michellep
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Posts posted by michellep
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I've just been so distraught these past 18 days that I've been emotionally neglecting my son and didn't even realize it until last night. My son is from my prior marriage to Don, but they were so close...like best friends. Each and everyday my son has been asking what he can do for me....trying to comfort me and I was oblivious to what "he" was feeling.
I feel awful but I'm also glad that it has finally come to my attention that I am not the "only one" in pain here. So.....I'm going to work on pulling myself together a bit and try to focus some attention on my son as well.
My husband would never want to see either of us in this kind of pain. I'm going to keep taking my meds and start therapy as soon as possible. Maybe my son should go too.
Have a blessed week-end everyone!
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I think I'm slowly going insane here. I walk from room to room with no purpose really. I see things that can/should be done and I just walk past them and wander back into another room. I tell myself each morning...."This is what you're going to do today" and NONE of it happens.
I tired to go into my husband closet today and I could actually "smell him", so I had to leave immediately and just cry my heart out. Everywhere I look reminds me of him....every picture in the house, he hung. Ceiling fans....furniture he put together and his tools....oh my....that man has enough tools to open a business. I don't even know what most of them are supposed to do!
The pension money and social security is all messed up. I had transferred most and left some to cover outstanding checks. The social security took it back and now everything is bouncing all over the place. Social Security says they'll put the money back in 8 weeks "after" I go in on Monday and prove the date of his passing. IDIOTS! They didn't want "proof" when they pulled it out did they? Then, there's the pension...it went into la la land somewhere and they are trying to locate the funds.
ughhhhhhhhhh I need a drink
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Cruciferous vegetables are so named because they have cross shaped flowers. Cruciferous vegetables include many popular vegetables such as broccoli, cabbage, kale, cauliflower, Brussels’ Sprouts, radish, Bok Choy, rutabaga, and collard and mustard greens. In addition, seeds from the cruciferous vegetables radish, alfalfa and broccoli are often used to make nutritious sprouts. Most cruciferous vegetables are easy to grow in home gardens in most parts of the US and southern Canada.
Most cruciferous vegetables are rich in many nutrients like vitamins A and C and also contain valuable phytochemicals such as isothiocyanates. Isothiocynates may protect against cancer by stimulating the bodies production of detoxification enzymes.
A recent California study compared consumption of dietary isocyanates in 311 lung cancer cases and 622 controls. Lung cancer rates were only 65% as high among subjects consuming 4 or more servings of cruciferous vegetables as compared to subjects consuming less than one serving a week of cruciferous vegetables. These results were statistically significant and were adjusted for exposure to active and 2nd hand smoking. This research appeared in the August 2009 Nutrition and Cancer
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Good Morning All! It's cold here today....actually for a few days now. I added more blankets on my bed last night. I sure hope we don't get the amount of snow this winter that we had last year.
LilyJohn is teaching me how to use Facebook, so I've sent a friend request to both Judy and Ann so far. Now I need to learn how to add photos!
Doubt I'll do anything today....felling down again. I wonder if these new meds I'm on will help soon. So far they just make me sleepy, but I can only sleep for maybe an hour and then I'm wide awake again.
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(((((((((((((Lily))))))))))))))) I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you my friend!
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"RandyW"]Uhhhh Judy........................ Nice New Avatar??????? Someone Ya know maybe!!????
There goes Judy's reputation!
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Thank you for sharing.....they are truly beautiful!
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Smile at a stranger.
Listen to someone’s heart.
Drop a coin where a child can find it.
Learn something new, then teach it to someone.
Tell someone you’re thinking of them.
Hug a loved one.
Don’t hold a grudge.
Don’t be afraid to say "I’m sorry".
Look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are.
Look beyond the face of a person into their heart.
Make a promise, and keep it.
Call someone, for no other reason than to just say "hi".
Show kindness to an animal.
Stand up for what you believe in.
Smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind.
Use all your senses to their fullest.
Cherish all your today’s!
"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)
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Hi everyone! Well, I took those new meds and went to sleep early last night. Then I heard a BIG crash in the kitchen....went running in there and my son had been cooking bacon. Somehow.....don't really understand it, but he dropped the skillet and there was bacon grease ALL over my kitchen. Not just a little bit....a LOT. So, that kept me busy for awhile....especially the sliding around the floor and trying not to fall! I didn't even get mad......must have been those silly new meds ya think?
I haven't been outside this morning, but it looks like it's going to be a nice day. I still haven't used my birthday gift card yet, so maybe I'll fix myself up and get out of the house.
I might have to stop at the grocery store BUT I'm not buying any bacon that's for sure!
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Please keep us updated ok? I too will be sending out prayers!
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I tried a 2nd time at the hospice grief support meeting yesterday. It too seemed more like a social gathering than grief. I suppose it's because these are all long term members. I believe the most recent passing had been 3-4 years....and here "I" sit with 14 days. So....I went to my pcp and had a total meltdown....he is arranging one on one meetings with a counselor for me and is giving me some heavy duty meds....I don't know if I'm coming or going right now cuz these are a lot of meds and I'm not used to this.
