Mr Ry
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Posts posted by Mr Ry
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The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's better than Clyde!''
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Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their car. But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would get in the last car and go home. One blonde said to the other, ''We need to find a faster way to get home.'' So the next day they went to work on a camel. After work they came out and the parking lot was full of camels. So the first blonde went around lifting up the tails of all the camels. The second blonde said, ''What are you doing?'' The first blonde said, ''When we came in today I heard someone yell "'Look at those two assholes on that camel!!'"
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Sorry Frank I am still riding around I my new Caddy that has ball holders with my cowboy hat on. Sorry I left you all alone with Elaine in the woods with bears. But hey, priorities.
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Damm
I am out of here, I am going to get me a Cadillac, and a cowboy hat.
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Rosanne,
I'll send you and Rick our photos. What a wonderful job you did putting on that walk. The cider and water were good, and the roll ups were great. What a beautiful day and location you picked.
Thank you John & Rochelle.
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Renee,
You are amazing and caring woman. You gave David a very comfortable passing. I wish you all the strength you need to get though this trying time.
John
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I hope it is nothing. I hope your onc reads the things we want to hear. I am hoping for hte best for you.
John
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Lisa,
I voted smoker. You needed one that said all of the above. There was only one I did not come under. That is live in a big city.
Both my parents smoked. My dad smoked three packs a day.
I have work in several places that could have caused my cancer (foundry, paint shop, oil fields, pottery,restaurant).
Radon, I am not sure, but Michigan is a state that has problems with it.
When I was in my 20s, my lung collapsed. Where the lung collapsed is where my primary tumor is. Does that mean something? I do not know.
It could have been anything I did or just bad luck. I really do not worry about how I got it, but how to beat it is my main concern.
I'll tell you this, none of my kids will ever smoke. They have witness the hell that this disease has put us all through.
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I knew the title would suck you in.
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Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Why?"
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Boy do I have lots of responses to that one,
but like Frank I am still running around the house with my cowboy hat on.
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A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives each of his current girlfriends $1,000. One spends $200 on clothes and puts $800 in the bank. Second spends $800 on clothes and puts $200 in the bank. Third puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one did he marry? The one with the big boobs.
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An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
"He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
"I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...
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Hum, I wonder what happens if he wears the hat and boots.
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Ry
I am out of here. I am off to buy a cowboy hat.
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I guess we will have to give points to the women on this one. She did get what she wanted.
Although we should get a couple.
They should have had coffee at Burger King. "You can have it your way at Burger King."
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At first you do not succeed try, try again.
We are just piling up the points
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Frank,
That put us ahead.
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Ha ... Hey guys here is our chance to pull out September. Wtih Amy gone for a while we are bound to gain on the Just For Laughs.
I just thought though, she most likely be back before the end of the month with a whole pile of jokes.
Amy you had better get a hall pass... major fines without one.
Take care Amy. You have my best wishes getting your life inorder.
Have mercy on us men when you came back.
John
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An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.
Now I do it in ten..."
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My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.
I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.
"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake!"
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
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We still have a chance to redeem ourselves, just as long as we do not have to bite ourselves.
As I've Matured.......
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
I can add one.
I've learned that, women do not get older and men never grow up.