Don Wood

Good point, but it is not the whole story. Each situation has to be taken in its own context. I have been angry as the caregiver but my anger is not at the patient but at the situation, and my wife knows that. The anger has to be expressed somewhere or it eats you up inside. That is why a caregiver and a patient needs someone to vent to. Also, one of the major things we are here on earth for is to learn to love and to forgive. I agree that not everything should be said at a particular time, but it probably should be said somewhere to someone at an appropriate time so the anger can be released and we move on. To stifle it is not the answer either. Just my two cents. I have been the patient and the caregiver both also. Don

Shawna, great news on your dad! Celebrate! Don

Sandy, spreading the time out on scans and office visits is a good thing. We just celebrated that Lucie now sees the onc every 8 weeks instead of every 4 or 6 weeks. And Lucie's heart has an arrhythmia that comes and goes, so the cardiologist has put her on medication to keep it beating regularly. It was not serious, but probably did occur with all the stress and treatments. Best to you. Don

Karen, been there, done that -- lose it, that is. I think as caregivers sometimes we have to scream just to let ourselves and our loved ones know we are not super humans and we have our limits. Glad you were able to vent. And, as you know, you can certainly vent here -- but it doesn't take the place of a good out and out loud scream. I know I have always felt better and actuallly had more energy afterwards. So sorry you have some many juggles in your life. Best to you. Don

MO, thanks for your story. Sounds like things are progressing well. Keep us updated. Don

The third pig must have been on Lasix!

Your children are precious! I am so sorry you and they have lost a husband and a dad at so young an age. Don

That is a beautiful picture of your son and grandson. I am so sorry for your loss -- he was much too young. I hope you find comfort in his memories and his family. Don

I also vote for the aggressive doctor. My wife has one and he is super. Don

Mky wife, Lucie, was given 9 months with NSCLC Stage IV. She is now 14 months out and doing fine at the moment. Don

Prayers for Dean. Don

I am so saddened to learn that Lennie lost his fight. My prayers are with you and your family. Don

David, so good to hear the great news. Hope more coming your way. Don

Welcome! Sounds like your mother is doing well. Don

Any persistent pain should be reported to the onc right away for his assessment and plan. Don

Welcome to our "little" family of friends here. Much support and info. Hope you get to go to Aruba soon. Might be a good time of the year to go there --- warmer, that is. Don

In that vein, one of my favorites is: "We teach people how to treat us."

I can't speak about parents who have cancer, but my wife and I are closer because of the disease. She has definitely not pulled away! And I am grateful. However, when she was going through treatments, she often did not want to talk with or see other people. I had to screen her calls. Now she is fine with that. Don

Good caution, Jonathan. Thanks for the reminder. Where my wife took chemo, and gets her Zometa IVs, there is a sign that says, "Please do not bring children here because the people here can have depressed immune systems." It just shows how much the little ones bring home. Don

I can't address the specific meds you list, but I do feel that an advocate for the patient has to stay on top of the drug list. Question every med -- what it is for and how much and why that dosage, etc. It is not uncommon for a cancer patient to be on a lot of meds. What we do is put the list on computer, keep it updated, and bring a new copy every time we go to any doctor. If it is the onc or whoever prescribed the drug, we go over it and ask questions. Now that my wife has completed her treatments, we have backed off a lot of stuff, with the knowledge of the onc. I find that a lot of doctors prescribe but don't unprescribe, so it takes diligence on the part of the caregiver to see that this happens with time. You want the pain or other side effect to be taken care of, but you don't want your dad to be taking something that isn't helping or isn't helping anymore. Good luck. Don

Congratulations, Grandma! Wonderful!

Jana, welcome and glad you felt free to share. That is what we are all here on the board for -- sharing, support and info. So hang in there with us. People do survive this disease so keep up hope. That said, you should also do what you can to keep contact with your parents because no one can say how long she has, or any of us, for that matter. God's grace. Don

Go, Dean!

First of all, I agree with you that your dad needs a new onc. But he also needs an advocate and that seems to fall on you. I am glad you are planning to move near him because, if he is living alone, he needs someone near to watch out for him -- appointments, questions, medications, etc. I am my wife's advocate, nurse, pharmacists, etc. The patient with LC is often too sick, too tired, too doped up to fight the battles that need to be fought to get him the best care. I hope you will be able to do this for him. I am glad you expressed your frustrations here -- you need to do that for yourself. Please continue -- there are much support and much info here. One of the hardest jobs in the world is the caregiver to a cancer patient, but it is sorely needed. Hope you will stay in touch here, and I wish you well in helping your dad. Don

Lisa, I am a postgraduate of Wayne State U. Was in Detroit 1960-64. They still have good apples up there? Don