How to encourage hope?

[Treebywater]

My mama sounds FAR from hopeless, but since the words 'stage IV' were uttered she seems less hopeFULL then I'd like to see her. How can I help her to stay positive?

[Snowflake]

Remind her of that grandbaby she's going to be spoiling soon!

Help her adjust to the kick in the teeth the diagnosis is. After she accepts the enemy she is dealing with, she can get a plan in action and start kicking butt. Try to guide her, keep her moving. It's like a duck - on the surface of the water, they look calm and serene, but underneath, they're paddling like hell. Keep her paddling!

Take care,

Becky

[cindi o'h]

I would remind her of her already existing strength and courage.

Talk about the many difficult hurdles that she has overcome in her past. Remind her of the strength that exists in her to get through this one.

Give her examples of her courage in past experiences. She will begin to feel her own power and realize that she has the guts to go through this and coming out the other end smelling like a rose.

And most importantly, BELIEVE that your mama wll survive this too. She has you by her side. What a better gift and testament of love.

Go Get 'Em.

Cindi o'h

[Don Wood]

Tell your mom that my wife is Stage IV and is 27 months from diagnosis, and going strong. Don

[stand4hope]

How can I help her to stay positive?

By being positive yourself! It's contagious!

Talk about "future" events, but don't make it obvious. Just occasionally throw in some comment about the future.

I can't accurately give you any words since I don't know your mom's interests and life activities, but some examples of things I've said to my husband: "When you retire next November . . . ." , "Next spring, can we talk about adding on a storage room?"

My husband always responds positively, but if she is the type to come back and say, "Well, I probably won't be here this spring," or something like that. Just copy what a newcomer said on here recently. "Well, that won't work for me. You WILL be here this spring" or "next Christmas" or whatever applies.

The most important, is that you BE positive.

Love,

Peggy

[Calintay]

Sometimes I find just being there to listen and to talk and think positive works. Sometimes my mom brings me into her anger and hurt and we feed off of each other and get nowhere. I have to cautiously remind myself that around her I have to be encouraging, upbeat and positive thinkinf for her.

Stay strong

Calintay

[patut]

One thing I've decided now is that I'm glad our oncologist did not fill us in with all the facts and stage numbers, etc. If I wanted to know I had to go to extra effort to ask the secretary for those reports. I did that at first, and then stopped. I believe now she was trying to help us remain strong and positive and in the fighting mode.

I encouraged my hubbie to plan things for the future, for instance it was time to renew his commercial driver's liscence (8 year renewal here) and it cost a mint. It made him feel real good, and he did continue driving as long as he could. We talked about what we would do next summer, etc. as someone aboves uggested.

It's true, being optomistic is catching. I'd recommend it for anyone.

Cyndy

[Justakid]

I remember when I had surgery, I went in at Stage 1 and came out Stage 3, when they told me I lost it and felt hopeless......I was ready to die. Time helps, so does education.....mostly taking to everyone here helped me. Reading thier bio's and posting my feeling and getting their responses was more then helpful and hopeful. That's the only advise I can give.......time and support.

[teresag]

What glimmers of hope do you see in your mama? Take those and amplify them. Let her hope for things for today, for tomorrow, and then beyond. Remember that hope grows as success continues. Set small goals, and when she reaches them, grasp for the larger ones. Share your hopes. Talk to her about springtime, next Christmas, a family visit - whatever might give her short-term and somewhat longer-term goals to live for. Staying comfortable, having good weather, watching the first flowers bloom, are all things that are achievable and forward-looking. They are not so far into the future that she will find them too abstract or dowright unbelievable. This is important.

And always remember that NO ONE is better suited to care for the person you love than you. You are the best person in the world to care for her.

With best wishes, Teresa

[lilgna]

Realizing that the DR,s must stage a cancer, for treatment. A very wise person early on, told me that it is a group number, alot of people make up that group. No one person is the same in that group, everyone is diffrent and will respond diffrently. Those numbers are only important for proper treatment. please do not dwell on them. Look at all the people on this board, including me, who have outdone the original prognosis for their group, they were put in. My personal example, I was told I had six months to a year to live.... with treatment maybe two years, but it was highly likely to have metastisis elsewhere, well I have been stable since I finished my chem/radiation in Sept. 03, outside of a clinical trial, I have been invovled in, no mets, stable disease and I am coming up on two years since DX...... HOPE, well its a choice, fighting is too, without HOPE why fight, I say why not fight, theres HOPE...... look at these others on this board, believe me there is always HOPE...Tell your mom never give up....