rinksgal

Norme, None of us expect you to be online, this is the time you need to spend with Buddy.I pray that god will be with both of you! I'm glad he is able to sleep peacefully! My Prayers are so much with you!! I think of you daily. I am not on here much right now. Darrell is feeling pretty good for now and I spend all my spare time with him. I don't want to waste a minute. So we all do understand! Love and Prayers Norme!!! Christy

Shellie, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this again!! Cancer is bad enough to deal with once!!!! And now your Dad! I wish I knew what to say to you, but I won't lie I don't know what to say. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through you. I know it must be hell and I can barely deal with this myself with Darrell. To me they don't make enough drugs to get us through something like this. Because you want the worry and pain you feel inside to just go away, we want their cancer to just go away!! We want it to be some horrible nightmare and hope that we'll wake up and it will all just be gone, and the ones we love will be well again! Not fighting for their life! But for some reason someone has other plans and its not in our control!! I think thats what makes cancer so hard, its not like we can take medicine and make it better or have surgery and thats the end of it, or eat different and were ok again. Cancer is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life. Someone I love most having to go through so much, and worrying that they still might not make it. The worrying and the waiting is so unbearable. Just know we are all there for you. I hope I haven't made things worse. I am just so sorry you and your family has been dealt with this horrible thing "cancer" again. I will hope and pray for the best for your dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean that with my whole heart Shellie!! Tell him we are all thinking and praying for him! and you too Shellie!! Please keep us posted with updates when you have time. "Tons of Hugs" Christy

Marlon I am so sorry to hear your mother lost her battle with this horrible disease! She is at peace now, and you were the best son any mother could have wished for! I have 3 sons of my own, and I know you gave her your all, and trust me she knew it too!! Just remember she will forever be in your heart! You were a great son!! I pray that god will help you through this time and lessen your pain!! Take Care of yourself!! I will be thinking about you! Christy

Oh My God Nancy I am so very sorry for you!!! I once tried to get Darrell involved on the message board, and I told him about David. Being they were the same age and their stages were similiar! I am truely sorry! I wish I could make your pain go away!! He will be missed by all of us!! May God be with you and your family!!! Christy

Thanks everyone for commenting, I wish I had more time on here, I always vented here alot.. and tried to offer support to others, but I just don't have the time. You know I hate to complain about his kids, and I understand him not wanting to ride them, He doesn't know how long he will be around and I'm sure he doesn't want to spend what time he has fighting with them. So I just do everything, and keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I think I bite my tongue so hard, It just about falls off! lol I never knew I had it in me to control my mouth! I also don't complain hardly to him about it. That would just keep him upset, and I don't want that. I could really write a book, maybe we should get together. Thanks for everyones advice and caring!! Christy

Norme that is such great news, I'm glad you had this day with him and I am praying for more of the same for you and buddy!! You are in my thoughts and prayers daily!! My love to the both of you! Christy

That is true that they don't like to admit to someone having radiation pneumontis. Why I'm not sure, but the regular oncologist's intern told us that is what he has and then his oncologist agreed. Like Darrell says as long as hes alive he doesn't care about anything else, if they can treat it. They also mention alot of scar tissue forming. They talked about putting darrell on steroids, but chose the inhaler instead.His Oncologist didn't really want him to go on them if at all possible. From things I'm reading I'm wondering if he shouldn't see a pulmonary Doctor? How would Darrell benefit from seeing one if he does? Don't know if I could talk him into that or not, hes never seened one to my knowledge. and what is a nebulizer? Is that the same as an inhaler? Norme, Darrells kids were in their rooms, one playing playstation, and the other one on the internet. Just to keep peace, I just do everything. Lord forbid if you asked them to do anything. I had asked his son the day before about unplugging the ditch which was causing water to run off into our yard, his answer was "ahh Dad can do it." I commented with (yea right) but this was before we realized it caused the basement to flood which has never flooded in the 50 years Darrell had lived here. Guess all of the heavy rain carried debry down and blocked it..Those kids of his are the most worthless and I hate to say but will have a lot of regrets!! If they were mine I would kid their behinds!! His son did empty the dishwasher yesterday which shocked me to death. I've never asked him to do that, and didn't even know he knew how! lol Since I posted the furnance went out again, this time something to do with a ground wire. Temp here this am was 0 degrees. Thank God for the one wall heater we have. I'm like you Norme, What is normal anymore! Not my life, but I'm just glad hes doing as good as he is for now. I am praying for you and buddy too, and everyone else on this site.. Better get off of here, I have things to do before I go back to work...all of our outside hydrants are froze up so now I have to carry buckets of water outside for the pigs and animals... oh well just another lovely day at rinkerville! Thats what we call the farm. Thanks everyone for your comments. I'll try to spend more time on here, just doesn't seem to be much these days.

