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(((Kim))) No words seem adequate -- I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Thank you for opening yourself up so much here. What an amazing road you've traveled. It sounds like you are now exactly where you need to be. I'm sure your Tom is very proud of you!

Nova, I know you had a special relationship with Liz. I actually remember the post when she talked about coming to visit Harry in the hospital. I remember how I thought that was such a beautiful thing to do. I know she was blessed to have you and Harry in her life too. I had a long-distance connection. I always felt like she was a female version of Bill! We corresponded some, and I had such a longing to hop on an airplane and spend time with her. She was that kind of person who could draw you in, even if you didn't meet in person. I loved reading her blog. She went out of her way for others. She "walked" her faith. She was a light in the truest sense. She will be deeply missed.

I am so sad to read this. Liz was one of the most awesome people I ever "met." I always thought she was like a female version of my husband. I loved her picture with her pink boa. I loved her attitude. I loved the way she was always trying to brighten someone's day and use her faith to uplift those around her. She was a fighter and a beautiful human being. She was a wonderful writer who could pull you into her world. She will be greatly missed. Heaven has a new angel, but Earth has a great big hole. Prayers for her parents and her kids, who I know she loved dearly.

Grateful to have made a couple key decisions this week. Grateful to be going to church this morning. Grateful that God really can work in any circumstance.

Erin, I'm so sorry for your loss and the sadness you feel now. I can't imagine losing both parents to LC. May you find comfort in your memories and those beautiful babies.

This might be entirely self-serving, and if that's the case, I sincerely apologize. In an attempt to "hear" Bill earlier, I searched this site for his posts. The first one I found was the best one to have found. It was a day when he was especially strong (thanks in HUGE part to Connie . To read the thread, click this link: http://lchelp.org/l_community/viewtopic ... &highlight I was not only struck by the strength, faith and resilience of my husband, but of the same qualities in all of the survivors and many loved ones who responded in honesty. I won't attempt to list the names that come to mind, because in my fog, I'm sure to leave someone out. I think sometimes it might help as we grieve our loved ones to remember their amazing, amazing strength and what they endured trying to stay here with us. And if anyone has writings from other loved ones, I for one would be honored to read them.

A beautiful tribute. It's perfect. Congratulations on your wedding! It's great to know you're doing well.

Hello cdejac, I just answered your first post... 5 weeks is a VERY short time. I'm almost 7 months out, and am dealing with new things always. And people tell me I'm strong! I imagine at 5 weeks, the reality is only just creeping in. The shock of it all is enormous. Those specific issues you described are very difficult. It's so hard that we can't control the end of our loved one's life, even though we know it's coming. I know I felt like my Bill had been through so much already, he didn't deserve anything bad in his last days, but bad things still happened. I do understand the anguish. I hope that in time you will realize that most things were not in your control, and you did the best you could under the most dire of situations. Hugs,

Hello cdejac, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband nearly 7 months ago. You can bet that whatever you're feeling, someone here can relate. Please come for support. You're very early days still. You must be feeling like you're on a roller coaster, or possibly still numb and in shock. Try not to expect too much from yourself. Ask for help from those around you -- sometimes people need to be asked specifically, because they just don't know what to do for you. Do you have family close or children at home? Take care,

I'm so sorry for the situation that you're in, and for the loss of your sister. I would just say to not give up unless you're specifically asked not to call. There could be any number of reasons why she doesn't pick up the phone herself. Do you live close enough that you might invite her to lunch? Do you have anything from your childhood that you might share that would help her know her mother better? The other thing is to write her a card and actually tell her how you feel -- how you feel about the relationship you would like to have, some memories of your sister, etc.

Oh Will -- I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please know there are many here who want to give you support. Be gentle on yourself in these first days. Allow others to help you whenever possible. I'm so sorry,

Happy Birthday Jackie! Grateful for sunshine and for my friend Susanne. Ran into her at Trader Joe's this morning, and in her typical fashion, she spontaneously invited me to dinner with she and her family tonight. Looking forward to it. Grateful that I finally found a piece of Bill's clothing that I can cuddle with and actually find comfort -- an old leather bomber jacket. As always, grateful for Jackie and others on the board.

This is not a saying, per se, but an excerpt from the book Bill was writing - I believe it fits the topic. "...when I accuse myself of being selfish and stupid, even guilty of wasting my life, I am passing judgements about myself that are not necessarily shared by anyone else, especially those people who know me (one assumes they also like me). My life, it would appear, also exists in the thoughts and feelings of other lives. And most important of all is how their view of my being is quite different from my own. I do, in fact, exist in more than one place and in more than one form. The image of me (the whole me) that is familiar to my daughter in England, though different than the image I have of myself here in America, is an accurate one as far as she is concerned. Although she experiences me in a way that is at odds with how I experience myself, she experiences me nonetheless. And she will continue to experience me long after I am dead and gone. I could not wipe myself from the face of the Earth even if I tried—so what chance does cancer have? " - Bill Wareing, April 2007

I think it's inexperience. We had something similar happen in our church while Bill was here -- a seminary student was giving a sermon one Sunday (one of his first). It had to do with our response to trials. We weren't the only ones offended. He learned. I think when people are speaking or writing to a group (particularly in a church), that if they're going to talk about a topic like grief, they either need to have experienced it, or they need to solicit content from someone who has. I think that's probably what upset you -- that someone who doesn't understand your pain was trying to suggest an appropriate response. You know what? There's nothing wrong with telling her so.

