lilyjohn

Prayers from here too. God Bless you both and look after you. Lillian

> > > 2004 Weekly Workout Routine > > > Everyone has made a resolution to begin an exercise >program. >Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following: > > Monday >Beat around the bush >Jump to conclusions >Climb the walls >Wade through the morning paper > > Tuesday >Drag my heels >Push my luck >Make mountains out of mole hills >Hit the nail on the head > > Wednesday >Bend over backwards >Jump on the Band Wagon >Run around in circles > > Thursday >Advise the President on how to run the country >Toot my own horn >Pull out all the stops >Add fuel to the fire > > Friday >Open a can of worms >Put my foot in my mouth >Start the ball rolling >Go over the edge > > Saturday >Pick up the pieces. > > Sunday >Kneel in prayer >Bow my head in thanksgiving >Uplift my hands in praise >Hug someone and encourage them. > >Whew! What a workout! > >Hope your new workout will >make a difference for you! >HAPPY NEW YEAR! > > >Author unknown > > > > >

Adam Get your dad to the doctor now. Don't wait the time you have to wait on them won't be any less if you wait, but you will be getting the answers later by not going now. Oxygen is a good thing to have in case it is needed. There are just so many variables in this situation that you need to know what is going on and why. It could be the nodule or it could be an infection causeing the wheezing sound. It could aslo be caused from a medication.. Some medications cause bronchial spasm and that has a similar sound.. Also question the doctor about the oxygen use and the proper sittings. Too high a setting in some cases can make the condition much worse especially if the blood gasses are out of balance. There are just so many reasons to see his doctor. It doesn't pay to speculate and ask questions of us here. We know some things but we do not know your dad's condition like his doctors should. Take him there, ask questions and get answers. Make sure you keep a record of everything told to you and get copies of test results. If you are not satisfied with his doctors explaination or you feel he is being too cold or not forthcoming enough get an other opinion.. Please what ever you do do it now. Time can mean so much and things can change so quickly. One other suggestion. If your dad is having a problem breathing ask his doctor if he might not take Theodour. It is a long term medicaion in the treatment of asthma and makes it easier to breathe. I hope I have helped some. I wish I could relieve your mind and take your fears away but I can't. I can only offer advice and my best advice is find out now. If it is something you fear you have more time to fight it. If not then you can rest your mind sooner. I will be praying for you. I really admire the way you are there for your dad. Lillian

Lori My heart goes out to you. I too know what you are going through. You have to have been there to really understand. Feeling lost and the feeling of waiting were two of the strongest feelings that I have had to live with. Even now over a year sense my Johnny died those feelings come at me out of nowhere. I lost my Johnny on December 2,2002 so I know how much the timing can make it seem even worse. Everyone is celebrating and you wonder "how can they when the world has ended?" I won't tell you that the pain goes away. I think you would know that is not true. It just eventually gets bearable. First just for a few minutes and then later for a few hours. I had to get past the aniversary dates of his last days and death before I could acknowledge that I am not having a nightmare that this is reality. My reality. It was very hard to accept and at times still is. One thing I do know and you must remember. That is to grieve don't try to stop it. If you feel like crying cry. If you feel like being alone with your pain find away for a few minutes to do that. It is by the process of grieving and the pain that you will finally start to be able to handle what has been taken from you. Like Shirley has said our loved ones are not gone, just in a better place that is close enough to us to still be watching. They know we grieve and our grief is bitter at times. They also know that we honor them with our grief. Being with other people is when I still feel more alone than ever. I find my comfort in the things that God has made. Things that man can not have made in billions of years. By letting myself feel the pain and that I am a part of nature that God has made I know that God exists. I know too that my Johnny is watching over me. You are never alone. When you get down come here. There are many of us who are walking the same road you are. Maybe we are a little farther along that road but many of the pot holes are still there for us too. We can share and I have learned that in sharing with those who have been or are in the same spot lightens the load of our grief. God bless you and look after you and you beautiful children. You will always have a part of you love in them. Lillian

Thanks Annie You and your husband have been in my thoughts and prayers. I know you are having a rough time right now. I only hope that time proves to be on your side. You were one of the first people I heard from when I posted my first frantic post on this board. I will always be grateful. Now I have so many friends. I no longer feel all alone. Ann and Shirley and so many others have befriended me. I read and feel all of your stories, the strength and compassion I see here never ceases to amaze me. I just want to ask you one thing. When will we see a picture from you? Take care and hang in there.. Keep the faith and love with all you have it is what makes a difference and what makes life worthwhile. Lillian

Donna I recieve numerous things everyday by email. Everyone has something that they want to have forwarded. None have said so much and to the point in so few words. Would you mind if I copied that story and used it to start a forward to the people that I correspond with..? I know many who could use that kind of eye opener! Lillian

Great idea! As one who writes pages I promise to keep it short when that is set up. By the way I have yet to see the wall of memory. Is it complete yet or am I just missing it somehow?

