kimblanchard Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I may be going back to work and just want to gather opinions and experiences from other caregivers. Hubby and I used to have good jobs. His company moved to Mexico. He went on to other jobs. I was customer service at a dot.com that went out of business. I have been home a couple of years, being creative, mowing grass, selling on ebay, things like that. Now I am caregiver for Jim, he was really sick but is feeling a lot better at the moment. He is not going back to work and he would like me to get a job asap. To the positive, another income would be a good thing and if something runs afoul on the insurance an alternative would be a good thing. But - I want to spend as much time together as we can plus I have real doubts on how long he is going to be feeling okay, how much he is going to need me. But I know other people have jobs and they seem to manage. But starting a new job now? It could be, too, that he will feel more at ease if I have a job for the future. Well, what have any of you experienced in these lines? How is it to be working and a caregiver? Thanks for your opinions. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Well my situation is somewhat different because my job is flexible and I work very close to home. I could leave and go home if I needed to and I could make most of his appointments. The other thing is we have children and our 12 year old is a wonderful caregiver If I couldn't be home for some reason she filled in. She would make her dad lunch, check on him and get him things he needed. So I guess my question is, is there someone else that can be there if you can't? Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaKB Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Hello, When my Mom and Dad were both seriously ill, my sister went on leave from her work and stayed with us (my parents lived with me, my Mom still does). When her leave was up, it was my brother's turn, then my sister-in-law. I took a day or two off here and there but pretty much was there before and after work and most lunch times. Theresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Margaret, I understand your dilemma. My husb. was off work for 2 months, but he wasn't terribly sick - just couldn't wake up. He was so weak, he slept almot 24/7. He also ran a low-grade fever for 3-4 weeks which really worried me and it made me crazy to be at work, but I still worked. Anyway, he's not the type that likes to be hovered over AT ALL - and I would have driven him crazy checking on him all the time. He just wants to be left alone when he doesn't feel good. (I know, most guys like to be babied - right? That ought to bring some responses, huh?) He is currently doing great and is back to work full steam ahead himself. However, like your husband, he is Stage IV, and I know there's a possibility that our situation could always change. Your husband's diagnosis and treatments sound very similar to my husband's, however, I see that he is going to start Taxotere tomorrow. If I were you, I would wait until he gets through at least a couple of those treatments before you got a new job unless you need the money real bad. I say that because (1) Do you go with him when he has treatments? If yes, a new employer might not like that very much, and (2) most of the people on here who have had Taxotere say they did ok with it, however, it is a very powerful chemo drug and I think heavy-duty fatigue is pretty universal. If your guy is already somewhat fatigued, the Taxotere will probably bring him back down some. Another HUGE point: You said Jim wants you to get a job ASAP. I'm kind of from the old school, and if that's what he wants, that would carry a very heavy weight, if not the heaviest. Not only is he your husband, but he's the patient. Hmmmm - hard choice isn't it? Hope that helps. Lots of others on here will have other opinions, so listen to them all and then make up your own mind. I wish you and Jim a successfull win in this fight, and know that God is on your side, too. Blessings, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I kept working during my husband's illness. Like Ry, I had a lot of flexibility with my job and could work my schedule around chemo and doctor appointments so that I missed nothing. I was also able to stay home on days that were really bad for him. Toward the end, I was able to be off under the Family Medical Leave Act. Maybe your husband wants you to have some financial security that a job would offer. Really, you just have to make a decision that feels right in your heart! I'll say some extra prayers that your decision works for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Karen C. Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 This is a tough one. When my husband was diagnosed a year ago I didn't know what to expect and we had a new baby then (newly adopted - she was 18 months old at the time). I HAD to keep working, partly for security for the future, and partly because we needed the income now. I called Dave's parents in Texas and asked them to come ASAP. They came and stayed six months. I think if you can get extra caregiver help it might be a good idea to start back to work. You'd have a way of taking care of yourself if things get bad for him and he'd know it. If you had a relative or close friend who could come by every day and help with chores or just with little things he needed done that would be great. the things my inlaws helped with the most was doing all the yardwork and house work that Dave wasn't able to keep up with and I didn't have time for. We live out in the country and have eight acres so there was a fair amount to do. plus, Dave loves having a vegetable garden so his dad plowed up the garden for him and helped him plant and that was really good for him. It's a toss up, for sure. I had decided if things turned for the worst for Dave, we could always sell our house and move to a cheaper place closer to the city and I could take off with Family Medical Leave Act to be with him. He's now in remission so for the predictable future at least it's not an issue any more. But I will say this - I will never again consider how I could become a stay at home mom. I want to keep working and keep my job skills current in case I do have to take care of the family by myself one day. Karen C. (David' C's wife) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Margaret, I can't talk about working for I was retired when my dear Buddy came down with lc plus he was much older then yours also. Did your husband ever file for Social Security disability. If not he needs to. There is a 5 full month waiting period before payments begins. If I remember right, he became disabled in Jan. 2004 so that would mean he would be eligible for payment july payable aug, 2004. This is just a thought. Or, maybe he has already filed. I might have been able to work parttime with my Buddy being ill, but know full time would have never worked. Or maybe 2nd or 3rd shift work might have worked out. Good luck with whatever you chose... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lea Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 After a two month leave from work, I just started back full time and my husband is working from home part time . Since, I also have a daughter and an 80 year old mom who needs some assistance, I hired a neighbor who helps with groceries, laundry, cooking, errands, and some caregiving. She helps about two to three hours a day and so far, it has worked out well . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 15, 2004 Author Share Posted April 15, 2004 Those are some good ideas plus they confirm for me some of my own feelings, like I am not so out there with my worries. I know the first two months would have been impossible if I had not been available every day at home. Right now is easier but we don't know for how long ... We talked more, I think what we are going to do is bide our time a bit longer, see how it goes. If push comes to shove, I will go back to work but we are not at shove yet. I do have a ton of stuff in the basement, think I will start going through that and some of it is worth recycling for bucks. It will be good to get it out of the way. When in doubt - procrastinate. We have 8 acres, too, plenty to do, but I don't think we will be doing most of it. Just keep the grass mowed close to the house. We have nearby relatives, maybe something can be arranged when needed. Thank you for all the information, it really helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 15, 2004 Author Share Posted April 15, 2004 Yes, we did put in for SSD, it is started. I checked on it, it is still "pending at the regional office." still sitting on someone's desk. I will keep on it. In the meantime he has work disability though I don't know for how much longer. And we have savings. And stuff to sell. We could sell our home, too, if it came to that, but I don't think it will. In talking, it turned out some of the reason he wanted me to go back to work was so that I would have some security for myself for the future. That is important. So anyway, is just just pending for the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted April 15, 2004 Author Share Posted April 15, 2004 Our experience with work was different. Becky basically demanded that I continue work and even head back to school. It was a chance for her to affirm to herself that she was still capable of teaching and keeping up with a three year old half a week by herself. It was a huge part of her mental fight that she didn't relinquish those things. But we also had a support structure in place; the university set up unknown to Becky a rotation of people who would be at home every night in case she needed help before I could get back home, and we had parents or friends who dropped in for a week here and there to help. My point is that it can be very healthy mentally to get along with life and the challenges outside of cancer. Becky spent the vast majority of her energy being a mom and teacher, and what little she had left on being a cancer patient. The times when she was depressed were the times between semesters when she had more time to dwell on the last one. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Hi Country, Praying that all works out well for you and that everything falls into place smoothly. Happy to hear that your hubby is doing well and feeling better... You are both in my prayers. Blessings, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 Margaret, call your local congressman and ask him/her to check on it, then your husband's case will speed along. just a tip...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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