Debi

Yeah, like being the little servant girl to change the channels when I was a kid. I was my dad's remote control.

Okay, I REFUSE to let Early Stage go a month without someone posting so I will post about me ...... I had my chest xray the other day and got the news that my lungs (I use the term lungs loosely ) are clear yesterday. This time was difficult for me, not that the other times aren't, but for some reason I was convinced that I was having symptoms that something was wrong. Also, January marks 2 years since my doctor found the spot on the xray that turned out to be cancer so that was on my mind. But I'm okay, is that amazing or what?? I went and got a perm yesterday morning, something I have been putting off forever, and was convinced that now that I had gotten the perm and spent the money, my xray would be bad and I would have to get chemo and my hair would fall out. All because I couldn't wait to get the perm till AFTER I got the results and tempted Fate herself. Welcome to one minute inside MY brain..it isn't pretty I tell you!!! I have been mostly away from the board as I was working between 65 and 70 hours a week for part of November and all of December. Last year, it about killed me and I ended up getting bronchitis right after our peak period. This year, I breezed by. I took a week of comp days (the joys of salary of course does not include extra money for extra hours) this week, not to rest, but to get stuff at home done that I couldn't do. What a difference a year makes!!!! I actually feel good, even if I STILL can't wear a damn bra . I've come to the conclusion that life is fragile for everyone, not just us. Its just our constant contact with our cancer reminds us on a daily basis of how fragile life actually is. The guy next to me at the checkout can walk across the street today and get run over by Becky's truck (I think the truck concept is finally sinking in). The only difference between him and I is that he never saw it coming, where I do see it as at least a possibility. But it's okay to be a mere mortal... One of my favorite Christmas gifts is this framed picture that my team at work got me, one that I have always liked. It is a picture of a pond, and a pig taking a dive off of a platform, gliding over the water. The title of the picture is called "When Pigs Fly". THe concept, of course, is that yes, pigs CAN fly, that sometimes the impossible can happen, if just for an instant and maybe not the way that we imagine it to be, but all things are possible. That picture and a wonderful fairy in glass that someone gave me, hopefully will remind me through the next year that there is magic in life. Anyway, I don't recall Ry giving Hall Passes out to the entire Early Stage forum. Come out, come out wherever you are (new people & lurkers most welcome too!!!!!) .............

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list: The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1986. They are ; -Too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. -Their lifetime has always included AIDS. -Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. -The CD was introduced the year they were born. -They have always had an answering machine. -They have always had cable. -They cannot fathom not having a remote control. -Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. -Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. -They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. -They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. -They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. -They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane". -They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. -McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers. -They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

You go Maryann!! Congrats on your 2000th!!!

So, I'm a day late and a dollar short..... Ditto all the above anyway!!!

Cindy, Count me part of the crowd that will be there with you in spirit tomorrow. Hopefully you can fit us all in that tube thing. I wish you the best...

Anais, Your mother was a beautiful woman, I'm sure both inside and out; my sympathies are with you and your brother.

There ya go ladies..I leave for a little while...and you start doubting my stories..... tsk tsk tsk. See how you both are? Thanks for posting Becky... Imagine putting your hand under a rock and grabbing one of those damn monster fish? Actually, it would be preferable to grabbing a snake I suppose. Anyway, as you can see, it was never illegal in Oklahoma, we are SO on the cutting edge of noodlin'.

Cheryl, It's OKAY to be sick and be frightened, like any of us would be, after getting the shock that you did. I have no doubts that you will get over the shock, and come up swinging. You have fought this disease so hard, with everything you've got, that I have no reservations that you will not only keep fighting, but perservere, once again. When I met you in November, I was so impressed Cheryl, that after all you have been through, how vibrant and strong you are. Your strength will help you through this, once again, along with Jack's support. If there is anything I can ever do for you, please let me know, and I am there (just give me extra time since I'm Dallas driving challenged). In the meantime, know that my thoughts will be with you both, every day....

Sandy, Sorry I'm late.... I know how the waiting is..I vote for the drugs, facial and shopping..did anyone say shopping? Try to take some time for yourself in Orlando...I hear Disneyworld is really neat in December. Wishing you only good news..

Cary had asked me to post a link to his father's obituary since several people had requested it. http://www.oregonlive.com/obituaries/or ... 209090.xml

Same here Doug. I have flown several times since my surgery and have had no problems other than my always present terror of flying. As far as breathing and air, no difference at all from before surgery.

Margaret, All best wishes are with you and Jim. Hate to hear it but am glad that he is in the hospital getting the help he needs right now. I'm sure he will be back on his feet in no time....

