Michele, readcing your post hit me right in the heart. Thank G-d I have not experienced what you have. But I can, and it scares me to pieces. Please know that we can't physically comfort you but sometimes words from strangers can help with the anguish you are feeling.
I am so so glad that you are going for help. Your doctor seems like a wonderful human being to take the time and listen. See, something positive is happening. It is haoppening because you are reaching out for help and it is there for you.
Take one day at a time.... you will heal to a point where you will exsist and become that strong woman agan. It may take awhile as your grief right now is unbearable. But with help you will get through this as you have a wonderful son who would not let you go through this alone.
Your husband is very much with you. He may have left his physical body but his soul is very much alive. He is watching out for his family and somehow I know he will help you through this. Please know that he will always live on through you and all those wonderful memories you made together will last throughout eternity. One day (when the time comes) you will meet again and it will be a glorious reunion.
So this holiday (if you can) take the time to remember all those wonderful Christmas's past and consider yourself so lucky to have those memories and know his memory will live on through you and all his love ones.
My heart to yours,
Maryanne