Ann

New Study A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women Pregnancy Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air curre nt. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any rea son I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". 8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN

Excitable

As many of you know, I was adopted at birth and have always considered my adoptive parents as my "real" mom and dad. Although, of course, I don't look like them, I have so very many of their traits and my personality is so much like my both of theirs. I often have my moms "fly off the handle" temper but also have my dads ability to listen carefully and act with reason. I am so glad that I am like them, although I look like my biological mom and dad.

I would love to host a travel show. I think it would be so great to be able to travel and see some of the world's greatest places. This would be especially nice, since someone else would be paying for me to do this. I could also travel to some of the USA's best cancer hospitals and feature what each is doing to stomp out lung cancer. I would have all of you as special guests on my show!!!

How 'bout those COLTS????? Melinda, you and I have always been friends and have always agreed on things but.....does your post give me an indication that we will have opposing views on the outcome of the Super Bowl??? During the Colts and Patriots game yesterday, my stomach was totally tied in knots! I am so happy that the Colts (and Peyton) finally pulled this off. I have been the biggest Colts fan in the world since the first day Peyton stepped on the field for them!!!

1. A king sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4" deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies & run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3 yr. old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog lease over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 lb. boy wearing Batman underwear & a Superman cape. It is strong enough, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all 4 walls of a 20x20' room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows, even double pane, doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush & the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke & lots of it. 9. A six yr. old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even tho a 36 yr. old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Lego's will pass thru the digestive tract of a 4 yr. old boy. 11. Play dough & microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-o you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-o. 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even tho TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lot of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire dept. in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washer does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends with or without kids. 25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox & brake fluid. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

, MAXINE , being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: chocolate milkshake chocolate gingerale chocolate chicken fried steak mashed potatoes and gravy chocolate taco salad French fries hamburger with everything pizza chocolate ice cream lobster chocolate it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

If you had the opportunity to have your very own tv show, what type of show would it be? If you have guests on your show, tell us some of the people you would invite to appear.

Two blond girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street and down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three person team. But the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

What traits do you have that you inherited from your parents? This can be looks, personality, behaviour...etc?

Name That Group This is an outfit of over 500 employees with the following statistics: 7 have been arrested for fraud 29 have been arrested for spousal abuse 19 have been accused for writing bad checks 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses 3 have been arrested for assault 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 have been arrested for shop lifting 21 are current defendants in lawsuits 1n 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving Who is this? You have probably guessed by now... THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS! THE 535 MEMBER CLUB THAT PASSES LAWS TO KEEP EVERYONE ELSE ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW

Geri...I'm so glad you had such a wonderful birthday. It sounds as if everyone worked together to pull off some really big surprises!!!

Randy, thank you for compiling this and posting it to help us remember what our fight against lucg cancer is really all about. It absolutely breaks my heart in two to read the names of all these dear friends of the MB that passed last year. I will soon be beginning my fifth year with some of the members of this board. Unfortunately, you can only imagine what a five year list might look like. Someone has to find a cure for this damned disease!!!

Bodacious

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?) Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. (I'll bet you're Going to check this out.) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or Purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT". (Are you Doubting this?) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never Stop growing. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter of the alphabet. ( Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for Accuracy, right?) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read Left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.) There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": Tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting This, are you?) There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in Order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say ...... A e I o u) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on One row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out) All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back Of the $5 bill. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is) A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this Too.) Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, The line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an Average of 6 months waiting at red lights. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building Is an American flag. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite! Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that It burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a Chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that) The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. There are more chickens than people in the world. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. ............ Now you know everything!

How to stay married. A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." A Prayer....... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death and I don't know how to crochet. Amen!

Val...I am so very proud to know you! As you well know, I have always marveled at what a truly amazing young woman you are. I know how many difficult times you have been through lately and it seems that it's time for only blue skies for you and your sweet little family. I so love the fact that you can still see your moms hands. Just take it one step further and you'll be able to feel those sweet hands, patting you on the shoulder and guiding you through life. don't think for a minute that your mom won't be right there with you when this beautiful new baby enters this big old world. Honey, you're never alone. Just take a few big deep breaths and know how much you are loved by all of us on this MB. And..........Happy Birthday!!!! I can't "sing" as well as Peggy but the wishes come from my heart!

At this age, I hope I can remember all of the various jobs I've had. While in college, I worked as a teacher's assistant and a waitress. Then, I took about 10 years off to be a stay-at-home mom until all three boys were in school. Since then, I've been in retail management and office management. I really liked the fast moving pace of retail management but dealing with cranky customers was hard for me. So, I guess I'll stay bound to my office desk until retirement.

YIPPEE....and then some!!!!

Tell us about the different types of jobs you have had in your life. Begin early...lol!

bitchy

Connie, thanks so much for keeping us updated on Katie and her mom. When you talk to Katie, please let her know how much we all love her and that we are all pulling for her mom to recover. What a smart son Katie has. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all face a crisis with such a wonderful attitude?

I'm so very asorry for your loss.

I would much rather throw on my jeans and sneakers and have a nice comfy dinner at a small place where the food is good. Like Rich, I really do like diners and small resturants that serve "down home" cooking. We have a couple of really good ones in my area. My favorite is a tiny little place called "Fred and Ethels."