Guest Denise D Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Hi, I posted also under sclc but felt the need to post here also. I consider myself to be a pretty strong person and I always hear that God won't give you more than you can cope with??!! Well, enough is enough. I have felt as if I've been getting tested for a long time now. My first born son, age 28, died January 16, 2003 from Leukemia. Healthy all of his life until he was 23 and we got hit with that bomb. There has been NO worse pain since we saw him pass. In November I got dx with extensive sclc with mets to the liver. My poor family (daughter 26, sons 15 and nearly 17) now has to deal with this when we are still trying to deal with the loss of Bobby. Last night I found my boyfriend of 2 years out with another woman, pretty and SHE HAD BLONDE HAIR which wasn't a d*mn wig. What more can I say??!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Oh Denise - I am so sorry. Some times it just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You have been through so much in a short period of time it is no wonder you feel bitter. Please know we are here for you. As far as your boyfriend goes... Let him have the blonde bimbo... you know what? He isn't worth the energy it takes to be angry with him.. Aren't you glad you found out now what a jerk he is rather than invest any more time in the relationship? I know it is easy for me to say all this as I am not the one trying to mend, but with each passing day, you will begin to realize he did not deserve to be with you in the first place - you are far to good for him. I am here if you need to talk... Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Denise, I know what your are talking about. Some days it seems like I wake up to find myself in a boxing ring facing Lennox Lewis on speed. I call those times "My time in the barrel" as in shooting fish in a barrel. There are some things I've learned to do to help me through those things. The first thing is to conciously SLOW DOWN. Both physicaly and mentaly. When I get hit by a ton of stuff all at once my first reaction is to fix it all ... RIGHT NOW! The second reaction is to go running as fast as I can, as far as I can, dig a hole, jump in and pull the hole in after me. But neither one realy helps. If I try to fix it all in a hurry I just end up making things worse. And I've found, for many things, there's no real place to hide anyway. So I have to slow down, and even stop if necessary, and take the time to figure out what is realy going on and what, if anything, I can do about it. And the first thing I need to do is prioritatize (sp?). Out of all the stuff that's going on, what are the things I can actualy DO something about and, out of those things, which do I have to take care of first. The neat thing about doing that is I usually find that a lot of the stuff I can't do anything about right now anyway so I don't have to worry about it and can concentrate on the things I CAN do something about. It seems to me that for anyone with lung cancer the priority is pretty obvious. I said this in another post somewhere: This disease takes EVERY ounce of a persons time and energy if they are going to have ANY chance of survival. Given that, I think I'd tell the boyfriend to find a nice life SOMEWHERE ELSE, gather the people who REALY care about me around me, and get on about the business of living. Having all this hit so soon after loosing your son has got to be tough. There's another thing I know to be true. We don't have to handle these things alone. You've found a REAL good place for support. Stick around and let us be here for you. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Denise, Dean gave you good advice, concentrate on yourself and getting better, gather your family and real friends around you, they are important for your health. The volatile boyfriend could go where the grass is greener and the hair blonder, he would be an obstacle to your well being. Do not forget to come here and keep us posted. Good luck with the rest of the treatments. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Denise, I would follow Dean's advice even if he told me to cover myself with honey and lay down on an ant hill so please disregard what I am about to write for it is the irish temper in me. give me that sorry S/O/B' s of a boyfriend's address so I can set his a-- on fire and sing camp fire songs over him while roasting marsh mallows and make smores. then when he screams "No more, No More" I will say "Oh you want me to make another smore?" sorry, please listen to dean, he is more stable than I am about this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Denise D Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Dean, you seem to have so much good advice. I've been reading them before I registered also. Thanks all for your time in replying to me. Shelly, you made me laugh! Thanks. Family and friends are the most important to me. You're right Dean about the energy/cancer, not a whole lot extra to waste on some sorry as*, poor excuse for a boyfriend that he was!!!!! (LOL It hurts less to be mad) I will concentrate on what I can do, not what I can't! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Denise, I hate to say it but welcome aboard. You have come to the right place for info and support. Family and friends are the most important things. Gather them around and do not hesitate to ask for thier help and support. You have travelled a rough road already but you are a fighter I can tell. You can beat this, keep telling yourself this over and over. We are all here for you. God would not give you anything you cannot handle Oh, yeah, remind me never to Pi$$ Shelly off. My prayers are with you.............and your EX-boyfriend if Shelly ever gets a hold of him. '.nn..lnl,nl,ln,,n,nmnmnmnnnnnnnnnnn That was from our 2 year old named Faith. Seriously you will be in my prayers. David C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Denise, From the flow of your letter, you have already decided the boyfriend is out. GOOD! In fact, from the lines I'm reading between, you're feeling pretty good about giving him the boot (upside the head, I hope)...THIS shows that you are NOT down-and-out, there's still a LOT of fight left in you, lady! (Do I hear an "AMEN" from the board?) My condolences on the loss of your son. I cannot imagine what that is like, but I truly empathize with you. There's a "big bad" you have survived and are working through with three children...bless you on that one, too. (One good thing about bad boyfriends - they're like naughty children you can GIVE BACK to their Mama!!) No sugar coating here, this disease ain't a walk in the park...well, maybe Central Park...in the dark...during a gang shoot out...in the rain... BUT, there ARE good days and there are good people here. Stop in often and smell the roses and gather your strength - and hang on tight! Sorry, my thoughts are all scattered here - I'm still smouldering over a "boy" that would go out on someone that could REALLY use support right now through the loss of a child if not the cancer! I do NOT fault the "blonde bimbo" if she is oblivious to what is going on in Loverboy's life, but I don't like her, either! Keep the blame where it belongs....his lap (literally!). Please don't bend and take him back with promises that it'll never happen again.... All the best to you! Remember, no matter