michellep
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Posts posted by michellep
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If yellow roses grow in Heaven, Lord, pick a bunch for me~Place them in my Husband's arms & tell him they're from me~ Tell him that I miss him& when he turns to smile ~ place a kiss upon his cheek & hold him for a while~ Beceause remembering him is easy~I do it everyday~There's an ache within my heart that.....will never go away.
Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.
I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.I thought of you today, but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.Your memory is a keepsake, from which i'll never part. God has you in his arms,I have you in my heart
If tears could build a stairway and memories build a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.
I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
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I haven't posted here in a long time. Although I think about all of you often. I just passed the 7 month mark of my husbands passing. The struggle continues each and everyday. It seems that each time I turn around something bad happens to just make things worse for me. I have slowed down on the depression meds because I don't think they were helping anyway. I also stopped going to therapy because that wasn't helping me either.
I guess I've decided to just work as hard as I can to pull myself together and focus on my future. I've decided to sell my home because there are too many memories here that make me sad. I know I'll be lucky to get half of what we paid for this home, but I just can't stay here much longer. I feel that doing this will be a huge step into a new beginning for me...whatever that might be.
Prayers for strength would be appreciated.
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My husband and I lived in Pasadena CA where they had the annual Rose Bowl Parade every year. It was beautiful.....we would go and look and all of them again the next day while on display. The smell of roses was incredible too! Our home was only two blocks from the parade so we could walk over there and never had to worry about a parking spot. Only thing I didn't like was the way people would leave trash all over Colorado Blvd when they left ;(
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Barbara,
I read your post this morning and it's taken me all day to let your words sink into my heart. Your are a woman who is not only an sincere sensitive woman who just helped me beyond words, I'm sure your post will help all of us who are grieving.
I can't even begin to tell you how much your words meant to me. They have been on my mind all day....I draw strength from you my dear friend and my heart goes out to you as well.
These are the most difficult days we have ever endured in our lives and just taking one step at a time is heart wrenching. I thank you from the bottom of my heart dear Barbabra. I think of you and your journey often and I pray for you daily.
God Bless you my sweet friend
Michelle
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It's been 6 months today that Donald joined he Lord in Heaven. My grief is still as strong today as it was the moment he took his last breath. People keep telling me it gets easier. When? I went to one on one therapy for a few times and the therapist made me really angry on my last visit by saying "As far as your husband dying, you need to understand....It is what it is! " I was so angry over that statement. It might apply to a flat tire or a broken glass, but to apply that to a death really upset me. So.....I just went back into hibernation until I can start that job which should be very soon now.
I just can't get past the tears and the grief. How am I supposed to keep myself together so I can work? Am I strong enough? I don't know the answer to that.
I'm also feeling more loss because my son is moving across the country to marry a wonderful woman. I'm happy for them yes, but also feeling selfish because he has lived with me his entire 36 years of life and now what do I do. I afraid of being alone and afraid of all the things that are coming.
I stopped taking most of those crazy pills the doctors gave me and am only on one antidepressant now, so that's a good thing isn't it?
God....I wish someone had the magic words to comfort me and let me know everything is going to be okay and that my husband is with me in spirit.....isn't he?
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I feel your pain dear one ;( I too am having a difficult time. Most people just don't understand and that's why this board is so important to us. God Bless and have a peaceful Easter.
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LOVE IT!
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Happy Friday everyone (especially Ann....her favorite day). It looks like it's going to be chilly today so I plan to do some cleaning out in my closets. I have a lot of "fat clothes" I want to send for DAV donation.
Hasn't been that good of a week for me. Someone....someplace....got a hold of my credit card number and went on a shopping spree. At least the bank is processing a refund for me. UGGGG I hate thieves!
Discovered a new way to dust my floors! I bought a harness for Randy and he doesn't understand the concept of walking in it so he just lays there. SOOOO I drag him around the house and dust my floors with him How cool is that huh? LOL
I don't know if I had told any of you about my son falling in Love
Only problem is that she lives in Illinois across the country. They are talking about him moving there which will leave me completely alone here. Don't know if I like that part, but I want him happy and that's what counts right?Starting part time work in about 2 weeks. I sure hope I like it, cuz as far as jobs these days they are scarce to say the least. Wish me luck!
Have a wonderful Easter everyone!