Well Darrell had another ct scan this past monday and we saw the regular oncologist on Thursday. He had some more shrinkage on the largest lymphnode tumor. It went from 1.4 x 1.8cm to 1.2 x 1.2 cm.. They also admitted that the place they thought might be a new tumor and the reason for them doing a scope about a month ago. They now say is radiation damage. They say there is damage to the right lower lobe and the left upper lobe. They say he has radiation pneumonitis. They also said his pleural effusion is still stable and that his rt.lung is more collapsed. Not completely though. Places on liver haven't changed and they still say probably cysts. They plan to do nothing for 2 months, unless something develops on this end. They gave him albuterol inhalers to use to help with his cough. He has also been on antibiotics twice. Can someone tell me their experience with radiation pneumonitis? and can this alone kill him? They said it will get worse before it gets better. He finally got his appetite back now and he is actually feeling pretty good. Still no wind, and not alot of energy. If anyone can give me some insight on this I'd appreciate it. Christy p.s. I haven't been on here much lately and I apoligize to everyone for this. We had 10 inches of water in our basement in which this gave me added work, It caused us to lose one freezer and the furnance was out for 2 days, no hot water for 2 days either!Not to mention all the damage to everything we had stored there. I had to go unplug a drainage ditch that had gotten blocked from all of the rain,at night in the dark, if I didn't do it then, it would have froze over night, and the water would have never drained out of the basement, because tempatures were starting to drop. Also my kids were here to visit over Christmas.. Due to Darrell being so sick I hadn't been to visit them.I know they are young adults now, but I still missed them so much..9 months that is the longest I've gone without seeing them!! Christy

Norme, I will be praying hard for the Irressa to work!! Please keep us posted on how you both are doing! I think about you guys all the time! Love and Lots of Prayers Christy

Annie I'm so very sorry to hear this.. My prayers are so very much with both of you!! Christy

My boyfriend just turned 50 last April and they found his cancer May 7. He had his upper rt lobe removed. He also has adenocarcinoma poorly differentiated. The others are right this will be a roller coaster ride.. There will be bad and good and the waiting..The waiting sometimes is the worse. Darrells cancer right now appears to be stable. He has some lesions on his liver, but they have yet to biopsy them to see if they are cancer or not. He also has several lymphnodes with cancer in them, his chemo and radiation shrunk them about 50% We get another ct scan in about 2 weeks. Right now he is feeling the best hes felt in months. We have been taking advantage of this. I haven't been on here much do to spending good quality time with him. My heart goes out to you and I pray that God will give you the strengthen. This isn't an easy ride..Some days I don't think I can do it, but I have to be strong for him..This message board has been there for me and they will be there for you too. Sometimes I just sound off when I feel like I'm losing control. So many people have given me such good advice and they will for you too..I wish you and your son the best of luck and I will be praying for both of you... Christy

I'll send extra prayer for you! What terrible news! Keep us posted. Christy

Norme I am so sorry!! I don't know what else to say, except my prayers are with you guys constantly!!! I haven't been on here for a while, but when I saw your post I had to tell you I'm thinking of you. Love Always! Christy

No date is set yet, he says he will pick it the date..which is fine with me. So I've waited this long I'll be happy with whatever he picks...I just don't want to wait real long...You know? I love this man so much!!! I just want the whole world to know.. I was teasing him and said now little rink (the dog) won't be a ba____d any longer! he laughed!! I think he should be in the wedding!! I don't want anything elaborate I just want to be his wife in name and thats all that matters to me. Other than him beating this cancer. Its really made christmas better!! I was beginning to hate Christmas time. I have lost others at christmas...It used to be by favorite time of the year!! Thanks to everyones congraulations.. Its very appreciated!! Most of my post on here is me being a basketcase and I thought this would be a different tune for a change coming from me... Merry Christmas and Love to you all Christy