How true those words are!!!!!!!!!

I can not log onto the internet without first coming here. It seems I have become addicted to this site. If so I can not think of a better thing to be addicted to. Over the past few months I have read and shared many heartaches and fears here. I don't know if what I am feeling now could be called healing but I know it can be called Hope. I was so unsure of myself when I made the move here. Now when I get up each morning and look out my window my heart becomes so much lighter. I'm not sure if it is the place or the people who I have "met" here probably both. For the first time sense Johnny's death I can not only see but feel the beauty that surounds me.. I find so much peace in that. This morning there is still a thin layer of ice on my car and the yard still has traces of the light snow that fell early yesterday evening. The sky is a deep crystal blue and the hills with the evergreens against that shy takes my breath away with the beauty I see before me. I have so much to be thankful for. I still have to worry about finding employment in the next few weeks but that does not seem so overwhelming any more. I seem to feel Johnny with me now more than I have sense the first months after his death while I lived alone and heartbroken in a stange but beautiful place. Maybe he was there to help me through that and waited here for me to find both him and myself again. I can not know that for sure but I feel him and know that our love still exhists. That along with the beauty and serenity I find here help me to go forward. All of you give me the support and strength that I need to make it through the hardest times.. Thank all of you. I am very UP now but I know too that the LOW will come again and when it does I can count on the friends I have found her to pull me through. My love and thanks to all of you once more. Let life continue and make us all stonger in the coming months. Lets keep working and hope that someday soon there will be no need for this section of the message board. Lillian

Hey Shirley Do you know anything about hooking up a dryer vent? I could sure use some extra muscle to move out my washer and dryer and get that done! Just kidding but isn't it nice to be able to do that for a change? Maybe there is hope for us yet. Lillian

It was showing at first. Maybe I didn't add my signature that time. Lets check when I post again and see what happens. If it doesn't show then please fix it. Thanks a lot. Lillian

I forgot to mention the other "person" in the picture is Misty. She is an 8 pound little gremlyn who thinks she is a husky she might turn into Mighty Dog and make me beg for mercy if I don't mention her!!!!!!!!

I finally got my scanner working and sent Rick the pictures to post. The one of me and Johnny was taken in August 2002 just 3 weeks after he started chemo. Believe it or not that was the thinnest his hair got. It just turned from silver to white and he lost about half of it. Then as Fay and others have said it started growing back like peachfuzz. He called it the "Frizbies". Later it started turning black! The picture of him alone was taken in 1993 when he was 60 years old. It is one of my favorites he was sooooooooo handsome! I had to post the one of us together too. My niece took it and sent it to me telling me that she had never seen me look so happy. The reason for that was because I never had been. Hope you all like them and don't mind that I sent two instead of one.I just couldn't chose. I thought Rick would decide witch one to use but was really glad to see he used them both. Thanks Rick! Lillian

I am so very sorry Allison. The pain right now is terrible I know. We are all here for you when you need a shoulder or just want to remember and cry. That is one thing I have learned about this board, no matter what kind of support you need you will find it here. Nothing in the grieving process is unacceptable. We have our own way to handle it but the people here are always ready with a hug and prayers. Stay with us and let us support you in your dark days. Lillian

Good news to start 2004!!!!!!!! Let's keep it coming we are all ready for a lot more. Best of luck Dave.

That is great Shirley One step at a time we become part of the world again. Isn't it wonderful to feel that you can actually do something?? I am learning more every day and am so thankful for that. Keep up the good work and the self pride. They look great on you!! Lillian

Mo Sometimes good news leaves us expecting the next shoe to fall. In otherwords we are so used to hearing bad news it is hard to accept the good. That can cause stress and anxiety and many of the symptoms that you are experiencing. Still it is better to be safe than sorry. I doubt your doctor would tell that kind of lie but again I have little faith in doctors where lung cancer is concerned. I will tell you too that I had the flu last month. It too caused many of the symptoms that you are having. Could be that or a combination of things. Think positive, don't borrow trouble and if you can't see your oncologist go to your regular MD and see what he can tell you.. It is possible too that the good news made you overdo a little on your special day not long ago. Keep that in mind as you search for answers. God Bless you. Stay positive and know that we are all here for you when you need us. Lillian

