previously in the other forum and responded there, but it is clear you are still hurting.

It is hard, one of the hardest things you'll ever deal with. We understand.

[alyssa0323]

Hello. I just wanted to let you know that I lost my mom to small cell lung cancer on Feb. 17th of this year. I know how you feel and I understand completely. I cant get over being mad yet in order for me to aloow myself to grieve. I have posted on this site a few times and everyone has been so helpful. I talk all the time about how angry I am that I lost my mom to this and how she only was given two months to fight this awful disease. My mom was my best friend and out of all my brothers and sisters, I was the closest to her. I have yet to have a really hard cry or breakdown. I think I surpress it everytime I feel it coming. I guess it is still very surreal for me and I think you may be experiencing this feeling as well? Like it just doesn't feel real yet? I just wanted to let you know that there are so many people on this site that understand exactly what you are going through, especially myself, being that we lost our loved ones just recently. For me, I think the grieving process is going to be long and difficult. Everyone is different of course and there is no "right" or "wrong" way. There is no need to ever apologize for any feeling that you have, I have been taught that here on this site. I vented so many times on here and apologized for it, only to be told, stop apologizing! It's normal !

Please feel free to message me anytime. I am here and would like to help just as much as all the other wonderful people on this site !! :0)