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I can't get used to the silence


dani hobbs

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My sister left this planet 3 months ago--we talked all the time. I still want to pick up the phone and call her. A couple of weeks ago, I visited her grave for the first time since her funeral to see the headstone--it was such a shock to see her name there! My youngest child is moving out soon and I wanted to be able to talk to my sister, to help me get through it. I think about my sister every waking moment of every day. I miss you so very much, Darlene.

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I'm so sorry .. I know you probably keep hearing this, but time will help you..It doesnt take away the pain it just teaches you how to some how cope with it... It teaches us how to adjust our lives without our loved one...

You will one day find your new normal and your heart will begin to heal, maybe not completely but I promise it will..

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Darlene,

Oh how I know the feeling of wanting to pick up the phone. My mother and I were so close in our relationship, BUT lived 1-1/2 hours apart. So I called her EVERY day for a couple of years - sometimes more than once if there was something that just couldn't wait. My mother died in February,1985 and I STILL remember the phone # and every once in a while feel the need to pick up the phone and hear her voice.

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that the emptiness you now are feeling will be filled up with many many wonderful memories of your siser.

Wishing you patience and healing.

Kasey

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Darlene,

My dad passed in February and I have been aching to talk to him. I would do anything to talk to my dad. I need his support, his advice, his humor, and his love. Never seeing him again is terrible, but not being able to talk to him is the worst thing in the world. And when people tell me, "oh, you can still talk to your dad!", I just want to slug them! I talk to him, and the air is empty, and he doesn't answer me back. I consider myself a very spiritual person, but I can't hear my dad right now. All I can do is guess what he would say. Maybe that's all you can do with your sister right now too.

I wish you strength and peace. I'm sorry you are so sad.

Kate

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Hi Dani.

I am so sorry for your tremendous grief. Best friend sisters are the hardest to lose. I can't imagine the depths of your despair.

Where are you ever going to find a friend to confide to after your sister is gone? She was the one who understood you the best, I will wager.

I have no wisdom on how to direct your grief. This is something that you will have to figure out on your own and in your own time. I am just hoping that it will be sooner rather than later that you can come to terms with her death.

We all know that there are grief counselors out there who can help when we get stuck. It is just a matter of 'when' you decide that you have been miserable for long enough. It is true. The ones who are left behind are the ones who suffer the most.

So very sorry for your loss.

Cindi o'h

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Dani, I know how deeply you must miss your sister. Silence and having no one answer you back is a terrible thing. You know, I had a good chuckle the other night while thinking about silence. I used to get so angry with Dennis when I would ask him something when he was in the middle of a football game or a NASCAR race and he would ignore me. Usually I wouldn't get completely ignored but would get a nod, as if he was agreeing with me, although he had no idea what I was saying. Now, I would give anyhting to have him sitting on the sofa, watching a ballgame and giving me his "nod".

Kasey is so right about being angry with the people that say..."oh you can still talk to him." Most of these people that offer this advice have never experienced the loss of someone close. When Dennis died, a friend suggested that I buy a journal and write my thoughts and feelings down whenever I needed to talk to Dennis. In the days just after he died, I wrote like crazy. Now, I only write only occasionally. But, you know, I really think it helps me. Sometimes, I look back on what I wrote right after I lost him and I see what a state of mind I was in and now see how much better I am handling things. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping each day will get a little brighter for you!

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  • 2 weeks later...

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