January 2,2004 Positive attitude can lead to enjoyment of a situation that could otherwise be stressful. That is just one of the lessons I have learned over the past few days. I was snowed in for several days without power or heat. All in all I managed quite well under the circumstances. I decided that when the opportunity came I would go into town and get some additional supplies just in case it happens again. Instead of doing that I put it off waiting for my niece to go with me. Big mistake!! Pat has a heart of gold but she is a procrastinator. If she can put something off she does. She has a greater need to go into town than I do. Her power is still off. She needs supplies and has business to take care of. Still with a window of two days she put off going.. This morning I woke up to see once more the snow falling. Going down to Redding today is out of the question. I could let the situation cause me alarm or frustration but I will not do that. I see it as an opportunity and a blessing. It was not supposed to snow again until tonight. It came about 14 hours early. It could have came only 6 hours early and caught us on the road and left us stranded!! I am believing more everyday that I am being looked after and guided by both Johnny and God. I am not sure how long the snow will last this time. It could possibly be over soon or it could be another several days. The power could go off again. If it does I will make out fine. It was Pat's idea to move here and I followed with a lot of reservations. I am quicky starting to believe that I am better equiped for this life style than she is. Should the power go off again I will tuck myself in and enjoy the beauty and the solitude. The time will be spent letting my mind wander and documenting my experiences once more. I find that by relaxing in semi darkness (at least this time I will have batteries for light) my thoughts lead to productive ideas. I have taken my story "The Christmas Tree Saga" and made a few changes. Not in content but the number of words. It now looks more professional. I have found a place where I may be able to have it published. If so I will be happy and should the day ever come where I may make a little profit from my writing I will dedicate at least 5% to our message board. I know life has a purpose. Maybe I have suffered so much loss so I could find mine. I am hoping that I am right about that. Believing it helps soothe my battered spirit. So I say that I have learned new lessons. They are: Adversity makes me stronger, take joy wherever you can find it, depend more on myself than others, I am much stronger than I ever would have thought myself to be and above all life is filled with lessons. I have paid a heavy price for my love for Johnny. At times I have asked God why. No matter what the reason I know one thing for sure as I may have said once before, the love we shared was and is priceless!! On that note I will close and say that may this new year bring us all peace, love, joy and enlightenment!

Sense this is a place for sharing humor I wll share a part of my Johnny with you. He was born in Oklahoma and tho gone from there for nearly 60 years never lost all of his accent. He had a keen sense of humor and even tho his public schooling ended in his sophomore year he was well read. He never was one to let a loss of words cause him a problem. When he first started the process of being diagnosed an appointment was made for him to see a urinologist. When reporting the news to his daughter-in-law he forgot the name of the specialist so without missing a beat instead of saying he was going to see a urinologist he said"They have me and appointment with a Peterologist"!!!!!!!!!! It's nice to remember his humor. He was one in a million! That's my Johnny!

Amen!!!!!!!!!! I couln't have survived this last year without my faith. When it was at it's lowest point I was lifted up by the love of God. I believe and that is the only thing that can keep me going.

Misty my little half miniture pug and half wire terrier(Johnny called her his little Gremlyn) says if clover is in good shape maybe she can whip him now if he is under 200 pounds!! She only weighs about 8 pounds but she thinks she is a Husky!!!!!!!!! Anyway welcome home Clover. I hope you live a long and healty life and stay away from those bullies like Misty!!

I am rereading a book by Dr. Norman Vincent Peal "The power of positive thinking". I just saw a quote he has in this book and his additional words and I thought how fitting they are for this site. Thought I would share them. Dr.Karl Menninger"Attitudes are more important than facts" Dr. Peal follows up by saying "Any fact facing us, however difficult,even seemingly hopeless, is not so important as our attitude toward that fact. How you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it". I think I see that echoed on this board everyday only in different words. From what I have witnessed it is so true! Lillian

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!! I can't think of a better way to start the New Year!!

Happy and HEALTHY New Year to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pam Your story touches my heart. I can't begin to imagine the pain you must have endured along with the fear. You and your dad were so lucky that he at least got to see your daughter. I am assuming that she is doing well and growing now.. You have much to be thankful for in that area but much to grieve with the loss of your dad. Johnny was expecting two grandchildren when he died. The first was born just 2 weeks after his death. He was looking forward to those babies so much but he never made it. I have heard it said that when someone dies and there is a new baby born the one who dies becomes the baby's guardian angel. Your little girl has her own special angel watching over her now.. I pray that you never have to go so much again but dispite all you have gained one precious gift and heaven has gained another. God bless you and I hope the new year is kinder to you. Lillian