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Some things I'd like to say, but first of all to let you know that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from Heaven, where I dwell with God above, where there's no more tears or sadness there is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy, just because I'm out of sight, remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you, when my life on Earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me, and He said I welcome you. It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone, as for your dearest family, they'll be here later on. I need you here so badly, as part of My big plan, there's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man. Then God gave me a list of things, He wished for me to do, and foremost on that list of mine, is to watch and care for you. And I will be beside you, every day and week and year, and when you're sad I'm standing there, to wipe away the tear. And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight, God and I are closest to you, in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on Earth, and all those loving years, because you're only human they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you, of all that God has planned, but if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand. But one thing is for certain, though my life on Earth is o're
I am closer to you now, than I ever was before, And to my very many friends: trust God knows what is best, I'm still not far away from you, I'm just beyond the crest. There are rocky roads ahead of you, and many hills to climb, but together we can do it, taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy, and I'd like it for you too, that as you give unto the World, so the World will give to you,
If you can help somebody, who is in sorrow or in pain, then you can say to God at night my day was not in vain, And now I am contented, that my life it was worthwhile knowing, as I passed along the way ---I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody, who is down and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you are walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind,
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when you feel the gentle breeze, or the wind upon your face,
that's me giving you a great big hug, or just a soft embrace
And when it's time for you to go, from that body to be free,
remember you're not going, you are coming here to me.
And I will always love you, from that land way up above,
Will be in touch again soon,
P.S. God sends His Love
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Hello all! I got up this morning to beautiful blue skies, but a bit on the chilly side, but it's better than rain or snow right?
Got on the computer and opened my cafe on FB then decided to check my bank account online and balance everything out which I do regularly. I noticed multiple charges on my account that are NOT mine. Many at gas stations in Las Vegas and a few locally. They added up to quite a lot of money so off to the bank I went. They will reverse the charges, but when I asked about filing a police report they told me not to bother that nothing would be done.
Makes me so darn angry that someone would get access to my account and plain out steal from me....why not go get a job for crying out loud.
Anyway, my plan is NOT to use by debit card anymore....period! It's all cash from here on out. I HATE a thief!
After the bank I went and got Randy a harness. He doesn't understand it so I just ended up dusting my floors while dragging him around. Too funny!
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Good Morning All! I woke up this morning to a crispy 55 degrees but the sun is shining and the skies are blue, so I'm sure it will be a nice day.
I've begun to have more regular sleeping patterns and not wandering the house at all hours of the night which is a good thing. My little kitty (not so little anymore) cuddles with me at night which I just love. UNLESS of course he has gas....then it's on the floor buddy. LOL
Today I'm going to run some errands and pick up some groceries. Since my colitis is improving, perhaps I can start eating something again.
Have a good day everyone
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As many of you know, my husband passed in Oct 09. I had an extremely difficult time even though I knew the end was coming. The whole thing hit me like a ton of bricks and I totally fell apart. Both emotionally and physically.
I was in such bad shape that I went to my PCP. He prescribed Lexapro, Xanax and Klonapin. Over the following weeks my panic attacks and depression seemed to worsen so I began therapy.
Well, I hate to admit this to you but my condition got so bad that one day I actually went over the "edge". My son was in a total panic and called the PCP. They were extremely close to have me hospitalized for observation. The thoughts that went through my mind and my actions we beyond words.
The following day after this episode I looked back in my journal to discover that the major panic began at the same time I started Klonapin so I stopped the medication immediately. Over a few days it cleared my system and I have been improving everyday.
The purpose for this post is to warn you of the side effects some of these doctors can give us thinking they will help when they actually make it harder on us.
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Happy Friday All! I, like Ann need to do some spring cleaning this week end. Not sure how much I'll be able to do since I've been so sick with colitis these past weeks, but something is better than nothing right?
My cat (Randy) in running all over the house this morning non stop. Even without catnip (thanks for the advice Ann). He's such a comfort to me during these times, I'm so happy I got him!
Well, back to FB to check my stoves in CW....have a good one my friends.
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My dear Barbara.....I too am deeply saddened by the news of Bill's passing. ALL of us here have been following your journey and we ALL feel pain with you during this loss. Please surround yourself with loved ones during this grieving time, it's so important.
Sitting here thinking about past months and how you took the time to help me during such a devastating journey yourself says to ALL of us what a wonderful and loving woman you are.
I know that Bill and Donald are both smiling down on us right now with a heart full of love until we too can join our loving husbands for eternity.
May God Bless you my dear one.
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Barbara my dear friend.....my thoughts and prayers are with both you and Bill each day. You have no idea how much strength you give me just reading your journey and what a strong and loving woman you are.
God Bless! ((((hugs))))
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I need some time away from the "c" word for a while. I know you'll all understand why.
I'm starting classes for my new job this week, so maybe that will help me, but until then, I wish all the very best. I might be lurking, but you probably won't see posts till I feel stronger emotionally.
With much love
Michellep
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It's been 5 months today that my Donald joined the lord. Most days it seems like just yesterday and the pain is still as intense as it was the moment he left. I've had a couple "fair days"....very few actually. This sure is a struggle to kept my sanity ya know?
