Lonely in Loss

[Kel M]

The numbness I've felt for the past two and a half weeks is starting to dissipate. I was able to finalize Mom's funeral arrangements, greeted guests during visitation, laughed and smiled with family members and yes, I cried many tears.

It just seemed unreal somehow. I stayed in the house I grew up in for a few weeks after Mom died and I've got to tell you it just doesn't feel the same. The energy that I drew from just knowing that Mom was alive is gone. I've had to keep busy in that house to keep from going stir crazy. Her front flower beds look pretty darn good, I have to say!

I've been doing some reading about grieving (I bought a particularly interesting book entitled Motherless Daughters) and I was glad to learn that I am not alone in thinking the things I've been thinking (No Mom if I get married or have kids). I realized it intellectually, of course, but it was neat to see my thoughts appear almost word-for-word in the pages of the book.

I never realized how lonely I would feel in losing Mom. Though I have friends and family to talk with, I don't think I ever appreciated the extent to which I depended on Mom for advice and conversation. Or I did, but as I've never known this type of loss before, I couldn't anticipate the grief I'd feel.

I find it hard to talk to a picture or to look to the sky for one-sided conversation. That's what hurts the most at this juncture - knowing that I can't do those every day, mundane things with her.

Well that's enough of that - I've decided that I'm going to have a good day today and worry about having a bad day tomorrow.

Cheers.

Kel

[Kasey]

Kel,

EVERY single word you wrote could have been written by ME 20 years ago. The lonely house...the lack of energy there...boy, do I relate.

My mother did not see me marry the most wodnderful man in the world. I BELIEVE she is so happy that he takes such good are of me. BUT she cannot TELL me that. That book Motherless Daughters sounds like one I should read....even so many years later.

I STILL miss my mother ~ sometimes a lot more than others. Some days I actually grieve for her like it was many years ago.

Kel, we loved our mothers so much. We brought them joy...they gve to us comfort, love, and so much more.

I am glad you are starting to feel better. Feel better, be strong, and have good days....all things your mother would want for you.

Very special thoughts and wishes reaching out to you.

Kasey

[Doughnut]

Kel,

I wanted to acknowledge your post because you express yourself so beautifully. The problem is that I have nothing to say now that I've started because I haven't experienced the loss of a parent. I literally can only imagine what you're going through and I am so very sorry. Just from reading your words it's very obvious how well-loved your Mum was by you and she must have been proud to have you as a daughter. I think it's one day at a time from this point and I hope that your planned good day turned out to be one and as you say, worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

Dee.

[Ry]

I am sorry you are going through a rough patch. I am thinking of you.

[Carolsdaughter]

Kel,

As I read your post I couldn't help but knod my head at your words. I too felt very much the same when I lost my mom two years ago. One thing I do though is I still talk to my mom (outloud when I am alone). I believe heaven is much closer then I did in the past. Now don't get me wrong, I don't talk to her all the time, just when I need her the most.

[ahhappy]

Me too! I'm nodding my head too! My mother was my very best friend. Better than my other friends because she KNEW me. Every little part of me. Every expression, every body language movement. She knew. We talked about everything. And we talked 3 times a day at least. I can't get away with that with my friends- even as great as my friends are. They don't want to hear from me 3 times a day every day. Like you, I didn't realize the extent of lonliness that I feel.

I'm not a big talk to the sky kind of person either. I'm not to the point where I can think about telling her things without bawling.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

Amy

[Fay A.]

(((Kel)))

[Ann]

Kel, when I lost my mom I instantly knew that I had just lost the best friend I ever had. I knew this was the only person that would ever love me unconditionally and always be there for me. The feeling was overwhelming and I was consumed with grief for a very long time. I was able to find comfort in the feeling that my mother was still with me and was alive in my heart. I felt as if my mother and I had become one person. Now, many years later, I have to smile when I do or say the same things that my mother used to do. I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs and prayers your way!