Kevin, Thanks for posting!! I hope you stick around and keep joining in, we need new members to keep going!!! Even if you don't post in the future, its nice to know you are out there... Welcome "officially"!!

Don, I am sorry to hear of this setback for Lucie. But like all the others before me, I have NO doubt that the two of you will tackle this head on, like you have done with all the other hurdles that have been thrown before you. Tell Lucie we are all rooting for her as always...

Karen & Jana, The perfect holiday gift for you all!! Am so glad to hear the news on your mom...

Thanks for posting Charles!! I had no doubt that your mother would do nothing less than fine for her surgery.. she has too much spunk not to. Tell her now that her surgery is over, she needs to hurry home and help carry the furniture out to the moving van..

Just wanted to wish Muriel good luck for her surgery tomorrow afternoon. I just know that everything will go fine but I am going to think about you all day anyway. You go do what you need to do, and hurry on back to us...

I just wanted to let you all know that Cary lost his dad on Tuesday night. His dad had had septic shock twice which had made him weak and exhausted and then he ended up with pneumonia. I didn't know if was my place to let you all know because he didn't ask me too, but I know that his internet access is limited at best and I'm not sure when he will be able to get on. I know the last time I posted, it helped Cary to know that we were all thinking of him even if he couldn't make it on the board. I decided to post this because I have been thinking of him and his dad alot today and how they fought so hard. It didn't seem right not to recognize this brave man's loss and to give people the opportunity to pray for Cary and his family, maybe that will help a little....

Dean, Congratulations on your 25th anniversary of sobriety!! I remember years ago, sitting in a basement, listening to a speaker who had just found out he had cancer, had lost his daughter the year before and who was going through a divorce. I was incredulous, and fairly puzzled. Why, I thought, why didn't this man just drink again? What was he waiting for...I didn't get it. I didn't realize then what a gift self-respect and dignity were. I think only those people who have lost them and then found them again, understand how precious they are. You have so many gifts Dean, and the best thing is that you are so aware that you do... Hope you had a great day!

I am going to put myself in the minority here also.. When my nodule was first found on an xray, it was around 10mm. I didn't have any past xrays to compare it with so my doctor, after a CT, a PET that didn't light up (I was told that it may be too small to "light up") and after many consultations he had with other doctors and radiologists, suggested I wait 2 months for another CT. IN the meantime he gave me tests to rule out TB, other viral infections, etc. The nodule was too small and in a bad place to biopsy, so waiting was the only suggestion that seemed to make sense. NO one wanted to open me up at that point and operate over something that may have been there forever. I had also lived in Phoenix for a year and supposedly Valley Fever causes nodules that mimic Lung Cancer. SO I waited. Two months later the nodule had grown to about 13mm. By the time I had my surgery it was about 4 months from the initial time they found it. Am I happy that it took that long? NO.. it would have been nice to have it out a little earlier. But I don't regret the initial 2 month wait. It took longer than I wanted because of insurance issues and the need to find a 2nd Pulmonologist as I was not happy with the first. We all have lung cancer here so of course the popular vote is to have the surgery no matter what, but how many people have had unnecessary surgery? Anyway, the pain throws in a different angle... I definitely think you need a second opinion if you are living with constant pain but as far as the waiting issue, I understand your doctor's caution.

Hey, don't you guys go looking for pictures with me in them... it won't break my heart if you don't post any with my hair plastered to my face and my makeup all run off my face from the rain.... Katie's brother's battery didn't die..it was stolen... Cheryl, just let me know where your dropping the film off...

And John, don't forget the immortal words of baseball great Yogi Berra: "Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical" "This is like deja vu all over again." "Slump ? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin." "You can observe a lot just by watching." "He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie. "I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947. "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early." "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else." "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him." "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six." "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much." "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded." "Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time. "I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four." "You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left." "90% of the putts that are short don't go in." "I made a wrong mistake." "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken." "Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost." "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel." How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer." "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." "It ain't the heat; it's the humility." "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase." "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours." "I didn't really say everything I said."

jjoan, I am not a doctor but if I had to guess, I would say that I believe that your mom did not suffer for long. Just from what I have heard, from other people hemorraging..it would have happened quickly. Unfortunately, I don't know how it happened or what may have caused it. I think that anytime someone we love dies alone, we have all these questions and sometimes they will never be answered. Asking them is part of the grieving process. My 90 year old grandmother died alone after falling down one step in her basement and for months afterwards, I kept asking myself and others the same questions over and over. After awhile I felt like a nuisance to others, but I had so many unanswered questions. No one had the answers I so desperately needed. Bereavement counseling does sound like a good idea to get you through the worse times and past the holidays. Wishing you the best...

Becky, My thoughts will be with all of you tomorrow..and especially David....