I didn't know where else to put this. To me its the best news, the only thing better could be Darrell being cancer free!! He asked me to marry him today! This totally took me by surprise. I had no idea he was gonna do this!! I know this isn't cancer related but I had to share it with all of you that have been such a support for me...I've wanted this for soo long! We've been together over 5 years. I already feel like his wife. I'm so happy right now I just had to share.. Talk with everyone later... Christy

Shirley is right! I too had chest pains.. I was afraid it was heart pains.. But after being on a couple of types of medicine. I guess my doctor was right, it was stress related. I was having anxiety attacks. I was so stressed yesterday before taking Darrell to the pulmonary doctors to get the bronoscopy done and I actually called my doctors office to cancel an appointment I had. I didn't think I'd have time before we needed to leave for Columbus. Well I explained to her my appointment was at 10:00 for that day. She said "well we have you down for the 18th." I kind of laughed at her and mentioned something about her having as bad of a day as me and then I said TODAY IS" the 18th.. Well it made her think for a minute, and then she says no "ITS THE 11th!"... Talk about feeling stupid. I laughed and actually lost my tongue for a minute and told her well guess I'm having an even worse day than I thought!! I told her well maybe you'd better not cancel my appointment then for next week. I still laugh about this... Our health is soo very important and it is so easy to neglect ourselves! Inculding me. I wait till I'm at the end of my rope... Not good to do though. Christy

Good luck Norme!! Christy

Nancy I'm truely sorry to hear about your problems. Even if he doesn't eat it is very important to push the fluids which you sound like your doing. Darrell during and after his radiation( which he had 33) he couldn't eat and had trouble even drinking..He became dehydrated twice, he finally made hisself at least drink! Darrells lost 40 pounds during this time. Hes gained some back, but one week he lost 12 to 14 pounds.. he wasn't eating or drinking. Also don't neglect yourself, that is so easy to do. You really should take time and see your own doctor and get on some antidepressants. I couldn't deal with this at all if it wasn't for mine. Also if you get on some and they don't work, go back and tell your doctor that. Because my doctor had to change mine and put me on something else, which is working and she said she could even up it if it doesn't work, to call her or come back in.. We have to keep ourselves healthy in order to help them. Many have given me that advice and I truely know how hard that can be at times!! I still struggle! But hang in there and pm if you ever need someone to talk to. Nancy I will say some prayers for you and David! Christy

Norme I'm so glad to have you back!! and I will take your advice that you just gave us all!! Also I put a post for you on the one you responded to of mine. "Visit with Oncologist" So I won't write a alot more stuff here in this one.. Take Care and Take care of Buddy and tell him I am praying for both of you!! Love and Hugs!! Christy

Norme, Thanks so much for your concern. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to this. You have so much on your shoulders the way it is. I also want you to know that I am so very sorry about the news you and Buddy received. It just saddens me to no end what this disease does to so many of our friends and loved ones!! I wish I could give you a hug! We would probably cry together! Sometimes tears help! Norme I hope you know that I have thought about you every single day! Its nice to hear from you! and here you are with all of your own troubles and your showing your love and support to many of us!! I wish I could help you too! Anyways as far as if Darrell has a met to his lung, I asked them what they would do.. Darrell was worried about more surgery. He didn't want to go through that again, but says he would. But I didn't think they would due to his lymphnode involvement. They talked about doing some kind of lazer thing where you go in and bust it up? have you heard of this?I'm not sure what it is called. But Darrell was relieved to hear this.. I personally distrust doctors more and more. I think they say what they think you want to hear, and they second guess everything and sugar coat the rest!! I mean look at you and Buddy, he even had ultrascans on the liver and they said it wasn't cancer. Now you say hes got 2 liver mets..That even makes me think more that Darrells liver lesions will in the end be found to be mets! I hope I'm wrong, but I have never felt good about this and his cough is worse today. I'm hanging tough, and losing it on occasions, the same emotional wreck I always am.. But I'm doing ok seriously...Thank Goodness for my own pills! and you are so right sometimes losing it and worrying just about consumes every bit of strengthen we have in us... I'm sorry this is so long, I'm just so very glad to hear from you!! You have been in my prayers! Sometimes I just wonder if God is listening??? Take care and keep in touch!! Love Ya Norme!! Christy

