Guest tmccluskey Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Hi all I just lost my mom to lung cancer on 1 Jan 04. She was diagnosed on 9 Dec 03 with squamas cell 3b inoperable. She had cancer in her left lung and right airway but it had spread into her lymphnodes surrounding her eshophogus. I have always read the message boards on this site but never logged on.... reading the boards gave me hope that she could be one of those miracles and I thank everyone on here for keeping me sane in the last month. My mom was 44 years old with 5 children, I am her oldest daughter of 26 years and I really don't know how to deal with this. I never imagined that something like this could happen to her. I feel like I've lost everything; she meant the world to me and without her it seems so impossible to live without her. I guess I am at the point where I feel so cheated, like how could this have happened so quickly and why? I have a 24 year old brother and a 20 year old sister who are asking how this happened and I hate that I don't have the answers. I have two other half brothers 14 yrs and 10 yrs but they have their father (my step-father whom I don't get along with). To top it off, I am getting married on Feb 28, 04 and the funny thing is that my fiance and I had originally planned to elope but my mother convinced me to have it here in Ottawa because she wanted to see her first daughter marry and of course I changed my plans seeing how important it was to mom. I'm going ahead with it, but it's just so hard....I want to be happy but I want her there so bad, I need her there....and she's just not. I tried to go back to work yesterday, I thought I was fine but left early today with major episodes of anxiety. I feel like the pain is getting worse. I'm sorry to burden you all with such negativity, but I have no idea where to turn at this point. Thanks for all your support _________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Tammy, I am so sorry for your loss! Please come here often and we will do our best to help you through this. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Tammy: I am so sorry for your loss. This damn disease is not getting enough money to bring it under control and far too many people in their 30's and 40's are getting lung cancer without ever smoking. Please feel free to come here for questions, answers, or just plain rant and rave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest canuckwebgrrl Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Tammy, I'm sorry you lost your Mom. It must be very shocking since she was diagnosed only a month before. I know (somewhat) how you feel, my 53 year old step-dad passed away less than a month ago. The feelings of confusion & anger & whatever else are what we're all experiencing. I don't have any other answer for you than that. Some here have found help in counselling, anti-depressants, etc., but we all try to take comfort in reading others posts, and sharing our own experiences. My condolences go out to your whole family, try to lean on one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Tammy, You turned to the right place. Many have lost someone near and their help could be with words or only because they will listen to you, so just come back often. Sorry about your Mother, so young to die and so fast to go. The road you will be on will be hard but it has to be done day by day, some may be better some much worst, but as the time go, you will be getting stronger and less stunned by your loss.. Always go for the best memories, the happiest and they may help you through. It is accepted to cry at weddings, so you may do, but remember she will be there, because she asked you. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I am also so very sorry your mom passed away. Its wrong, its sucks, its unfair, its agonizing and its tearing you apart inside. i know these feelings because my mom just passed away in august from lung cancer. I only came back when she got sick. I lived away for 11 years. I needed her so much and she left me. I fealt mad, sad, angry, hatred, despair, sorrow, sick, numb and stopped believing in god and anything good. its been 5 months today. Now I am waiting to see if my step dad has lung cancer too. My birth dad passed when I was 9, my birth mom when I was 32, my adopted mom just this august and now my step dad is sick. i knew my birth parents all my life as aunt and uncle as mom and birth mom were identical twins and twin gave birth to me for mom. (sorry if i am loosing you) so I have now endured this pain 3 times. It doesn't go away, just eases a little bit after a little time, then a little more. I still cry but just not every day anymore. vent here, it helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tmccluskey Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Thank you all so very much for listening, it's nice to know that there are people out there willing to hear what we have to say. After reading the previous message, I just couldn't imagine ever having to endure this more than once, and my heart goes out to anyone who has had to go through the loss of a loved one at any time in their lives. My best wishes to you all and thanks again for your support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Dear Tammy, I am so so sorry you lost your mom. You are a year older than my daughter and I know she wouldnt deal with such a loss as you have to. I know your pain is unbearable and I wish I had the magic words to make it all go away. Your mom was way too young and you are too young to have to endure this loss. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. You feel as though you are walking in a fog, and everything just feels strange and not real. Why is life going on when you feel so helpless and completely consumed by sadness? Doesnt anyone understand, " I miss her" is probably what you are thinking. I understand all too well those emotions, I lost my very precious dad almost 5 months ago, and the pain can be so devastating at times. You have been through alot, and it will take time, everyone grieves in their own way, along with the grieving you have to deal with everything that led up to your moms passing which I know was a nightmare. Just remember do what feels right for you. Your mom wouldnt want it any other way....If you need someone to talk to I can give you my number, just let me know....Will be praying that God gives you strength to get through this and you can heal and find some peace.....Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Tammy, I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful mother. I just lost my mom Christmas Eve. I'm still looking for answers. We will get through this....somehow.....I don't know how, but we will. My heart goes out to you. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Dearest Tammy My heart turly goes out to you. All of us here on this forum have lost someone very close to us be it mother, father or sibling or spouse or as in my case love of my life. Sometimes the pain can be overwhelming and you think that you are drowning. Others you just wish you could lay down and die too. That is not what life is all about no matter how much we hurt. We have to go on.. Take it one minute at a time. Sometimes that is all you can do. Even a day at a time or an hour at a time can seem so endless when you are in such unbearable pain. Take one minute and hold it and if you hold it long enough it will grow into two. It may take days or even months before you have hours of relief but I pormise you the day will come when you don't hurt all of the time. You have a very special day coming.. Concentrate on that as much as you can. Your whole life is ahead of you. Your mom knew that your wedding was coming. It gave her something to concentrate on besides what was happening to her. I know it is bittersweet now but just remember you have a part of your mom with you and you always will have. Hold on to that and do somethng speical during the ceremony to honor her. It may hurt to do that and make you cry but sometimes tears wash away a little of the pain. Someday you will be able to look back and say "this was my mom's part of the wedding" I'm sure she will be there to see.. After all she picked the date or had it planned. There is no way she is going to miss that day... You may not see her but she will be watching.. Believe that with all of your heart and you will know.. Bless you and please come here whenever you need to. We can never be your mom but we can all be your friends. Have a great wedding but more important have a great life!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Tammy, I am so sorry you lost your dear mother. My prayers are with you and your brothers and sisters. Stick together and stay here on the board for support. The people here are the best. Wishing you enough..... Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Tammy- The passong of your beloved mother is still extremely recent and it's entirely understandable that your feelings are so raw and fluctuating. Only time helps ease the pain. And, NO, it definitely is not fair that she was taken at such a young age. I wish you peace and comfort in your loss. The wedding will be hard, but it might also be a symbol of your love and esteem for your mother. Blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbernard Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 tammy, i'm so sorry. My mom died in September. It has been so difficult. I miss her so much. I have a void that will never be filled. I wish the best for you and your siblings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Tammy, I am glad that you decided to log on. I am so sorry you have lost your mom. I wish there were some magic words that I could say to help you. Just that we are here to try and help you through this thing. I hope that you find a way to enjoy your wedding day, I know that you probably know that your mom would want you to, but I guess that it dosn't make it easier. When I was getting married my sister made the ring bearers pillow out of our mothers wedding dress-my mom is still with us, it is my dad that recently passed. But I was thinking, that if there were something that you could carry with you on that day, something that would somehow make you feel that your mother is close by and feel her presance. Just a thought. You are in my thoughts, and I hope you continue to come here. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 I echo what Deb has said, don't be stranger and come back often. I have a feeling that is exactly what will happen. Soon the roles will reverse and you will be the one dishing out large helpings of support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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