Clover Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I stumbled upon this site I guess wanting answers, maybe hope of some kind. My mom is 58 and this fall she found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. Not sure what it is called but its the kind that grows slow. She has a massive tumor in her right lung in her upper lobe and some smaller tumors in her left lung. She also has cancer cells in her chest cavity. She, like many, was a smoker. Hell, even after she found out she had lung cancer she would lock herself in her bathroom and sneek a cigerette. She was that addicted. She on the surface sounded positive at first and started chemo because she was led to believe that she may only have a month or 2 left if she didn't start right away. The chemo practically killed her. She only got through 2 treatments before she was so weak she couldn't stand. She wouldn't eat. She had a lung infection prior to starting the chemo but the doctors didn't feel it was serious enough to prolong her chemo treatment. Turns out her lung infection plus the chemo really knocked her down. She had gotten so dehydrated from constant diaherra my dad had to call 911 and she spent all of this x-mas and new yrs in the hospital. She had on top of the dehydration, pneumonia (spelling?) and her lungs had collapsed. They had to put a tube inbetween her ribs to drain out all the fluid. She was on alot of meds and even started seeing 'dead people" and talking to them. Somehow she started to come around.... started to sound like herself again and they started radiation and physical therapy. She came home though we had to get her a hospital bed and 24/7 nurses to help. We thought she was starting to get better, hoping the radiation was working and then a week of being home and acting normal she all of sudden starts turning blue and can't breathe. We go back to the hospital. Its pneumonia again. She didn't have to stay in the hospital that long but she is on oxygen all the time and recieves breathing treatment. They did a catscan on her before she left and supposedly the radiation wasn't working like they had hoped. She was pretty much acting like "mom" and was starting to get her strength back and was able to finally get in and out of a wheelchair but she talks funny. She talks "crazy" like she doesn't hear us or says things out of the blue. My brother says she refuses to go back to the hospital. I'm afraid she may have had a stroke or something on top of this or the cancer has spread to her brain. My dad says the doctors said there really isn't more they can do but is that true? Is there nothing left to be done? Is it really over or growing near the end? I'm only 24 yrs old and though I'm an adult I still need her around. This may sound childish but I want my mommy and I'm losing all hope. Thanks for listening Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Caroline I am so sorry for all that you are going through - sounds like you have had a really rough time. My Mum also has stage IV, but we are very lucky in that she has remained healthy throughout, and tolerated her treatments extremely well. I can't imagine how much harder this would be if she was sick. I don't tend to buy the 'there's nothing more we can do' approach. From what I can gather, your Mom has only tried one type of chemo, and had some radiation to the lung. There are MANY different types of chemo available, some of which are better tolerated than others. Also, if your Mom is having some cognitive symptoms, you are right - it could be due to a stroke or brain mets, or any other number of less traumatic events, like side effects of medication. I would definitely seek another opinion - it can't hurt, and it just might help. I wish you and your family all the best. There are lots of knowledgable people here who will be able to help you along. Karen PS - you're not being childish! I am quite a bit older than you, and I still need my Mum too!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Caroline and WELCOME! Yes, there are other treatments, other things that can be tried, but you are probably going to need to get a second opinion. If you read my husband's profile below, you will see that we know that he has cancer in lots of places. He, too, had a very hard time with chemo and radiation, and radiation to the brain, and was hospitalized twice. Today, 18 months later, he is is working full time and really doing well. Getting another opinion will, of course, be up to your mom. Maybe after you get some more posts here, you can print this thread and show it to her so that she will know that there are other options if she chooses to put up a fight. God bless you, Caroline, and you're right - we all need our mommies. Mine is gone now, and I'm about the age of your mom, but I still wish I could talk to my mom about things. To most, it's worth the fight if they are up to it. If not, that's ok, too. We have learned here that it's ok whatever a person decides. Love and prayers, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clover Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 The problem though is my mom I think is to the point she doesn't want to try anymore. She doesn't want it to make her sicker and knock her down when she still can't walk. When she was first told she had cancer she went and got 3 opinions and they all basically said the same thing. We would take her out of state but my mom isn't well enough to endure the trip. Everyone, my dad, my brother, and now me are giving up. My mom doesn't want to go to the hospital anymore. Her coughing spasism are getting worse and we are working with hospice. I think my mom doesn't want to try anymore. She says she isn't giving up but yet when she doesn't want to go to the hospital. I don't know what to do I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. But if there is a slight chance something might could work you'd think she'd maybe want to try. But then her mind isn't all there anymore and my brother thinks to some degree she chooses to pretend she is okay and nothing is wrong. I just don't know what to do and scared. Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Caroline, Looks like we are about the same age, and our Mom's were diagnosed about the same time. My Mom is also Stage 4. I hate to hear that your Mom has had such a tough time. It could definitely be worth it to get another opinion, specifically about treatment options... but I have a feeling that's really going to be up to your Mom. I wanted to say that... as an also 24 year old, I can so relate to the, "I know I'm a grown-up, but I still need my Mom" sentiment. I'm sure... no matter how grown-up we get we'll always feel that way. Early adult-hood when the 'grown-up world' is still so new and experimental for me has been a time when I want to call and say--"What do you think about this, Ma?" ALL the time. It's hard... I'm sorry you're hurting so much, and that she is hurting so much. ((((hugs)))) to you. Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Oh, Caroline. My heart is breaking for you. I just read your second post. It sounds like your mom's health is really not so good right now in many respects. Maybe her decision is the best one. Chemo and radiation are really tough, even on a healthy person. Some people are just not willing to put themselves through that, and it is a very understandable decision. I know this is hard - very hard. I can almost hear you crying through your post. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but it's just something we all have to go through eventually. Hang on tight, and now might be a good time to ask God to help you cope. He will. