New here too.

[3boys4amy]

I posted an introduction in the Welcome section, but thought I would here too. I am Amy, daughter of Harold, just diagnosed. I am still unsure of the type of cancer he has, but the tumor is rather large right now. He has symptoms of lung cancer and has had them for a couple years now. He has chronic cough with chest pain. I am angry! I am angry at the doctors for not doing an x-ray all this time when he was coming in for all his coughing!! They knew he was higher risk because of all his smoking. I think it could have been caught earlier. The tumor is 5.7x6.3 cm and is at the center of his right lung, right at the opening of his bronchial tubes. The doctor thinks it is in the tubes, and possibly his lymph nodes. SHe said she thought she felt swelling in his lymph nodes last week. He still has a lot of testing to go through. Like I mentioned in another post, he lives about 800 miles away and I am scared to death of him going through this without me. How do you handle it? HOw do I talk to him about it? I know I need to be frank with him, but how? I don't want to cause any unneeded stress, but I know he will need to get things out in the open about how he feels and what he is going through. What can I expect?

[ginnyde]

Amy,

Welcome to the most supportive and caring site for lung cancer and I am sorry you have to be here.

I would walk slowly with your Father. He needs to figure out in his own head how he is going to handle this. He is spinning right now. If I were you I would wait a little while for the 'frank' talk.

Support him, make sure he is getting the treatments he needs in a timely manner, make sure he is comfortable with his doctors. Will he give the doctors permission to talk to you? He may not hear everything they are saying during his appointments and you can check with the doctor to make sure everything is going correctly.

Keep us posted.

[sharyn]

I welcome you also and wish you didn't have to be here, but, I am glad that you found us.

I couldn't agree more with Ginny about how to handle your dads illness. Especially her advice about allowing the Doctor to speak to you. I find this so helpful as Daddy only lives about 45 min. from me, but I work and I am not always available to go to his appts. his doctor and staff are always more than willing to go through any questions I may have about Daddy's progress. As Ginny said, sometimes the patients don't always hear "everything" they need to so it helps to have a second pair of ears! I wish you all the strength and courage you will need. Please keep us posted. Love, Sharon

[stand4hope]

Amy, I posted to you on the other thread, but I just wanted to double ditto Ginny's advice. Walk slowly, carefully and cautiously. Give your dad as much time as he needs to let this sink in. Start with the easy questions first, like when do you see the doctor again? I want to help, so how can I help you get through this? Stuff like that. Eeeeeasy stuff.

You'll do ok and so will he. Positive prayers, vibes, thoughts, hugs and whatever else you need coming your way.

Love,

Peggy

[kimblanchard]

Welcome Amy,

I know how hard it is to be away from a parent going thru this though my mom is closer the daily distance is difficult. I try to make the major appointments and procedures and my closer family does the driving, groceries, daily drop in, I tend to stay for extended stays for several days doing housework, bills, financial stuff. There is nothing easy about this, especially just after diagnosis. The folks here have given you excellent advice. My mom seems to digest only a certain amount of information, and then I bring things up gently at a later date after someone had planted a seed. One thing I learned from both my parents having lung cancer, in our family, it worked well to talk about financial arrangements, wills, early on before anyone got too ill. That way it got done but we could still discuss it with some humor since it was not knocking on the proverbial door. Mom got her affairs in order once she got into treatment and felt in control. Now she is fighting and using her energy to be well, enjoy her family and friends. It's a tough ride but we all seem to adjust as best we can. It took my mother weeks before she could say the word cancer, literally, but in her sweet own time she has shown me what she is made of. I can only hope to have half her character and courage. I'm sure you will also be surprised. Please do not hesitate to contact me if I can help.

Nancy

[JoniRobertWilson]

The journey your dad is on needs to be led by him. Does that make sense? I don't know how else to put it. It's pretty much the same advice everyone else has had but I'm just looking at it from a different angle as my husband has already lost his battle. I know looking back we let him lead us. I was lucky in the sense that he wanted it that way too. He rarely, rarely, rarely wanted to talk about my fears. This was a man who ALWAYS had put me first but the minute I would talk about him possibly not being around he shut down. His inner pain and fears were too much already and I learned early on not to let him carry my pain also. I found others to discuss my fears with and although there were times we cried together I could not add to his burden.

I realize you have the added stress of being away - that seems unbearable but like the others have said the docs/nurses will talk to you if your dad approves it.

All I can say is be there for him and do the best you can do. It may not be the same as being there but you will find a way to help him, I know you will.

God Bless your heart/

[Amy P]

Amy -

I can't add much to what other have said but you have come to the right place for support. My mom had been cancer free for 3 yrs and when it came back the oncologist was not offering us much hope - she wouldn't give us any time parameters but was pretty pessimistic which flowed over into me - I was very depressed until I accidentally found this site and what a great accident it has been. There is hope, love and caring and above all support, that I sometimes don't even get from my own family (with the exception of hubby!). Please feel free to PM me if you want!

Keep in touch and let us know how everyone is doing! BTW - great name!

Much Love,

Amy P

[K and Kids]

Hi Amy,

I can relate to your concerns about being so far away. My dad was diagnosed on his birthday one year ago. He and my mom (Paddy) are in CA and we have moved to MI about 2 years ago. I remember how I felt getting the call that Dad was in the hospital and feeling so helpless and terrible that I couldn't be there to support both of them. The kids and I did get to make a quick trip to CA but now with a job loss and getting back on our feet here we are not scheduled for another one and that is hard.

As far as talking to him ... I would say take his lead. My dad is not one to complain and sometimes we talk about how he is feeling and other times we don't touch on the cancer subject. I do ask how he is feeling and then take it from there. I do find it hard on the phone because there is so much you miss as far as visual cues and such that can give you a better idea as to how they are handling things. It is better than nothing. I think I get the low down from Mom so I have a heads up on what is really going on. I think it is my dad's style to keep some what removed from all the technical/medical stuff and just concentrate on letting the meds do their work.

Hang in there.