Ann

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting." The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler."

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans, we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around. Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat! Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!' Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar. Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film. Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones. Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, for this I have stretch marks? Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water. The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department. It's very hard to get jiggy with it in midlife. Jiggley, yes; jiggy, no. Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin). Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit. You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the big questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything They could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?" Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Ginny...I think you're a lion...maybe disguised as a cuddly teddy bear!!!

You guys have to go to the link I posted and play the game. It's so much fun!

God bless your mom, Glo. I pray that she makes a full recovery. I just love little ladies in that age bracket. You are so lucky to have your mom!!!

Yep...saw that one, Ginny. I just get so irritated with the people that have such poor odds but pass up a lot of money to go on. I felt so bad for the military dad that stopped because his two little girls asked him to. If he had continued on, he would have won a lot of money. That move showed what a great father this guy must be. If I ever make it on the show, I think I'll have to have some of you guys there as my personal advisors. How bout it?

I am so addicted to this show. Has anyone else been watching? I would love to be a contestant. For now, we can play on our puters. WARNING...Very Addictive http://www.nbc.com/Deal_or_No_Deal/game/

I got this free recipe via email and tried it last night. It's so yummy and also very easy. I just had to share it with all my LCbuddies. Rainbow Pasta Salad Enjoy this recipe from Almost Homemade, p. 67 . 16-oz. pkg. rainbow rotini, uncooked 6-oz. can black olives, drained and sliced 1 green pepper, chopped 1 red pepper, chopped 1 cucumber, chopped 1 c. pepperoni, sliced and quartered 16-oz. bottle Italian salad dressing, divided Cook rotini according to package directions; drain and rinse with cold water. Mix together rotini and all ingredients except dressing in a large bowl. Pour half the salad dressing over the top; toss to coat. Chill. Stir in remaining dressing at serving time. Serves 8 to 10.

Wow....2000 tips for using WD-40 Some of these are really neat. I only knew about a few of these. http://www.twbc.org/wd40.htm

Sound Up http://upchucky.net/%7Eupchucky/flash-f ... donkey.swf

Joanie...Hats off to four years of being a survivor. You are such a blessing to all of us. You were so missed while you wre in the hospital and I am so very glad you are back with us and doing much better. I can't think of a better call for celebration!!!

Happy Birthday to all you wonderful April babies! I think there is something very special about babies that are born in the spring. They always seem to be such vibrant people throughout their entire lives.

If you could become someone's mentor, who would you like to help and what kind of wisdom would you offer?

This was fun, Becky Snowflake. Looks like I'm going to be a lion.......rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

As some of you may know, I do lots of craft shows and one of my biggest sellers has proven to be signs. Some of my signs are on wood and some on tile. I thought I'd share a coupe of my best sellers with you guys. Hope you get a chuckle. *** Inside me is a thin woman screaming to get out...I can usually keep the witch quiet with chocolate. ***She with the most shoes wins. ***Domestically Disabled *** I fell a sin coming on... ***Gardening, yoga, bubble baths, medication...and I still want to smack somebody. *** Wine Princess ***I take life with a grain of salt, a wedge of lime and a shot of tequila. *** My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my real personality. *** Everything is possible with enough coffee. *** If it has tires or testicles, it's going to be trouble. *** Well, la de frickin' da ! *** I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter. *** Do you want to talk to the man in charge or to the woman who knows what's going on? *** It's not shopping. It's retail therapy. *** I don't have hot flashes. I have short, private vacations in the tropics. *** The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. *** I only have a kitchen because it came with the house. *** Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Hope these brought a smile. Please add one of your favorite signs to the list.

Good one!!!

The five most stolen items in a drugstore are batteries, cosmetics, film, sunglasses, and, get this, Preparation H. Apparently people are just too embarrassed to purchase the last item. And, just in case you are curious, one of Preparation H's main ingredient is shark liver oil. The oil not only helps shrink hemorrhoids, but will shrink any tissue. As a result, many older women in Florida use the stuff to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles! Source: Do Pharmacists Sell Farms? by Vince Staten (1998, Simon & Schuster) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I would probably do just about the same thing as Ginny. I think it would be nice to talk with my family about good times and be able to leave their minds full of happy memories. I would also spend every available minute writing notes to my family and friends, letting them know how much they all mean to me. The most cherished things I have to remember from my mom are some of the notes she left for me. They are priceless.

Feel free to add your own tidbits of interesting, but useless, information! mine is: On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04-05-06 This will never happen again. OK....What tidbits do you have to share?

Definitely me......

This one is a little different ....will make you smile. http://www.frontiernet.net/~jlbeam/spec ... e/life.htm

The object of this is to change MY answers and put your own in Subject: All About me 1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00 2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Larry the Cable Guy - Health Inspector 4. What are your favorite TV shows? Deal or No Deal; Medium; Everyone Loves Raymond Reruns 5. What did you have for breakfast? cereal bar 6. What is your middle name? Dean 7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian 8. What foods do you dislike? Most Poultry 9. Your favorite Potato chip? Cape Cod Salt & Vinegar 10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Sara Evans - Born to Fly 11. Favorite sandwich? Ham & Swiss on Rye 12. What characteristics do you despise? Dishonesty 13. Favorite item of clothing? Jeans 14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Switzerland 15. Favorite brand of clothing? Liz Claiborne 16. Where would you want to retire? Tennessee 17. Favorite time of day? Evenings - Except on Sunday it would be mornings 18. Where were you born? Knoxville, Tennessee 19. Favorite sport to watch? Football 20. What laundry detergent do you use? Gain 21. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi 22. Are you a morning person or night owl? night owl 23. What size shoe do you wear? 8 24. Do you have pets? Yes 25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Son's upcoming wedding 26. What did you want to be when you were little? Teacher 27. Favorite Candy Bar? Almond Joy 28. What is your best childhood memory? Dressing kittens up in doll clothes 29. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? retail management; clerical; waitress 30. Eye color: Blue 31. Ever been to Africa? No 32. Ever been toilet papering? Yes 32. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes.. 33. Been in a car accident? Yes 34. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon Bits 35. Favorite day of the week? Sunday 36.Favorite restaurant? Shells 37. Favorite flower? Daisies 38. Favorite ice cream? Bryers Natural Vanilla 39. Disney or Warner Bros? Disney 40. Favorite fast food restaurant? Arby's 41. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige 42. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None 43. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target 54. What do you do most often when you are bored? Surf online 55. What time is bedtime? Whenever I fall asleep 56. Last person(s) you went to dinner with? My future DIL 57. What are you listening to right now? Radio 58. What is your favorite color? Peach 59. How many tattoos do you have? 0 60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chicken

If you discovered that you were going to die tommorrow, what would you do for the rest of today?

Happy Anniversary to Debi and Alan. Hope you enjoy this day that is so important to both of you. Make sure to recall all the reasons why you fell in love and stayed in love through the years. Also make some new and beautiful memories to cherish!