Ry, thanks for letting us all know about Buddy and Norme, I too have worried about them!! I'm so sorry to hear about Buddys cancer and them not being able to get it all... My Prayers are with you "Norme and Buddy" if you read this, just know I'm thinking about you and praying for you too!! Oh how I hate this disease!! and what it does to everyone that has it and to everyone that loves someone that has lc... Prayers to us all!! Christy

I want to say thanks for everyones responses...I haven't been on here much.. It seems like the more things that happen or go on, the only way I deal with it best is to stay busy, busy and busy! Not that I don't have plenty to do already! As of Monday we still hadn't heard from anyone about when they were gonna do this test. So Darrell called the oncologist office and the pulmonary place called back a few hours later with an appointment for thursday.. He will be heavily sedated.. Hes not looking forward to this test. The one thing I told Darrell is if they in anyway think you could have pneumonia then why didn't they put you on antibiotics? It makes no sense to me. I'm assuming they don't think that, because if so they sure have let him go a long time without any... His cough his worse but not severly worse. I too wish there was a way to make the waiting days go away, I love to just sleep them away! but then again I guess those would be wasted days that I could have spent with Darrell...I want every day we have left spent together and I hope there are many!! Thanks for the hugs sometimes I sure could use one!! Dean you are right I'd rather them take a week rather than make a mistake! I mean I just want the best care for him! Anyways we go thursday for the scope, and then next tuesday we will see the radiation oncologist, and thursday the regular oncologist. Guess we will know more then... Thanks to everyone for their concern and prayers and sorry it took me so long to get back with everyone!! Christy

Darrell's oncologist today said he either has pneumonia, a partially collapsed lung, or its cancer in his lower right lobe...They will biopsy while in there and look at everything. Either Monday or Tuesday they are doing that scope test through his mouth into his lungs, to find out exactly whats going on... Can't they tell with the ct results? I don't understand this.. I mean I'm worried because we were sent home and don't know, especially after I read stuff on the net about collasped lungs..Why didn't they just put him on antibiotics? Does all of this mean they really think its cancer? I mean we have to wait until the first of the week? I'm scared to death!! I've seened on here where someone gets pneumonia and and then just suddenly dies and never recovers... I'm so damn scared and I can't let him know how scared!!!!I'm not sure what I want them to find out??? Also on this ct scan Darrell had understood them to say the paratracheal lymph node had shrunk more but according to the ct scan report which we got a copy of today. Says on the last ct scan at the end of Oct measured 1.3 x 1.7cm and on the new one measured 1.4 x 1.8cm ..The report says not significantly changed!! Well to me it means it grew!!! Am I nuts?? Am I reading things wrong??? They also say he has a stable moderate-sized right pleural effusion. To me there is nothing stable about this whole damn report!!! Oh My God! I don't want to do this!! I hate holidays!!! I hate happy people with no worries!!! I'm sitting here crying I'm just so scared!!! Hes sleeping right now with little Rink!! Any information on any of this would be so appreciated!!! I need knowledge on all of this!! I need to know what to expect... and what could happen because of what this could be.. the collapsed lung, and or pneumonia... is there things I need to watch for until the appointment that could mean a trip to hospital sooner or doctor?? This is the worse thing I've ever dealt with in my whole entire life!!! Its just pure Hell!!! Christy

I'm so very sorry for your loss!! I don't know what else to say other than in some ways your post helps restore a little of my loss faith. That there is life after death. I've always believed in God, but I've had so many bad things happen in my life, that I find myself doubting God, but inside I believe and when I hear things like this it really helps me to believe... May God be with you and your family.. Christy

I have been worried about Norme and Buddy. If anyone has heard from them please let me know how things are for them... I'm worried about them.. Maybe I've just missed a post somewhere.. I haven't had a lot of time lately to be on here.... Love to all Christy