As some of you know my son is in love with a wonderful woman and they are planning a future together which I'm very happy about. BUT he dropped a bomb shell on me yesterday saying he'll be moving to where she lives in Illinois. I'm in California. Does it make sense that even though I want them together I'm heartbroken at the same time. I've had nightmares since Donald passed about people leaving me.....all kinds of people for various reasons, so this has really thrown me for a loop.
I have a huge house full of things and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'll have to sell of course, but selling furniture etc is scary. I don't like the idea of strangers coming into my home. Everything is new so simply giving it away is a hard decision to make.
I think my brain is on pure overload right now. Too many things to worry about and I feel so alone. I miss my husband dearly.
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Hello everyone! The weather here is going to be in the mid 60's here today with blue skies and a few white clouds. Could possibly be a day to do some gardening? nawwwww
I had my first good nights sleep last night since Donald's passing in October. I usually stare at the ceiling all night or have nightmares. The nightmares are always the same...........about people leaving me.
But today is good and I have already started a nice pot of beef stew for dinner. Hope my son eats it....he's so picky these days.
I'm also going to color my hair and wash away all this gray I have. I hate to look at it! I'm too young to have a full head of gray hair.
My son has decided to go to Illinois next month to visit his girlfriend, who was just here a few weeks ago. Guess this is true love huh? So, for two weeks I'll be all alone in this big house.....that sounds scary ;(
Have a good day all! And Ann....taco bell sounds wonderful!
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When my husband was home on hospice they would not allow any type of antibiotics at all. He also had severe bed sores. So, what I did was buy the antibiotic cream with pain relief in it from the drug store. Hospice told me I wasn't allowed to use it but I did anyway. It helped him a great deal with the pain from the sores. They told me to put him on his side and tuck a pillow under so the sores could breath and heal. He refused and always ended up flat on his back yet again. Hospice has rules that perhaps we don't agree with as far as medications, but I only cared about my husbands comfort. I also had some antibiotic pills left from the past months that I gave him.
Bless both you and your husband during this time. I know exactly how you're feeling and what you're dealing with. Contact me anytime if I wasn't clear enough in this message ok?
((((hugs and prayers))))
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OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG That is what I call FUNNY
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Thank you Dawn for the kind words. It might appear I've "bounced back", but nope.....still and will continue to be a huge struggle for a long time.
What's your coffee secret? I hate nasty flavored coffee and it happens to me all the time, especially the store brand names.
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Hello! Judy, sorry you had a rude waitress and yes, I know how that can sometimes spoil having a good time Hope you didn't leave too large of a tip!
Ts.....what time will the cake be coming out of the oven? I'll be right over. And the Kona coffee sounds just wonderful!
I'm happy to announce that I FINALLY got the letter in the mail to start training classes on March 19th. I'm a bid curious that I'm not as joyful as I thought I would be. I'm feeling a bit scared now. I suppose because it's just another "change" since Donald passed?
Couldn't find my watch anywhere this morning.....then while cleaning out the kitty box I found it! What a cat......just as funny and playful as the real Randy, huh?
I had a nice productive morning though. I got all my floors mopped, dishes done and two loads of laundry. Now that A LOT for me considering my depression these past months isn't it? One day at a time....right?
Have a wonderful week end everyone
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Nice to hear you're getting out Judy and don't worry about the weight. You're a tiny thing anyway LOL
I too am heading out today to take care of the transfer of my husbands truck over to our son. Then off to get him some insurance. The rates I pay for that truck are too high since I'm a home owner and they want you to have all that extra coverage which I can't afford right now.
I posted on the FB profile that I feel like a vampire being inside the house all the time so I'm hoping this venture out will help. Maybe we can even stop for lunch together someplace.
Getting low on xanax and they won't give me any more for 3 more days. ughhhh I also read on the internet how addictive xanax can be and I don't want that to happen so I'll start to tapper off this time. I think keeping myself busy will help with the anxiety and panic attacks. This is why I'm so anxious to get back to work. Slow process, but it is on the way soon.
Anyway, have a good week end everyone and as I always say....don't forget to tell someone you love them today?
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She certainly has my prayers as well!
Only problem is that she lives in Illinois across the country. They are talking about him moving there which will leave me completely alone here. Don't know if I like that part, but I want him happy and that's what counts right?
Michelle has been mia for a while
in GRIEF
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Thank you Lilly for your kind words. I continue to struggle each and everyday trying to pick up the shattered pieces of my and march on. This is the most difficult journey I have endured and as I'm sure you understand that the pain beyond words. Each day and the changes my son and I are making are difficult but I'll keep you informed as to how we are doing. Even if it's from across the country.