NancyT Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I am overwhelmed with such sadness and afraid. He does not want to eat anymore and I see he is giving up. He told the hospice nurse he is giving up. I wish I could somehow change things.....I am so very sad all the time NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I'm so sorry, been there done that and it's so hard. Don't look at it as giving up, think of your dad accepting his future with grace. Spend as much time with him as possible, spoil him in whatever way you can. My mom's best friend sent in baked stuffed lobster - one of mom's all-time favorites - and I have a lovely, bittersweet memory of my dad spoon-feeding the lobster to Mom. So whatever your dad likes best, give him as much as possible. Movies, pet visits, backrubs, beer - whatever! It's ok to be sad, it's ok to cry. But think of the rest of your dad's time here as a "going away present", and store up memories for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Sorry - double post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Nancy, I'm so sorry for the pain you are enduring right now. What wonderful advice Gerbil runner has given you. All you can do is make the absolute best of the time you have with your Dad. We understand the pain and the tears...and we are here for you. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Hi Nancy, So sorry for all the pain you and your family is going through. But you have to respect your dad wishes. At least hospice is there to help make him comfortable in his final days. Be with him as much as you can and just show him all the love you have. Jen gave some good advice as she has been through the same. I know how hard it is to watch your dad who was a pillar or strength decline to a point where he just wants to let go. You have to let him do that. I am sending prayers to you for all the strength there is to get you through this and for your dad to be pain free and comfortable. My heart goes out to you for all you have endured during his journey and now his final distination. This disease is such a monster that it just rips out everybody's heart. Be strong for him as that is what he needs from you. Oh Nancy, I wish I could make this better for you but I can't. We are here for you honey, and we are praying with you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Nancy...I am so very sorry. I know how hard it is to watch a loved one decline and feel there is absolutely nothing you can do to make the situation better. Jen has given you some very good advice that she learned the hard way. I agree with everything she said. Now is the time to accept your fathers wishes and do whatever you can to make him feel loved and at peace with his decision. Hospice will usually tell you that patients seem to know what is best for them. I am keeping you and your dad in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jduenges Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. My Dad passed away September 6, 2004. I have never felt such pain. Just watching my strong, caring Dad wither away right before my eyes was horrible. I would have done anything in the world to make him better. The only thing left for me to do was to be there with him until the end. He was home so I went to visit him every day. I talked to him(he couldn't talk to me or open his eyes), I held his hand, I told him how much I loved him and how proud I am to be his daughter, I played soft music for him(he was born in Italy and enjoyed listening to Italian music), I brushed his hair and shaved his face while he was in bed(he always enjoyed that months prior. Anything to let him know I was there...I wanted him to know that I was there. Talk to your Dad, let him know how much you love him. I know your pain... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 So sorry for what you and your dad are going through. My prayers are with you. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Nancy, so sorry at this turn of events. I am your dad's age and I do understand not wanting to struggle so hard anymore. Be patient and loving. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I think you've gotten some great insight from people who know better than me. I just wanted to add my voice to the "I wish you didn't have to be doing this" chorus. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Nancy, I'm am so sorry that you have to go through this I know exactly how you feel. My Dad was DX 04/01/05 at age 66 with NSCLC has Chemo & Radiation for 6 weeks. He was told in early July nothing but scar tissue we were so happy.THEN early Nov his stomach was really swollen Cat-scan on Nov 14th shows Cancer is back and it was taking over he body. My Dad was gone 4 days later on 11/18/05 We are devasted! But we got to tell him we loved him and we would be OK. So spend every minute you can with your Dad and tell him how much you love him and your going to be Ok. Sorry for rambling on! Take care of yourself! Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Cherish Every Moment you can. Keep your Dad company and just be with him. I lost Deb 2.5 weeks ago and she quit on me in her hospital room at 3 Am. Still tell her I love her every night. Miss her so much. Much Love to you and your Father and Family. Everyone here has great advice. Best of Luck to you all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyT Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. It helps so much. Tomorrow my husband and both kids(17,19) will spend the whole day with my Dad. He lives 2 hours from us but every weekend we cherish our time. My Dad loves to play games with my kids, anything we can do to bring some happiness with us. I appreciate all your advice. love, NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I also have the feeling of being overwhelmed with sadness and fear. The others have given good advice. Tell him you love him and how much he means to you. May you and your family cherish these moments with him. I have Book called A Life Worth Living and it has pertinent questions ie: What recollection do you have of parents,grandparents, great-grandparents and other relatives? Who was your friend in Grade School, Junior High and High School. Perhaps asking these questions would help you minimize your sadness. I am in the process of filling out the book with my husband and it has helped me. My prayers are with you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Oh Nancy, my heart aches for you. Jen gave you wonderful advice. Your dad is ready to go...and at this point as our hospice nurse said "food isn't a friend" as it causes more uncomfort than anything else. Just be with your dad, surround him with love. My mom stopped eating about five days before she made her trip to Heaven..she was weak but not unhappy...and as you know her passing was so very peaceful. You have been a wonderful advocate for your dad, and I am grateful that all of you can be with him. You know my number if you want to talk. All my love and prayers for peace, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Nancy , I just want you to know your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miami Janet Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Oh Nancy...it is so sad to see our parents go downhill like this but as long as he is not suffering you can try to enjoy quality time with him. Leave nothing unsaid so that you have no regrets later. Praying for peace for you and Dad. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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