what, it could ALWAYS be worse. NEVER tempt Fate with "it can't get any worse then this" because you'll be proved wrong every time... Take care, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Denise, Hello, and welcome to a wonderful group of people that would rather be cleaning toilets then having to be on this board for the reason's we are all here for. Having said that and dragging in out. I first want to share with you that one of my Lung Cancer Support group members HAD the same cancer as you have. She will be a 5 year Lung Cancer Survivor in MAY of this year and she is fine and cancer free. So, I know this crap can be beat. And as for your (so called boyfriend) well, I'll leave that to the professionals such as Shelly. Shelly is our Official *ss kicking Bouncer and I have NO DOUBT she is GOOD AT IT. YOU GO SHELLY!! I am very sorry to hear you lost your wonderful son. I know just how that feels for I lost my son soon to be 4 years ago and he was 25 years old at the time. There is NOTHING worse then losing a child. Even my cancer can't compare. So, on that note I will just send you a hug from One Mom to another (((((((((((DENISE))))))))) Take care my dear and Stay Strong. Your in a safe place and we will give as much comfort and support as we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobmc Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Hello Denise; Also, just wanted to welcome you to our wonderful family here!!! So very sorry you have been going through some tough personal stuff along with the cancer. I'm sure it all get sorted out with a little time! I'll be praying for ya!! On a real positive note, it is really good that your latist scan came out so well !!! I'd really hang on to that one!! Good to be a Survivor today!! God bless and stay well Bobmc- NSCLC- stageIIB- left pneumonectomy- 5/2/01 MRI's taken 12/18/03 - 2 brain mets found- named em Frick & Frack PET taken 1/5 - hot spot in mediastinum May be cancer?? "Absolutely insist on enjoying life today!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe B Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 Denise, I am sorry to hear about the challenges you face. This is an extremely difficult time for you (your son's birthday & anniversary of his death) ..... the cancer diagnosis, the situation with your personal relationship....It probably seems very overwhelming right now. Dean is the master of advice... he is so right.... slow down, and take control of what you can. The rest you can only turn over to God. I ask that you do just that... He is there and He can provide peace and comfort to you In regard to the boyfriend, you have been shown his real character --and for that you should be thankful. Remember, "vengeance is mine" saith the Lord. So, Let it be, and let God deal with that issue... I have known people who upon facing despair, turn to God and expect that all their problems will go away. They don't. I guess in my opinion, it ISNT that "God doesnt give us more than what we can handle" (I think thats BS) (God didn't want or will these things for you - He loves you) ...I think its RATHER - that with a strong belief in God, that we are given strength & peace to deal with ANY situation. I pray for His grace to be bestowed on you, and that you be provided support and strength at this time..... For me, its important to trust Him, even in the most trying of circumstances.... faith is something that is very pleasing to God... and Faith in the face of crisis is true faith..... God bless..... you will find some very geniuine and good hearted people on this board..... turn to them for help as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Denise, I'm so sorry to hear that you are so down and when it rains it poors! I personally despise that "God gives you what you can handle " I also don't like what ever doesn't kill yah makes you stronger.... "everything happens for a reason... HUH?!! Well is for the Man...and I'm no expert on men... But I'd probaly keep him around to torture him on bad days... He may come in handy when you have a bad day!Get him a platter and a nurses suit and put that dog to use! Fetch!! Time to be selfish.... keep your eyes open and hey you can always get a blonde wig and and never have roots! Shelley Macs you are so funny! You have some mo-jo! L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted January 13, 2004 Share Posted January 13, 2004 Love ya Lauri BUT---------the best vengence against ANY man is to look so good he can't believe he messed up. Also we all are given the strength to handle whatever happens. God is always there we just need to turn to Him. Every struggle I have had has led me to this point. I guess I am the one that other sick destitute people point at and say, "Wow we could be in HER shoes!" HA! God is the weaver and He see's the quilt from the top side and we can only see it from the bottom side. I have said for a few years now that I know why I was always overweight, God got me prepared for the chemo. NOW I can eat anything I want and NOBODY says-Cindy you have had enough. Love it. See there are a few benefits. Closer parking places. Go Carts to use in Wal-Mart. Love Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Denise, How beautiful you are! I am so very sorry that you have had to endure all that you have been through. There is a saying, "That which doesn't kill me only makes me stronger." (Victor Frankl) I would imagine that you are about one of the strongest women out there! Keep the faith and trust in God to see you through these tough times. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Denise, Here's a "motivational quote" you may actually be able to put to use: "If you're going through Hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill Remember, one foot in front of the other, baby steps if needed, but keep the forward momentum. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 Hi Denise, I posted to you in the other forum, but wanted you to know I'm still praying... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Hi, this is Karen C. here, Dave's wife. Sorry for the late response, I just saw this. Gotta tell you that Dave is right - God doesn't give us more than we can handle. If we believe in Him, and turn to Him for strength, we can handle it. I know this because we have had TONS of tragedy in my family in the last couple of years, and everyone has gotten through it with God's help. Now, back to you, Denise - just keep this in mind. God isn't mad at you. God loves you. After my third miscarriage (which seems pretty minor in the big scheme of things now) I wondered, in agony, complete, total, without answers, agony, why God was so mad at me. I finally saw the path He put me on and the m/c's were just part of the journey. Now we have our beautiful daughter Faith from China. About the boyfriend: good thing you're getting rid of him now, because you don't need someone like that in your life right now. Frankly, I think the timing is good. You don't need someone like that in your life to weigh you down. One more thing, Denise - the boyfriend must be insane anyway, because you are beautiful, why would anyone want to cheat on you? I can also tell you have a beautiful spirit, too. ddsddddcvzzzzzzzzzzxbbb that was from Faith, it means I love you God Bless Karen C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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