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melindasue37

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Posts posted by melindasue37

    March 29, 2007

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Muffy,

    I'm so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom.

    Go slow and take it one day at a time. The feelings are so overwhelming right now. You just do what feels right to you and the rest will all work out.

    Thinking of you....

    Warm Hugs,

    Melinda

    Joanie55

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    I was just reading your original post, saw how excited you were about the walk and then your last post just hit me like a brick. I'm so sorry to read this. Please tell your Mom I am thinking about her and praying so hard for her!!

    returning the hall pass

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Hello everyone,

    We got back yesterday afternoon from our Florida trip. It sure is hard to get in the swing of things after being away from so long. My desk is piled with work to do so I can't even catch up with everyone here but hope to do that when I get home tonight and also to give you details of the trip.

    It wasn't the same without Mom there and we had a few difficult moments. One particular one was when my stepdad told my sister and I that he wouldn't be making the trip to Florida alone next year. It seems he is on a mission to replace her. It didn't go over well....I'll catch up with all of you very soon.

    Glad to be back and missed checking the boards to see how all of you are doing.

    Melinda

    Florida pass

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Tomorrow morning I am going to Florida to spend time with my stepdad who has been down there vacationing all winter. I have a brother who lives in Cape Coral so it will be nice to spend time with him too.

    I'll be returning the 27th...no computer for all that time. Yikes!

    All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers...

    Melinda

    This is what makes me smile.......

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    How could a picture like that not make you smile. She is just an adorable little girl. And so lucky to have a Grandma like you, Ann.

    Few can bring the warmth

    We can find in their embrace,

    And little more is needed to bring love.

    Than the smile on their face.

    They've a supply of precious stories,

    Yet they've time to wipe a tear,

    Or give us reasons to make us laugh,

    They grow more precious through the years.

    I believe that God sent us Grandparents

    As our legacy from above,

    To share the moments of our life,

    As extra measures of His love.

    ~Author Unknown~

    a few thoughts about missing Mom

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    It has been 6 months (and one day but who is counting) since Mom passed away. Dealing with her death has been the hardest thing by far I've ever had to deal with. I think about her so much...think so much about her last few days...things I wish I would have said and things I would have done differently. If only one more day...one more time thoughts. Even after 6 months it seems like she is on the winter trip to Florida and will be coming home soon. Sometimes it is just SO hard to believe that she is really gone.

    My sister and I are leaving next Thursday to spend a couple weeks in Florida with my stepdad. I am looking forward to seeing him but also know it is going to be very hard when we get there and Mom isn't there. I look forward to being in the motor home where everything reminds me of Mom. It was her favorite place to be. In fact, when Mom was very close to the end she woke up in the middle of the night and told my sister "Get my boots, I want to go to the motorhome."

    It was one of those nights where she was talking to my Grandma and Grandpa who have already passed so at that point I think she had one foot over in the other world, but even in that state she still wanted to go get in the motorhome.

    I can't help but wonder when I will begin to think about her and all the GOOD memories we had with her. When I talk to my stepdad or my brother/sisters about Mom we can't yet talk about her and smile and laugh because it is just too painful. She was such a bridge for my family. I don't think us girls realized how much we used my Mom as the therapist. We would always call her with all of our problems. She would always know what to say and she'd make us feel better at the end of the phone call.

    My daughter just turned 13 and my son will soon be 14 and I am beginning to realize how difficult it is raise teenagers. I know....it is just beginning for me!! But, I would love to call Mom and tell her that I am finally realizing what all of us kids put her through.

    I didn't mean for this to turn into a big vent post but it seems that I am doing just that so I am going to stop.

    It is just a really difficult day for me....I miss my Mom so very much today.

    Thanks for listening. Ya know, it really does feel good to get some of this out.

    Melinda

    Story.....happy place

    in HOPE

    Posted

    In My 'Happy Place'

    Have you ever lost hope? Leave it to a child to show you the way back. 