I still haven't been wanting to eat. It's been a few days and my son is really angry with me because he found out I had been putting the food he prepared for me buried in the trash can. It's hard to explain....I just don't want food. I'm a fairly intelligent person and realize that the body needs food to sustain itself, yet the thought makes me feel ill.
BUT....I'll try.........maybe tomorrow.
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Well, got out of bed at the insane hour of 4AM. It's 1PM now and I'm still in my pj's! Tomorrow is trash pick up so I've been going thru the filing cabinet getting rid of old files. I think my husband saved every scrap of paper going back to the 50's. At least it's giving me something to do today plus a few good laughs looking back on his grade school report cards...now I know why he never showed them to me. Not such good grades at all! And to think he grew up to be an aerospace engineer? hummm
I think I'm going to call it a day and fix myself a bloody mary and take a nice long hot bubble bath. It's cold and windy here today.
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My husband also had adenoarcinoma. He worked for NASA for 42 years and was directly involved with space shuttle launching. I sometimes think all the fumes from that is what caused his cancer as well.
It's so sad that lung cancer has the least amount of funding because people automatically assume it's only smokers who get this. I'm so happy that the LCSC Foundation is bringing more awareness to lung cancer.
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Thank you...I needed that today too!
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I went to a group support meeting on day #9 of my husbands passing thru hospice. I was disappointed that night because the others were long time members and their conversations had nothing to do with grieving. But there is another one scheduled for this morning (different people) that I'm going to attend. I feel like I should give it one more try and if it's the same then I'm going to ask my doctor whom I'm seeing this afternoon to send me for one on one counseling. Considering my state of mind right now perhaps a more personal type of counseling is needed. I'm not doing well today
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I don't think I've told many of you, but after my husband retired from NASA and we moved to the high desert he was a bit lost. I mean, if anyone needed a space craft built...no problem. I teased him and said he could stand on the corner with a sign that said "HELP...WIFE NEEDS MONEY"....he didn't like that idea so he joined as a volunteer for the California Highway Patrol. He just loved it
So, today instead of doing something selfish like shopping to lift my spirits I decided to take his uniforms over to the CHP and donate them for any other volunteers who might need them. They were having some kind of meeting at the time but when they heard I was there they stopped and all came out to greet me. NOW LADIES......how many times have you been hugged by about 25 handsome cops??????????????
Anyway, there were many tears and many laughs about what a nut my husband was....and still is. They said they can't walk past the donuts without thinking of him. (Isn't that true of ALL cops) But.....it was a good thing to do and I know that my husband is smiling down on me right now!
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I'm going to get out of the house today. My son is having a procedure with injections into his neck and spine. They won't let him drive himself afterward and I assume the meds could make him sleepy. He has a lot of pain from an illness he has so I'm praying this will help.
I'm hoping that my mood will pick up and I can go shopping or something. I still have my birthday gift card from a friend and you know how us women are.....shopping is always a mood lifter.
Here's wishing all of you a great day! Enjoy yourselves and always remember....most of all.....tell someone in your life how much you love them today!
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One of the most common feelings when a loved one has died is that of
isolation. After the first flurry of activity and concern, our friends and
families must return to their own lives and families. Often we feel that
people avoid us because they fear how emotional we are and do not want to
hear of our despair. We feel alone even with those who would comfort us if
they could. Sometimes we even feel that the strange things we're doing since
the death mean that we're going crazy, and we're reluctant to discuss how
we're really feeling and doing.
And this is why I want to stress the importance to all of you to continue coming to this board. When you first visit and take the time to read others stories you will somehow realize that you aren't alone. When you're suffering you do feel that loneliness but the family we have here can help you far beyond anything you can imagine.
So, for all of those who are grieving please know from "me" that you will find comfort here.
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Yesterday my son and I went to lunch together. Sitting out under the sun was nice. Especially when the bloody mary's kicked in!
Today I'm determined to do something productive so I'm going to gather some things to donate for the disabled american vets association. I'm going to start with all my xmas stuff. I truly don't plan to ever put up another tree. I can celebrate the meaning of xmas without all the decorations.
Enjoy your Sunday everyone and please take time to tell someone you care about how much you love them?
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Welcome to our family. You will find many here who can help you through this heartbreaking journey.
My husband was also diagnosed with stage 4 adenocarcinoma. Chemo was very hard on his system. He had 6 treatments followed by 8 blood transfusions. Chemo does indeed cause many side effects and fatigue. Just try to keep him eating and I highly recommend ensures. They are full of calories and vitamins as well.
Please come back often.....you'll find a world of encouragement and great advice here.
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Laughing, crying and remembering
in GRIEF
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Thank you for those words Randy! I'm on my 18th day I need as many words of encouragement as I can get! Bless your heart!
And Lily.....thanks for our talk last night!