I can totally relate. Life will never be the same. I want to turn back the clock too. When that bad photo album starts playing in your mind (that's the best way I can describe it), sometimes it's almost impossible to stop it.
It's amazing how so many things I used to think were important, just are so trivial now. Priorities change, forgiveness comes more easily, and I love you is said more often. And for that I am grateful. I try to redirect my thoughts, count my blessings, I pray, and I come here now. You are not alone in those feelings.
Hopes and prayers to you and your family,
Lisa