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Oh Caroline, Iam so sorry for all the pain and suffering your mom and all of her family is going through. I feel that she is at a point where she just wants to be left alone, with no doctors, no more treatments. Just wants to be pain free. Just make her as comfortable as possible and be there for her. Tell her how much you love her, and you will respect her wishes. Hospice is a wonderful choice, they are so caring and they will take care of her to make the transistion as peaceful and pain free as possible. When it is time for her to leave, let her go. She will be in a much better place as far as leaving her sick, diseased body. When her soul leaves her body she will be flying free and smiling all the way up. And she will always be with you, in your heart of hearts. She will hear you through your prayers and meditation. When it is time for you to leave this physical plane, ( many, many, many years from now) she will greet you along with all your love ones who have passed. Too lose your mom at such a young age... my heart goes out to you Caroline... but know that you have to think of her feelings. Don't make her feel guilty if she does not want to go for a 4th opinion. Let her know that anything she decides is fine with all of you. . We are here for you, to vent, to cry to be frustrated. Why don't you tell us a little bit about you mom, so we could get to know her a little better in her glory days. Or just a few good memories... if you want to share that. Its okay if you don't. That might be to painful. Take care Caroline, I am thinking of you and sending you strength during my mediatation session. I am really so sorry. Your mom is so lucky to have you to love her so much. Don't you ever feel guilty.... the decision is hers you have to respect her wishes. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Welcome Caroline and sorry to hear about your mom, Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I am so sorry you are going through this. Your mom has had a hard time and she needs a well deserved break from the hospital for awhile. Give her lots of fluids, vitamins, a healthy diet, and get her strength built up a little. She has been through a lot and so have you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clover Posted February 22, 2005 Author Share Posted February 22, 2005 I'm not sure if I post this in reply but was asked to tell a bit about my mom in general. She was born in Virgina but we don't know much about her biological family just that she was adopted by a couple in High Point North Carolina (my grandparents) My mom was very much an individual and very independent. After a year in public highschool she asked to go to a private all girls school (think it was called stratford) My mom and my dad were off and on dating through out highschool and lived a couple of blocks apart. My mom and dad were going to elope but her mother put together a quick wedding for them. My mom gave up a "comfortable" lifestyle to be with my father. She waitressed to help pay for his college. They moved around a bit. One time they lived in virgina beach and my mom took up surfing. She had my oldest brother when she was 22, in '68 and then had my other brother in '73. She has me when se was 34. Supposedly they were going to give up having a 3rd one but my mom was set on finally getting a baby girl. My mom was always very caring. She loves animals. She took in strays and help them find homes and even took care of baby birds and squrrils if they lost their mother. She loved us kids alot. She dedicated her life to being a mom and putting us first and making sure we had everything we needed. I was never really a daddy's girl cause my dad was always away on business so I clung to my mom alot. We've always been real close have always felt I could tell my mom just about anything. I left home at 19 to go off to school and it really got her depressed for a while. Even me being here in Boston my mom and I would talk to each other 2 to 3 times a day. If I saw I cute guy in the grocery store I'd call her and tell her about it. Or we would call each other about a tv show we saw. She is the one who keeps the family together. I've always been the rebelious one in the family but my mom loved me no matter what. She never really cared for the tattooing and some of my music but she tried to get it. I even told her one time I'd remove all my tatts and wear what she wants me to if she would stop smoking and she said "but come to think of it I kind of like your tattoos and the way you dress" Only thing I can critize my mom about is that smoking was always number one. I'm just very dependent on my mom. I don't know how I will function if she dies. The thought that my mom may never see me get married (we have been planning my wedding since I was 5 cause I was always obsessed with bridal magazines) may never see me have a kid...... I mean honestly my whole life seems pointless if she isn't there. She is the one I've always looked to for acceptance and guidance and included her in my future plans in life. The whole point of my life was to see her see me do things. I mean I understand one day I'd lose her but not this early. I haven't even really lived yet. I know life isn't fair... I know death is inescapable ... I mean I know the realistic things in life like you have to go on and things just happen that we can't control but at the same time its rather ridiculous and somehow wrong. Reason kind of stops existing. Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Caroline, My heart breaks for you. I lost my dad so I know how you feel. This disease really sucks. Spend as much time w/ your mom as you can. You will cherish these memories for a lifetime. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Good luck to you, take care and hang tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieLR Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Hi Caroline, I understand so well how you feel. I lost my mother 9/8/03 when I was 42, to the same disease I now face & believe me - it's so much easier to go through it myself than to watch Momma go through it. I just want you to know that my prayers are with you & I know how badly you just want your Mommie. Who else has brought you through all the difficult stiuations in life? Please take care of yourself, Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrie Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Hi Caroline, I am so sorry for what your mother and your family are going through. I agree with everyone else - there are other treatments and it sounds like you may need to get a second opinion. I am a stage IV and I will tell ya, until I am out of my mind and cannot do for myself anymore I will not accept the "there is nothing we more we can do". I would have an MRI ran of her brain to see if it has spread there. Good Luck - and I hope you all seek that second opinion. Take Care, Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrie Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Caroline - I can see you are close to your mom. And I can see how afraid you are of losing her. I lost my dad when I was arround your age to the same disease. I now have NSCLC Stage IV and a 22 yr old daughter who is going through the same thing you are. My heart goes out to you, my heart goes out my daughter and all of the other children that are dealing with parents with this horrible disease - going through it with my father I can relate to some of what you all are feeling. Like others have said - spend as much time with her as you can, we will be so happy you did. My daughter is in FL and I am in TN so we only see each other every few months - usually when I am in the hospital or having some type of procedure. Spend time with her, you will be glad you did. Take Care, Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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