cathy Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 I am not really sure what I want to say or how I feel. Dad has made up his mind, he doesnt want to try Iressa. That is his only option right now because he is not strong enough for anything else. I feel that it has to be his decision, we talked him into radiation and looked what happened to him. If my family and I didnt talk him into radiation his quality of life would have been so much better than it is now. So how can I convince him to try the Iressa. I was suppose to take him to the onc. today to discuss it. He just called me to tell me he wasnt feeling well and wasnt going to go. I think that was his way of letting me down easy. I gave him info and copied your responses to one of my post. I told him I was giving him the good and bad, so he could make an educated decision. He was all for it when he was in the hospital. I am really not sure what happened. He hasnt been feeling very good lately, so maybe he is feeling completely hopeless. He is so worried about his family especially my mom. Can you believe he is making his funeral arrangements. We had a family meeting last week, it was so heartbreaking, however we got through it. He doesnt want anybody to worry about anything when his time comes. I feel so helpless, I just dont know what to do..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Cathy, I understand it so well. Mom doesn't talk to any of us anymore now. She is pulling herself away from us emotionially and physicially. She says the house is too hot and only wants to sit in her bedroom with the door shut. We go in and sit with her and she just sits and watches the TV. I asked my step dad to call the onc. and get her on anti-depressants, but I think she has already given in. The last thing she said to me was "Nothing goes my way so why try anymore" none of my siblings can bear seeing mom this way so they have stopped coming over. They say they are busy with their kids and things. I can't go without seeing her. A cousin told me just this morning I will have no regrets because I am doing all I can do. But that doesn't help me cause I really feel like I am doing nothing. I can't cheer her up or get her to talk to me. She has no fight left in her. I hope your dad will decide that a shot on Iressa is worth it. It can't hurt right?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolsdaughter Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Cathy, I am so sorry to hear about this. You are right it is your dads choice. You are a awesome daughter and care giver. When we are placed in the role of cargiver our job is do make them better. But we can only support and give them the path to take, the rest is out of our hands. You dad is such a wonderful man and I will continue to pray for him and the rest of your family. Hugs, Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Dear Cathy, Your post was a heartbreaker. This is so hard to face. I guess I'd agree that the final decision is your father's to make. Just try to be there for him to talk to and rely on. Try to stay positive. He may change his mind after a bit of rest and being away from hospitals and treatments...but he may not. Will pray for all of you to have the wisdom and strength you need. Bless us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Cathy, This must be incredibly difficult for you. I know that it is up to your father to determine his tolerance level but how does a daughter stand by feeling helpless??? I will pray that he feels much, much better and decides to keep fighting. I will also pray for you. Blessings to you both, Peg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 Cathy, Yesterday morning, I was ready to throw in the towel, but things can turn on a dime! You're right, if your dad was feeling better that would give him the strength to want to fight this demon! Will to live is based on so many things....My mom should have died in surgery, nut went on for 4 years. She refused to go because her kids needed her still! My brother was only nine! We also started a project....A gazebo and garden for her to work in. She would will the energy to tend to it since we acted organicaly challenged. She would get up to make brekfeast for Dad at 6:00 a.m. and see My brother and sister off to school. Having a purpose to live and meaning in live helps. I wonder how we can help your Dad find that? If I knew your Dad's iterest Maybe we could think of some things. Let me understand....Your Dad's cancer has not spread into his organs has it. Is it just the breathing being compromised? I can appreciate and respect your Dad's wishes, but mabe you can strike a deal to just try this drug for a period of time...a compromise if you will. Even if not, he need to set some little goal for himself daily. Cancer reproduces slower as we get older, so he could be with you for a good while! I am prayig fro him! Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Cathy, it is true that the patient (your dad) should have the last say in what he does or doesn't do in the way of treatment. If his feeling better might change his outlook, what is there to do that would make him feel better? Meds? Focus on something of interest? Outings? What would change his mood? When I was diagnosed the first time with prostate cancer, I had to decide between surgery or radiation or do nothing. I chose radiation. My urologist gave me sage advice at the time: Once you decide on a treatment and you see it through, don't look back and start asking "what ifs". We never really know if a different path would be as rosy as we think. I think you gave your dad the best advice as you saw it at the time. Radiation has helped countless people. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your dad said, "Yes" to it, so ultimately, it was his decision. I wish you and your dad a good path coming up. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdaW Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Dear Cathy, I know this is a very difficult time in your life. I felt the same helplessness when my Father had colon cancer. I just could not accept the fact that there was nothing that could fix his problem. I was stunned that there was nothing the medical community could offer him. I even offered to take him to Lourdes, France in search of a miracle. My Dad looked at me like I was crazy! Your Father is telling you that he is not going to do anything else to fight his disease. He's lived with enough disappointments and he will finally be in charge of things. What seems like a good option , Iressa, is not an option for him. I think you should be asking yourself not how you can convince your Father to take the IRESSA, but how to accept his decision with love, respect and peace if it actually is his final decision. A very tall order for a loving daughter. I am thinking of you, your Dad and your family, Ada [/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 Cathy, This must be heartbreaking for you. You have been a wonderful support for your Dad throughout all of this. I can tell from reading your posts that you love your Dad so very much. Sit tight for a couple of days, your Dad might just be depressed and may change his mind about trying the Iressa. My uncle refused treatment for colon cancer and changed his mind within a few days. If he doesn't change his mind and you can't gently persuade him, I know you somehow will find the strength to help him through this. Where do we find this strength anyway? People tell me I am a strong person, I don't feel strong but I get through each day somehow and even manage to have good times with Hugh. Sometimes I don't even realize that we have had a great day until after its over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted August 7, 2003 Author Share Posted August 7, 2003 Shellie, Shelly, Tiny,Peg,Cheryl, Don, Ada,Candy, Thank you for all the prayers and comforting words. Shelly: I really am not that awesome, my dad is awesome which makes it soo easy just to want to be there for him. I wish I was more like him. Cheryl: First, thank you for taking time out from your day. You have been through so much. My dads lc has not metastized to any other organs. It was in 2 out of 9 nodes. His last pet in apr. showed activity where the lobectomy was. All that put aside, His breathing is so bad. He cant walk 3 feet without difficulty. His breathing is usually ok at rest, but that is about it. Everything is so hard for him, sometimes even eating makes him short of breath. When he was in the hospital the last time, I could see how eating was such a chore. Now wait until you hear this, I would cook him alot of his favorite meals while he was in there just so he would eat something. He would eat whatever I brought him and really enjoy it here's the weird part, he wasnt short of breath while eating my food only the hospital food. He's still trying to figure that out. Don: I do look back every day, when I see my dad suffer with his breathing. I wonder all the time, what if? and I know I shouldn't dwell, I really do try not to. I do still feel we talked him into it. He was soo against it. Thank you for making me feel a little better though. Ada: Thank you. I dont think I need to say more. Everyone of you really have comforted me today. Thank you Dad is back in the hospital today, dehydrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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