Lillian, So happy for you that you're having such a good visit with your family. Enjoy every last moment of it, and drive safely on your way back home!

I can't really imagine how either of you must have felt on that day, one year ago. No words, except I'm so sorry.

Sheri, Wishing you a sense of comfort. Sometimes I think people make a mistake in looking for signs from their loved ones who have passed (seems an odd thing for me to say after my recent post, but I firmly believe this). My Bill did that for a long time when his mum died. I can't say he ever lost hope in life -- not at all, but he was always waiting for and wanting a sign. One night a year or more after she passed, he had a dream that brought him comfort, and he stopped looking after that. I do absolutely believe in eternal life, but I still suffer depression and doubt sometimes. I often find I get the greatest comfort when I open myself up more to those around me who are still here. Never forget, Sheri, your dad is alive in you. I look at my beautiful step-kids, and I see Bill. I see pieces of him in each of them. It makes me sad, it brings me comfort, and gives me a sense of awe all at once. What did your dad love? Explore that a bit. What kind of music did he enjoy? Buy some and listen to it. Find him in your everyday. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Thank you, Jackie. Yes, God never promised us an easy road. He did promise to walk beside us and lead our way if we call on Him. Learning to do that day by day...

Will, I'm so sorry to hear what you and Diana are going through. I know it's absolutely heartbreaking for you, to say the least. Thinking of you...

The sun is shining here again, after some bad storms. Grateful that I had the freedom to help my niece out with her little ones yesterday, because she was sick and needed to sleep. Grateful for my friend, Isabel, with whom I'll have lunch today (lost her husband 20 yrs ago, and is my biggest inspiration on how to truly live again). Grateful that everyday is a new start. Looking forward to Jackie's thoughts on her book...

Happy Birthday, Bev! I know you already know how much you're loved and will be remembered always. I know you and Bill are up there exchanging stories. (Bev and Bill had a phone conversation early in their diagnoses -- there's a special bond there.) Much love to you, Bobby.

Just a quick "thank you" for sharing your stories and for your anniversary wishes. I looked at a bunch of cards we had given each other throughout the years -- cards for all occasions. I can't count the number of times we each used the word "forever." Wishing you all increased peace in your journey through grief. For all of you survivors and loved ones who faithfully support those in this section, I'll say it again -- I don't know how you do it. You're all amazing. Today Bill and I would have been married 12 years. We were soul mates for more like 17 years. That's not as long as many other people, I realize, but I think I would feel his absence with this excruciating agony if we had been married only 6 months. When you find a soul mate, it's timeless. I always hoped we'd somehow manage a 50th anniversary. I went out earlier and had a massage. I returned home to a message on my machine. I listened to it. Just static noise. I listened to it again -- it actually sounds like an old rotary phone when you dial, except this was through static. I checked the caller ID listing -- no one has called the phone since last night. I checked the other phone just to make sure -- same info. Back up about 15 years. I was going through a particularly difficult time in my life -- and something significant happened on one particular day that threw my life into turmoil. Late that night I received a phone call about 3:00 am. It was just a static clicking noise (different from what I have now). I thought it odd, went back to sleep and didn't think about it. That morning I went into the office. I had a message. The time listed was around 3:00 am (same as the other). The message was the identical noise I'd heard the night before at home. There was no caller ID then. Without question, I had decided it was my late Grandpa -- he had died only a year or so prior. I was certain he was telling me things would be ok. I was particularly close with both of my grandparents. But I always told Bill he was like my Grandpa's long lost twin of another age. They had so many of the similar quirks that no one else has -- good and bad. They never met, but Bill always referred to him as "Howard," as if he knew him. Bill was the first person I told when I got the phone message -- he believed me immediately, and always told the story. Back to today. I know we all have our own beliefs, and of course we all want signs and messages -- me included. But I don't look for them. Sometimes I'm struck by something, but I'm very careful not to blow something into something it's not. I believe that Bill is with God -- 100%. I believe he's got better things to do than lurk around -- I believe he's on to his next purpose, and that he's literally in the presence of Jesus. I also believe God allows our loved ones to connect when we need it most in a manner that we'll recognize. I think that may be what's happened. I wasn't going to post today, as I'm trying very hard not to distract myself in anyway. I needed to share this and say thanks for the supportive PMs and other notes. Of all those special days on the calendar, nothing even comes close to our anniversary -- I think because it's just ours. Thanks for listening,

I am grateful for options -- not everyone has options, and I forget that sometimes.

Prayers and thoughts for you, Katie. Sending a virtual cup of chicken soup your way...