crystleshoe

not lung cancer this time but pancreatic cancer. A family friend was dx with this last june. first they gave her about 4-6 months. Then they said she wouldnt make it till X-mas . When my mom was sick we didnt let her know that Judy was doing so poorly because we didnt want her to get down and feel like she was fighting a losing battle so we always just said that she was hanging in and fighting hard. Well we got the call yesterday that she would be gone soon and she passed away early this morning. Today is my parents aniversary and Dad has decided that he wants us 3 girls with him at Good Friday services and then we will go out to dinner so that will be good as we will all be together (again.. in our sadness). I am so sick of crying and being sad(how can there be any tears left?). I am so sick of CANCER. Why is that we never hear of the "bad guys" dying of cancer it seems to be the good, kind and loving people and why in this time of medical advances when we can instantly talk to or visit or buy or find anything with a click of a mouse can we not find a cure for cancer? I guess that this just tells me that I am doing the right thing by doing the Relay for Life. I have been thinking alot about Roads to recovery and volunteering with the cancer society so I guess this is another push to do that cuz maybe I can help someone ease someones pain when this sucky, crappy, good for nothing disease strikes again. I hope that I am strong enough to make a differance. I am comforted by the fact that my mom will be in heaven waiting for Judy. Since Judy was like another daughter to her then Mom can get back to doing what she does best...mothering. Oh well.. sorry about ranting and raving

Fancy ball gown Diamonds high heels New place: Cape Cod

Ann, I think ive found something new to make with dinner. Yummy Thanks

Ry whats your saying? Im stumped

oh Nick I am so sorry for your pain. You responded to one of my first posts and I know that I have always been comforted by your words. I have the same ???? since my mom passed away. My biggest fear is that she is "stuck" somewhere and cant get to her final resting place but then I am reminded that her faith was just too strong for that to happen to her. I am sure your mom is looking down on you with such pride. You are such a kind and gentle man I think you will be a great dad. We are all a sum of our parts and you are part of your mom and she is part of you so I think you will know what to do. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Oh Flowergirlie You have been in my thoughts so much and I have been looking for posts from you hoping to hear some good news. I am so saddened to hear this and I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. You are a strong woman and I am sure your husband is proud of you for all you did for him. Stay strong when you can and when you cant lean on others for support

I can so relate. Easter was my moms favorite. She was in charge of the Easter Lillies for the church and this year my dad is doing it which just seems bizarre to me. The kids in my family are older(grown up) but they always insisted on an egg hunt. Ever since they were little we would hide foil wrapped chocolate eggs and my mom always would hide one in her hair It was so funny to watch 5 grown children hovering over their Mimi to get that one. We only have 1 little kid in the family now and my daughter(21) still wants the hunt but I dont know if I can deal with it. I will be going to church and hoping that I can make it thru, Then we will go put Lillies on her grave and have dinner with my dad and sisters and I am sure at the end of the day I will be emotionally exahusted. Also friday would have been my parents 51st aniversary so we are taking my dad to dinner so he wont be alone but I think its more for us. All we can do is the best we can do and hope that like the saying goes Time heals. I am sending prayers for you to stay stong and have some good memories.

I am so sorry for all you are dealing with now, I too understand the feeling of being lost. My mom was taken from me on Jan 13th. I went through all the motions and sent thank you cards etc.ect. and thought that I was doing well and then the following week I could barely function. If I had a second of alone time I was balling my eyes out. I have now come to the point where I will cry a little each day but it is not so overwhelming anymore. The pain is so deep and the feeling of helplessness was so overpowering that I couldnt even talk about it except for here. Things are a tad better now so there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and know you are not alone in this.

Amanda I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. I am also mad that lung cancer has stolen another. This is the place to be when you need someone who understands your pain. God bless.

no religion.... everybody should believe in something which is worse rain or snow

one thing I will "splurge on is real maple syrup. Since i am newly dx diabetic and if Im going to cheat its gonna be good.

wow Randy what an awesome idea. tommorrow I am getting my deck chairs out of the shed and I think Ill just enjoy some alone time with my thought and Ill hope that my mom is listening.

