Larry

Probaly have but do not recall......

MAKING A BABY... There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'' Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out excepti onally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted.........

It bug's me when people ask is your real name Lawrence. It's Larry Damn it.....OK i feel better......

Today, I'm really _in a dumb mood because darned if i know so guess i'm being normal.

Not this morning ANN OHhhhh Noooooooooo.........

I normally at least put a pair of pant's on but then there are those time's when i just ...... Well you get it.....

My Rant for the day has to be dealing with the driving habit's of the Illegal's and the Cop's that seem to ignore them but let me do the smallest thing wrong and whamo there they are .....

Water ........

>>>>Confident<<<<<<

That was good.....

That was good.....

Now that was Funny.....

Kellogg's Corn Flakes

Constant..

You all keep bringing the food and i'll gladly bring my Appetite.....

I think Nick's answer was right on. Also would like to have said to that person and your positive your not Dieing SLooooowwwwly....

Conniving

Your right GREAT NEW'S.......

Mary my Wife's Doctor Got her's rushed so instead of the 12-18 month's it would normally take she was recieving check's in just 2 or 3 of month's.Also if you are recieving any form of Disability Check's from his Job he will be able to continue recieving those as long as he is no longer able or is working...

Boy Ann this is a tough one as i was probaly a smart aleck and a Clown and Trouble maker (i loved excitement)but i think if i have to use one word it would have to be"CURIOUS".

That is a new one and one only a thief would think of.......

Do not really have any answer's about much of what you wrote about but glad your still fighting.I do not know much about the macro diet but i would tell those people who want to do intervention to first have medical approval. Speaking of people who think they know what is best for you to me is rude inconsiderate even tho there intention's are well meaning. What has happened to make so many group's behave like policeing other people's life's is a right is troublesome to me. But like other's have said eat what you like and let's put some weight back on.Like my Wife's Doctor told her once he did not worry what kind of food's she ate but just eat.And as for the proper eating i just live by that old saying one man's meat is another man's poison. In other word's just because it's good for you does not make it good for me.And as for Red Meat all i can say is i try and eat it in moderation but i sure like reading about all these old people around here that have ate mostly beef and bean's with Potatoes and are Healthy as Horses as the saying goes....

Well all i finally after all the time that has passed since the Greensburg Tornado i went and took a drive and had a personal view of the devastation . For 2 month's after the Tornado all highway traffic was rerouted from the area so as to keep looters and curiousty lookers away and allow cleanup and emergency crew's freedom to work. I can now say after seeing it in person that is just like all the reports described. It does remind one of Hiroshima in a minature way after the A bomb was dropped.Now for the upside of the town now and that is they have got 3/4 of there student's in school from the previous year. The Hospital is a group of Quonset Canvas tent's and the shool's are a group or bunch of portable building's.The down town has one or two building left standing and the rest is like a giant vacant lot with hole's where building's once stood.Almost all the shrubery and tree's outside of sapling's are mostly gone.It is unbelievable that there are here and there a lone house still standing and occupied with total destruction around them. The local kwik shop is going and where a Co-op service station once stood is a single self serve island for Gasoline and possibly Diesel.But the Town is so barren outside of some Fema trailer's and the previous described building's and still pile's of rubbage to be hauled away that it is hard to even imagine that a town ever existed there.I as well as i knew my way around the town before the Tornado was unable to regonize much of any thing.Hand made sign's mark the street's and the city office's are set up in portable building's also.To sum it all up i would say it was depressing to look at but sign's of hope for the future were also visible.......Larry

DUSTY UNDERWEAR One morning, Jeff took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. 'What the ? ? ?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'Joyce,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She shot back: 'It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'.'

The Walmart Greeter A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walk ed into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopp ed yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid", repli ed the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day."