    She was sweeter than cotton candy. Her eyes actually sparkled in the light. Either that, or my love for her brought tears of joy to my eyes when I looked at her.

    Her hair swirled around in a fashion any grown woman would pay good money to have. Her hands were tiny and nearly perfect, but for the scratch she had on one from playing with the boys.

    "Boys play hard," she says. "But I can, too!"

    She'll do just fine in the world with that attitude.

    I first saw her when I was staying with my 18-year-old son Keith at the Hershey Medical Center. He was there for another round of chemo. She was there because her older sister had had a relapse with her own cancer.

    I would often walk the halls when Keith was resting. The long journey through cancer begins with the first step in a hospital and often continues while walking the halls in the middle of a sleepless night.

    In the early evening I would sit in an open area where four hallways met. I loved watching people come and go. I would wonder why they were there and who in their life was fighting the big fight.

    This little angel would oftentimes join me there.

    I would smile each time I saw her as she came around the corner. She always carried a small cotton tote bag with pictures of Elmo and the Sesame Street friends printed all over it. Inside would be a collection of her favorite books, a coloring book, and crayons nearly worn to the end.

    I surprised her one day with a brand-new box of crayons in the latest colors.

    She sat there quietly pulling one out at a time never saying a word.

    I waited for a moment and asked, "Do you like them?"

    She smiled at me and said, "Yes, thank you."

    "I couldn't tell if you did," I said to her.

    "Oh, yes, I do. I was just in my 'happy place.'"

    "Your happy place?" I asked.

    Yes," she whispered. "It's where I go now."

    I waited for a moment before fishing for more information. She sat in the big chair, her legs stretched out before her, her book across her lap.

    "What's it like there in your happy place?" I finally asked.

    She smiled and looked around the sitting area.

    "It's bigger than this," she said. "It's a whole place."

    "Why is it happy?" I asked. She wiggled her feet, put her book down, and looked right at me.

    "Nobody is sick."

    Over the next few months, I would see her sitting in that same chair. I met her parents and some of her family. I treasured my time with her because her beautiful spirit helped me to get though the difficult moments.

    Early one evening when my son was very ill and somewhat restless, I walked down to the sitting area in hopes of seeing her there. She was, but she was playing with her friends.

    I sat in the corner removed from it all, lost in thought and in and out of prayer.

    "Where are you?" I heard a sweet voice say.

    "What? What do you mean?" I replied. She was standing next to me.

    "You're here. You need to be in your happy place," she said.

    How do you get there?

    "I don't have one," I replied. How "adult" of me to be so negative in the presence of this love-filled child. "I'm sorry," I said. "Keith isn't doing so well today. Frankly, I'm scared."

    "Well, do you want to play?" she asked.

    I struggled with the thought of having fun while my son was so ill. Then gave in to her bright smile. "Okay," I said.

    "Close your eyes," she urged. "Now, think of the happiest thing you can."

    I pictured the days when Keith was as small as she. I remembered the fun we always had together doing silly things.

    "I see you smiling!" she giggled.

    I opened my eyes and the other kids with her were looking at me. Each had their own special smile that made me feel more relaxed.

    "Do you want to play?" she asked again.

    "Yes, but you know what? I need to go play with my son right now," I said.

    "Does he still play?" she asked.

    "In the story 'Alice in Wonderland,' the Queen said, 'Never turn your nose up at nonsense.' He loves to play even at his age," I told her.

    She nodded her head and said, "He's your happy place."

    She was right.

    I invited her and all of her friends down to meet Keith. After a while you wouldn't have known he was sick. He loves children. The first thing he had asked the doctor the day he learned he had cancer was, "Will I be able to have children?"

    I'm happy to tell you there is no sad ending to this story. Both my son and the child's sister have won their fight.

    Now, nearly ten years later, we are all living in our own happy place.

    I hope you have one, too.

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