Peggy, I know the feeling of being helpless. It is so hard to want to do everything you can to "fix" or heal them and hope that it all goes away but unfortunately it just doesnt work like that. I am hoping that you have a good visit with the doctor and you leave there with some good info to fight this. You and your mom are in my prayers tonight

Thank you all so much for the responses. I knew that you guys would understand where I'm coming from. Thanks too for the ideas about the anniversary. I will call my dad and let him decide how to handle it. I think it would be disrespectful to act as if its just another day.

I dont get how I can be fine one minute and the next Im not. Off I go to the grocery store today, singing along to the radio and enjoying a beautiful sunny day, I do my shopping and all is good> i saw my son who works there and we talked about Easter dinner. I check out and by the time I get in the car I am sobbing. I guess just the thought of Easter without my mom set me off. I cant imagine how all of you who lost your wife or husband to this incredibly sucky disease handle it. I also have a question. Mom and Dads wedding anniversary is coming up on April 6th, should I make a point to spend the day with dad or do you think he would rather not make a big deal of it. I am so missing my mom this week. I wish there was a direct line to Heaven so we could call our loved ones when we need them. Now wouldnt that be nice.

I will bring my moms favorite. Chocolate chip forgotten cookies( they are a meringue type cookie that you put in warm oven overnight)

I live in Nh and the best thing is the fall foliage. Driving on the kancamangus hiway in the White mountains while the trees are all ablaze of color is awesome.

you are soooo not a wuss! My Mom was stolen from me on the same day your mom was stolen from you. I have some days that I can barely function and the pain is so deep that I think I cant go on. Then I remember how much my mom loved me and always hated for me to be sad so I try to remember our good times. I think it is a great idea to talk to someone. I know that i feel better when I have the chance to talk about her and the disease. We all grieve in our own way so dont try to rush it. I am praying for you and wishing you well, We are here for you!

oh Flowergirlie I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. I believe that he is lashing out in pain and frustration. Just know in your heart that you have done all you can for him and that it was done out of love. He knows how much you love him and though he may not show it Im sure he appreciates all you have done. You and the kids are in my thoughts and prayers. Life is sometimes hard so go easy on yourself

Today was a great day for me. I havent had one sad moment all day. I have decided to do Relay for Life through the American Cancer Society. I was concerned because I needed to form a team of 8-15 people. My 2 sisters had said they would do it with me so we met at my sisters to choose our theme and plan things. By the end of the day I have 9 people confirmed and 4 more maybe's. My dad wants to do it with us and although he cant walk for 18 hours he will be there manning the tent. Everyone is so excited. But I am the most excited. I think I have been having the hardest time dealing with moms passing(maybe cuz Im the baby of the family or cuz I fought so hard for her life) and now I feel like she is guiding me to this and I feel like it wasnt all for nothing. We have already gotten 125.00 in donations and I feel like I have a purpose again. I feel like im always so sad when I post here so I thought that it would be nice to hear from me when I am happy. Cancer sucks but life is good.

My mom had a real strong reaction to the fentanyl patch also. She was seeing dogs and pink raincoats. I was really freaked when I went in to see her and she was talikng about the dogs that were in the hallway of the hospital. I made the MD change her pain meds and she stopped "seeing things" within hours of the patch being removed.

missy, I am so sorry for all you are going through now. Please know that there are many of us sharing your tears with you and know that you are not alone.

Nicole I am so sorry that your dad was stolen from you by this awful disease. My mom was stolen from me on Jan 13 so I know how you are feeling. I am in NH also Im not sure where you are but send me an e mail if you like. It is so hard to go thru this with out people who know where your coming from so keep posting and talking things out here. This has been a great help fo me.

Thanks I always feel better after hearing from you all.

I think you have a right to be upset.. We were not sure if we could handle eulogies for my mom so my daughter and neices read her favorite bible verse and then the pastor asked a few of our church members and friends to share some thoughts and memories about my mom and it was nice to hear how loved she was.