Thank you and thanks again to all of you!!!

[Gay]

Hi from Gay (Mrs. DeanCarl). Here's belated hugs to all of you for welcoming me to this wonderful place - as Dean said: "I" don't have to do "this" alone. I also wanted to thank you for all the Birthday wishes. (I am now an old child of 46; The big kid, Dean is only 53). I did not receive any calls from my family(?) members on my Birthday - usually I feel "on" when they call; but was glad to feel "off" and finally came to the realization that whining about the lack of support from them or all these friends(?) who "should" care that don't call Dean or me is wasted time...time we certainly don't have. (We hope to get DSL back so it's not a battle of the computers so we can share this board together. I/we need you guys and I hope to contribute more and more.) I went for a walk to "test drive" being 46 - beautiful day in Alpine; I felt wonderful; just went to a little Indian Sovenir Store and bought myself a Christmas Clearance sale doll; a porcelain Angel doll with an open bird cage next to her and a dove in her hand. Time to let her "dove" fly free. By coincedence part of the sales of these collector series dolls go to "finding the cure for cancer" - didn't realize that until I read the box after coming home. I have a nightly routine of playing the Thomas Kindkade Lighthouse music box that Dean gave me (it has a small cell battery on - off switch light on top and once wound, it's a cylander of 3 paintings that go around in a carousel type encasement -hard to describe; but I had to watch; maybe even do a search on our Hospice Nurse on Tues- she really loved it and was about ready to take it home (it's somewhere on the www - Dean went to the Collectable doll section as a first choice; but Thomas Kindkade's stuff caught his eye there. I had a wonderful Birthday; one of the best ever.... Dean & me and 18oz of Prime Rib (each) - simple; the way we like things.

So, I'm being bold tonight and getting over my internet (people) shyness. I have no problems with www.shopping - finally got those d*** lamps (4 set of lamps at lampsplus.com for $79.99) - incredible deal as I'd been living in the dark for too long (we both suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder) and finally wanted to replace the cheap Walmart lamps that hit my eyes at the wrong angle into migraines and were so old that one caught on fire as I turned on the switch a few months ago; Dean and I worked as a team - no panic; he was half asleep - I yelled "something" as I grabbed the fire exhingisher and handed it to Dean = put out the fire, no Professionals needed; but oh, all that powder went everywhere!!! - I finally figured out what those attachments on my vacume cleaner were for.( - on CLEARANCE sales; men don't understand about CLEARANCE sales - once sold out; oh well so it was a race from our budget until I finally scored and got them) So I'm learning a lot of new skills, fire fighting, etc that women (at least this woman) were never taught. (Although I love to hammer stuff, esp. when I'm angry......we have lots of pictures on the walls.)

I know a lot of you have horror stories about the medical care you are "graced" with due to Cancer - it's scary enough to have Cancer for all involved; but to be treated like you don't matter anyway is more than frustrating leading into depression etc. to make any quality of life just wishful thinking (especially since Dean put his life on the line for his Country for 9 &1/2 years in the Navy and the VA simply doesn't care; I guess Dean is not "cost effective") - the final(?) roller coaster ride today about the scooter business was making me so nauseaus (stomach cramps as I have IBS, too) and Dean said I looked very pale. I think the VA's emotional abuse (lack of caring) on top of cancer is just plain inhumane treatment. (I got internally mad at the Hospice Nurse on Tues when she said: "Most Hospice patients don't even get scooters". (she can be a bit "snippy at times - I hear that type of attitude about my insurance: The "working poor" or Disabled people are the lowlife type people who don't matter in this world. I am lucky to have MediCal - the lower than dirt insurance; but better than none at all. THIS Hospice Cancer patient, Dean, IS getting a scooter and a bit more (opens the world to him/us - I'll be getting in great shape - walking/jogging along at 5.75miles per hour -no sidecar (I get to test drive it, too. - in my youth I rode a small motorcycle) and Dean & I used to go for motorcycle rides from San Diego to the East County(and I had a scooter for around town) for years for fun adventures. Now we live in the East County. And, WE'LL continue to experience "life" - what a concept!!!

Thanks for listening. Thanks for being here!!!

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

Welcome...........I am very new here...just got my Dad's dx yesterday, but I have been here a little over a week. Might I say that you are one heck of a lady!! I can feel your spirit in your post. Your other half is too bad either. He sure brought out some good points to me last night. I'm trying to pick all of this up and start walking with it. (not doing a good job with that)

Sorry for all of the "mess" at the VA. As I told Dean, my Dad has been there once..........and that was too much!! We might have to utilize their services at some point in this journey, but I sure hope not!

Wishing you and Dean all the best!!

P.S. You might want to run a little faster than 5.75mph............just to stay out of Dean's way!! I've got a feeling that he's going to be heck on wheels!!

[gerbil runner]

Welcome back, Gay. Maybe inline skates would help you keep up with Dean...picture the visual...maybe with a towline for you...ok, I'm done giggling, how about you?

I say we pass a law that all Washington pols are sentenced to VA care for life. How much you want to bet VA's would get the world's best treatment?

[Guest Karen C]

Gay,

glad to hear from you. You sound as wonderful as Dean is! I love your talking of clearance sales - nothing makes me feel better than a good clearance deal - good for the soul!

You take care of yourself (gee, don't you get sick of people telling you that - I am sometimes - like, HOW do I do that?) and keep in touch.

Love,

Karen C.

[Guest]

Hi Gay! Sounds like things are going better for you guys!!! I just loved your post. I had to chuckle about the lamp story. I had an almost identical thing happen with an old lamp. I just cannot wait until Dean has that scooter. You are going to have to take a picture and post in on the message board. I need to call you again so we can have another long chat! That was so much fun! I am so glad your birthday was so very special. You really deserve the best!

[Elaine]

Dearest Gay

I am awaiting my final dx--and from what drs say it doesn't look hopeful. The last days have been filled with fear, confusion and at times a sense of hopelessness and dread, but reading your and Dean's posts have given me moments of belief in the human spirit to sustain all that life can bring its way.

you are beautiful people, and I can't understand why these things happen. I have at times thought I deserved this, but that cannot be because if that were true then it would mean that the wonderful people on this board also deserved lc. That can't be, as you and Dean are a testament to.

You must know that CarlDean cherishes you now as he always has. You are each other. I wish that I had a "Gay" in my life, that is what I fear and dread the most. Not having someone like you. Please know how special you are and how strong.

may the music go on forever. Even here, hundreds of miles from you, I can hear the music box as it plays for us all in our time of need. But for you it plays especially.

Elaine

[mhutch1366]

Elaine,

That was beautifully put....

MaryAnn